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I was passing through this blog, on the way to my new one which will be revealed in a short while but I saw how quiet this one has now become. I am so jaded by how things have gone now with this journey that I haven't even had the energy to update properly.

Basically, in a nutshell, my (now former) IFs ended up being asses at the end - just as they had been pretty much all the way through our match, on and off. It wasn't all bad and we of course have the beautiful Oliver as a result but yeah, it was pretty shit at the end.

It all boils down to borrowing of some money, control issues, lying, manipulation, more drama and a whole lot of acting less than nicely.

It completely soured everything, I just thought that after all I'd done and given them, they would never of behaved in that manner. I can't say I was 100% blameless, I'm not smug enough to say that but pretty close to it.

Yes, e-mails have since been exchanged and apologies were issued but it got so disgustingly awful for a while that I'm not sure any amount of apologies can make that better which is unfortunate as we all had different expectations and higher hopes but when you continually make bad decisions and tread down a path, like they did then you cannot expect a sorry or 2 can smooth it all over. I simply cannot forget or forgive.

Anyway, despite that we have been trying to get the Parental Order sorted but even that seems to of turned into a bloody nightmare and it's just going on and on. I can't help but be resentful that if they had put the application in sooner, we would be all finished and signed off by now but yet again, even that ended up a total clusterfuck.

For some reason, the judge has transferred it to my IFs local court - you would of thought that at some point prior to the actual hearing, someone in the system would of said 'hmmm, shouldn't this be heard there and not here?' but nope, no-one did and so from what I'm lead to believe, I should of received some paperwork regarding that move and what happens next but no, nothing and it's been a good few weeks now. I refuse to chase anything up, I can't make anything move quicker anyway and all it does it irritate me all over again so here I sit, waiting for the next step and hoping it happens sooner rather than later because I am done, so very done and want the official line drawn under the whole thing I'm afraid. This was not how I envisaged the final chapter turning out.

I'm pretty glad with hindsight that I didn't come bleating here about every little (although not so little actually) thing that has happened between IFs and I since Oli arrived because it would of been seen as dramatic and not kind but this way, I can say simply that it has been a horrid time, lots of tears and sleepless nights for me but fingers crossed it is all coming to a conclusion in the very near future and lots of lessons have been learnt.