I received an unexpected email just before Christmas Day 2016, from a familiar email address. My IPs made contact! We hadn't spoken in many years and so it was a total surprise, a cautious one, but pleasant nonetheless.
We have tentatively emailed on a handful of occasions and I've got some lovely photos of Oli. He has grown so fast and will be starting school this September, that just can't be right! He is very cute, I can't lay claim to any of that despite having half my genetics but he really is a beauty - blonde hair and long eyelashes. His daddies are going to be fighting the girl/boys off with a stick in the future!
Since the last few posts on this blog were negative, I wanted to come back and update with the positive, however long this may last for.
Sunday, 21 May 2017
Saturday, 19 September 2015
Checking In
A whole year has passed since my last entry, I was just cleaning up my bookmarks and thought it was about time I popped back!
Well what's to say? Not a whole lot where surrogacy is concerned. No more babies but I did re-match for a very short period of time earlier this year however soon decided that actually, I simply didn't want to be a surrogate any more - too battered and bruised to put myself and my family through that yet again. I do still own and run my Facebook surrogacy group but I'm not active there, life is busy and my interest in the surrogacy scene is almost at zero these days.
What is new in life? Lots! I'm so far from where I was this time last year and have achieved so much that I daren't believe I ever would. I'm happy, my family is happy and I hope my surrogate babies and their parents are too.
It is crazy to think Oliver will soon be 3, in a few short months but it does also seem like a lifetime ago I gave birth to him - I think it's because so much has happened in that space of time. Do I think about him? Sometimes; my children ask but thankfully infrequently but I'm comfortable in the role I played and the relationship that exists (or doesn't, as the case may be) now. I never wanted to be a constant part of his or his parent's lives, I didn't want to be ' special Auntie' as some surrogates do and so this feels pretty OK with me. A picture would be nice maybe just so I can see how he's changing over the years but that clearly isn't an option. I'm alright with things and I hope his parents are too.
Well what's to say? Not a whole lot where surrogacy is concerned. No more babies but I did re-match for a very short period of time earlier this year however soon decided that actually, I simply didn't want to be a surrogate any more - too battered and bruised to put myself and my family through that yet again. I do still own and run my Facebook surrogacy group but I'm not active there, life is busy and my interest in the surrogacy scene is almost at zero these days.
What is new in life? Lots! I'm so far from where I was this time last year and have achieved so much that I daren't believe I ever would. I'm happy, my family is happy and I hope my surrogate babies and their parents are too.
It is crazy to think Oliver will soon be 3, in a few short months but it does also seem like a lifetime ago I gave birth to him - I think it's because so much has happened in that space of time. Do I think about him? Sometimes; my children ask but thankfully infrequently but I'm comfortable in the role I played and the relationship that exists (or doesn't, as the case may be) now. I never wanted to be a constant part of his or his parent's lives, I didn't want to be ' special Auntie' as some surrogates do and so this feels pretty OK with me. A picture would be nice maybe just so I can see how he's changing over the years but that clearly isn't an option. I'm alright with things and I hope his parents are too.
Saturday, 9 August 2014
Questions
I've been asked a lot lately about my surrogate babies because I'm meeting a lot of new people and one of 2 most asked questions is 'do you keep in touch?' If you're interested, #2 is, 'did you get attached to the babies?'
I have heard that Oli's parents are going to have a sibling for him, I knew that they would and I wish them and the surrogate all the best. Our journey ended, a new one for them was inevitable (same as it was for me) and at the end of the day it's about the babies that are ultimately created from surrogacy and you can't be bitter about that!
I have also recently been asked if I'm worried about what they may be saying and the answer is not really - not a resounding 'no' quite yet but getting there. For a while, I was upset about what may or may not be said but I'm learning to let go of things I can't control, besides I will always know the truth.
No-one (IP or surrogate) should believe entirely what they are told in the beginning of the matching process, everyone is always on their best behaviour and presenting their best attributes but people should make their own enquiries about the others, and always remain guarded until they are satisfied of what is really what - one of many things I learnt in retrospect after Oli's match.
I also know that information is being passed between the surrogacy Facebook group I run and Oli's parents which is immature - whether they actively seek that information or whether it is passed over and they are just happy to receive, I don't know but I refuse to get drawn into the place I was back last year. Time's moved on, it's taken me a while but I think I'm pretty much there at last. All is good from my point of view.
Not really anything else to post about but it's been over half a year since my last entry and although lots of you keep up on my other blog and Facebook, both of which are more active, I wanted to touch-base here too.
I have heard that Oli's parents are going to have a sibling for him, I knew that they would and I wish them and the surrogate all the best. Our journey ended, a new one for them was inevitable (same as it was for me) and at the end of the day it's about the babies that are ultimately created from surrogacy and you can't be bitter about that!
I have also recently been asked if I'm worried about what they may be saying and the answer is not really - not a resounding 'no' quite yet but getting there. For a while, I was upset about what may or may not be said but I'm learning to let go of things I can't control, besides I will always know the truth.
No-one (IP or surrogate) should believe entirely what they are told in the beginning of the matching process, everyone is always on their best behaviour and presenting their best attributes but people should make their own enquiries about the others, and always remain guarded until they are satisfied of what is really what - one of many things I learnt in retrospect after Oli's match.
I also know that information is being passed between the surrogacy Facebook group I run and Oli's parents which is immature - whether they actively seek that information or whether it is passed over and they are just happy to receive, I don't know but I refuse to get drawn into the place I was back last year. Time's moved on, it's taken me a while but I think I'm pretty much there at last. All is good from my point of view.
Not really anything else to post about but it's been over half a year since my last entry and although lots of you keep up on my other blog and Facebook, both of which are more active, I wanted to touch-base here too.
Friday, 10 January 2014
Big Milestone!
It is Oli's 1st Birthday today, I know he will be having a special day whatever he is up to and although I continue to have no contact with his parents, it is such a big milestone that I have to acknowledge it!
Happy Birthday, buddy - with love from your tummy mummy.
Saturday, 9 November 2013
It's A Wrap!
Oliver is officially handed over to his parents - in the legal sense, as of yesterday.
I'm pleased it was wrapped up and have to say that I am glad it's all finally over and, no tears about it. Congrats to the guys on officially erasing me on paper and making their son legally theirs!
My feeling of relief it's over with was validated when I received a short sharp message, which ended 'many thanks' from K, confirming the PO had been granted. I mean really, is that all I deserved? You thank someone who serves you coffee that way, you thank a neighbour who takes a parcel in that way however, you should not thank someone who gave the best part of almost 3 years making you a baby that you probably would never of had if it weren't for them, and whom endured more bullshit and drama that anyone ever should, that way.
I don't want adulation, if you know anything about me then you'll know over-the-top shows of appreciation and affection, and outpouring of emotions embarrasses me but, that email was cold, calculated and cruel. That was the best they could come up with? I'm not sure why I'm surprised.
I hope one day Oliver understands what's happened, the true version, the one where I'm given the respect I so rightly deserve. Sad that it ended this way really, especially when in my last post I said how we seemed to be getting on better and perhaps we could remain civil and keep in contact in some way from that point forwards.
So I suppose that wraps this blog up - a long hard slog comes to an end, not the end I'd hoped and, I don't believe we'll stay in contact but, I hope my heart heals with time. Anyway, thank you everyone for continuing to follow my first-time journey, and for all the support I've received over the years - it's been my pleasure (and therapy) to share with you all!
Please keep up with my new blog, which can be found here: http://czechmatesurrogacy.blogspot.co.uk/
Wednesday, 2 October 2013
Positives!
First and foremost, I want to say that things are moving forwards positively with regards to my former IFs. We are now communicating via email and things are pleasant currently, I just decided that I was in a place in life generally where I was ready to draw a line under things from the past and move forwards, in whatever way we were all most comfortable with.
I've had some lovely updates on Oli and how he's growing up, sounds like he is thriving and growing up so fast and he has a better social life than me - what more could a baby want?!
He's absolutely beautiful, I still don't see any of myself in him but I definitely do see who his biological father is. He does have the same long eyelashes as my oldest though and I'm sure he will bat them throughout his life and with a flash of his grin, both will help win over lots of hearts.
On another equally as important note, Cafcass (basically an official court reporter, who looks after the welfare of children - in all different settings, who come out to write a report saying whether they note any concerns and whether they therefore recommend the Parental Order be granted or not) visited us all over the course of the past week. She began by visiting my IFs and Oli and from what I'm told, it went very well and she had no concerns and then it was mine and my husband's turn for her visit yesterday.
I have to say it went perfectly and smoothly, absolutely nothing to worry about. It helped that she had seen K and B first because they had obviously answered a lot of the questions she had to ask and so really my role was just to confirm what had been said and sign some paperwork. She was a lovely lady, it was her first experience of a Parental Order and I think she was happy that she was dealing with a nice case, compared to some of the bitter disputes over custody that she deals with too. We actually spent most of her short visit generally chatting about surrogacy and it all felt very informal.
In case anyone is wondering, she asked me to confirm the expenses schedule, how I felt things would work between the 4 of us from this point onwards, how my husband felt about the whole situation and then to sign the paperwork saying I freely gave my consent to the Parental Order being made. She told me that K and B had had criminal record and background checks and been asked the same sort of questions - such as how they would approach the surrogacy situation as Oli grew up, how they planned to explain his heritage etc.
She told me that Oli appeared to be doted on, he was happy and healthy and seemed to be very well cared for. She had no worries and would therefore, after talking to us here, be recommending the Order was granted.
So, that's that - the official court hearing is next month and that will be just a formality and Oli will then be officially theirs. Very pleased, I felt no sadness about signing the final bit of the puzzle - just satisfied that it's all gone as hoped for.
Where we go from here, in terms of contact with one another, well I guess we'll just have to see. I am optimistic that we can continue to stay in contact and exchange updates with one another but I am under no illusion that things can and may change for any of us so for now, I think we're all comfortable with how things are and will just see where it goes.
I've had some lovely updates on Oli and how he's growing up, sounds like he is thriving and growing up so fast and he has a better social life than me - what more could a baby want?!
He's absolutely beautiful, I still don't see any of myself in him but I definitely do see who his biological father is. He does have the same long eyelashes as my oldest though and I'm sure he will bat them throughout his life and with a flash of his grin, both will help win over lots of hearts.
On another equally as important note, Cafcass (basically an official court reporter, who looks after the welfare of children - in all different settings, who come out to write a report saying whether they note any concerns and whether they therefore recommend the Parental Order be granted or not) visited us all over the course of the past week. She began by visiting my IFs and Oli and from what I'm told, it went very well and she had no concerns and then it was mine and my husband's turn for her visit yesterday.
I have to say it went perfectly and smoothly, absolutely nothing to worry about. It helped that she had seen K and B first because they had obviously answered a lot of the questions she had to ask and so really my role was just to confirm what had been said and sign some paperwork. She was a lovely lady, it was her first experience of a Parental Order and I think she was happy that she was dealing with a nice case, compared to some of the bitter disputes over custody that she deals with too. We actually spent most of her short visit generally chatting about surrogacy and it all felt very informal.
In case anyone is wondering, she asked me to confirm the expenses schedule, how I felt things would work between the 4 of us from this point onwards, how my husband felt about the whole situation and then to sign the paperwork saying I freely gave my consent to the Parental Order being made. She told me that K and B had had criminal record and background checks and been asked the same sort of questions - such as how they would approach the surrogacy situation as Oli grew up, how they planned to explain his heritage etc.
She told me that Oli appeared to be doted on, he was happy and healthy and seemed to be very well cared for. She had no worries and would therefore, after talking to us here, be recommending the Order was granted.
So, that's that - the official court hearing is next month and that will be just a formality and Oli will then be officially theirs. Very pleased, I felt no sadness about signing the final bit of the puzzle - just satisfied that it's all gone as hoped for.
Where we go from here, in terms of contact with one another, well I guess we'll just have to see. I am optimistic that we can continue to stay in contact and exchange updates with one another but I am under no illusion that things can and may change for any of us so for now, I think we're all comfortable with how things are and will just see where it goes.
Sunday, 8 September 2013
Parental Hearing Order
8th November is the date! No idea if Cafcass will speak with me in person or over the phone first, the court lady said to just wait and see what happens but that's the date of the next hearing. The lady said it was 'the final hearing' but on my paperwork, it simply says 'directions hearing', which is what the first hearing in Bristol in July said...
So ready for this to be over and November seems so far away - though I know it's really not. Weird to think I'll of had 2 babies almost within 12 months! I just HOPE this is the final hearing and the PO will be granted then and we can close the book on our journey.
So ready for this to be over and November seems so far away - though I know it's really not. Weird to think I'll of had 2 babies almost within 12 months! I just HOPE this is the final hearing and the PO will be granted then and we can close the book on our journey.
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