Blindsided

Update 18/03/11 : I wasn't sure at the time whether I wanted to post this picture, at the time it was painful but I feel that I've held nothing back from this blog before and I don't want to start doing so now.

So, above is now one of the faint positive pregnancy tests from last cycle (addressed in this post). I can't believe it was only 3 odd weeks ago. Oh. :o( So much has now happened.





It's been a while since my last post and suffice to say the period has arrived but not in the way we all thought she would. We think something went on this cycle involving possibly 3 faint pregnancy tests, lots of pregnancy symptoms and a late-and-usually-very-regular period. You do the maths.

It's possibly been the most horrendous week of my life and certainly K & B's lives too. We've visited places that we didn't ever consider we would and most certainly hoped we wouldn't have to but there you go, ttc, let alone in a surrogacy type situation was never going to be smooth sailing. I guess this is where which crew you chose to jump onboard with, really really matters. Thankfully for me, I think I've picked the best.

There was a very awkward and painful, for me anyway, telephone call between the 3 of us last night but it was definitely necessary to be able to move forwards with things. It involved tears and frankness but I think we all came away feeling we'd reached a deeper level of our relationship and it was positive by the time we hung up.

Let me just say that K & B, despite not knowing what the hell to do when presented with such a situation, absolutely stood by side and stepped up in a way I will never be able to appropriately thank them for. I know it was anything but easy for them to figure out what they were supposed to do or feel, let alone how they had to handle a hormonal and very emotional me. And of course, a special mention must be made to my husband, M, who has taken all of this on his shoulders and continued to be my supportive rock through a dark time.

So, this cycle we think we're just going to take a time-out and let calm descend over us all once again and simply enjoy one anothers company for the time being and then start when we're ready. I'm ok with that, it can only serve to do us all good.

All in all though, we've taken a lot of positives from this cycle, despite all that's happened and it's only served to make me personally stronger and more determined to see my surrogacy journey to its conclusion and hopefully beyond.

Bring it on!