Journey 2:
Cycle 13: Length: 28 and LP: 13 (Clomid 100mg - Days 2-6)
Cycle 14: Length: 28 and LP: 13 (Clomid 100mg - Days 2-6)
Cycle 15: Length: 26 and LP: 12 (Clomid 100mg - Days 2-6)
Cycle 16: Length: 27 and LP: 12 (Clomid 100mg - Days 2-6)
Cycle 17: Length: 28 and LP: 13 (Clomid 100mg - Days 2-6)
Unmatched:
Cycle 18: Length: 23 and LP: ? (Not tracking ovulation)
Cycle 19: Length: 28 and LP: ?
Cycle 20: Length: 27 and LP: ?
Cycle 21: Length: 27 and LP: ?
Cycle 22: Length: 26 and LP: ?
Cycle 23: Length: 26 and LP: ?
Cycle 24: Length: 26 and LP: ?
Friday, 3 February 2012
Thursday, 12 January 2012
Thoughts
It's been a year since my last match began, well the first lot of insems anyway and my mind is naturally drawn to what lies ahead this year in terms of surrogacy and how I would like things to go.
I've decided to begin charting again this cycle - Hurrah! I'm so sad but I love charting and I never fail to be fascinated by what it shows. Firing up Fertility Friend again felt good!
I've also started thinking about Clomid vs. natural when I begin insems again - hypothetically speaking obviously at this point. We know that Clomid certainly did the job of getting me ovulating regularly and it wasn't such a bad experience either so I'm drawn to giving it another go next match and seeing what happens.
In an ideal world, I would like to get my tubes checked out but I've decided that I'm not going to stress it this time around. I know I'm fertile, it's just a question of fate and you know what, if I don't get pregnant 3rd time around, it's really not the end of the world. Ha, who would of thought I'd be saying that? Not me!
I'm definitely so much more chilled with regards to surrogacy nowadays, I think I've just realised that it doesn't have to be all consuming and I'm OK with that. As I know I've said before, I'm so busy in every area of my life that I don't have the time to give the whole process as much thought or time as before and I'm very much hoping that for my next match, it's as quick a process each cycle as possible and with as least disruption to my life as possible - give me the necessary, let's do what's needed and then go our separate ways for the 2ww. Sounds a plan to me! I hope I find a couple who feel exactly the same way.
This is where previous experience comes in, you know what works and what doesn't and you know what you want out of a match. Now, I know it's a two-way street and that there has to be an element of compromise but I'm hoping that I find a match where they understand time pressures but trust me to know what I'm doing and do what's best where ttc is concerned. I don't have the time (or inclination) to hold hands or walk a couple through the process, I'm too far in the surrogacy game to want to go back to the start.
Most of all I am just eager to get started again, it feels like its been ages. I hope that my next match is just around the corner because honestly, I would start insems next week - if only it were that easy!
I've decided to begin charting again this cycle - Hurrah! I'm so sad but I love charting and I never fail to be fascinated by what it shows. Firing up Fertility Friend again felt good!
I've also started thinking about Clomid vs. natural when I begin insems again - hypothetically speaking obviously at this point. We know that Clomid certainly did the job of getting me ovulating regularly and it wasn't such a bad experience either so I'm drawn to giving it another go next match and seeing what happens.
In an ideal world, I would like to get my tubes checked out but I've decided that I'm not going to stress it this time around. I know I'm fertile, it's just a question of fate and you know what, if I don't get pregnant 3rd time around, it's really not the end of the world. Ha, who would of thought I'd be saying that? Not me!
I'm definitely so much more chilled with regards to surrogacy nowadays, I think I've just realised that it doesn't have to be all consuming and I'm OK with that. As I know I've said before, I'm so busy in every area of my life that I don't have the time to give the whole process as much thought or time as before and I'm very much hoping that for my next match, it's as quick a process each cycle as possible and with as least disruption to my life as possible - give me the necessary, let's do what's needed and then go our separate ways for the 2ww. Sounds a plan to me! I hope I find a couple who feel exactly the same way.
This is where previous experience comes in, you know what works and what doesn't and you know what you want out of a match. Now, I know it's a two-way street and that there has to be an element of compromise but I'm hoping that I find a match where they understand time pressures but trust me to know what I'm doing and do what's best where ttc is concerned. I don't have the time (or inclination) to hold hands or walk a couple through the process, I'm too far in the surrogacy game to want to go back to the start.
Most of all I am just eager to get started again, it feels like its been ages. I hope that my next match is just around the corner because honestly, I would start insems next week - if only it were that easy!
Stats
Journey 2:
Cycle 13: Length: 28 and LP: 13 (Clomid 100mg - Days 2-6)
Cycle 14: Length: 28 and LP: 13 (Clomid 100mg - Days 2-6)
Cycle 15: Length: 26 and LP: 12 (Clomid 100mg - Days 2-6)
Cycle 16: Length: 27 and LP: 12 (Clomid 100mg - Days 2-6)
Cycle 17: Length: 28 and LP: 13 (Clomid 100mg - Days 2-6)
Unmatched:
Cycle 18: Length: 23 and LP: ? (Not tracking ovulation)
Cycle 19: Length: 28 and LP: ?
Cycle 20: Length: 27 and LP: ?
Cycle 21: Length: 27 and LP: ?
Cycle 22: Length: 26 and LP: ?
Cycle 23: Length: 26 and LP: ?
Cycle 13: Length: 28 and LP: 13 (Clomid 100mg - Days 2-6)
Cycle 14: Length: 28 and LP: 13 (Clomid 100mg - Days 2-6)
Cycle 15: Length: 26 and LP: 12 (Clomid 100mg - Days 2-6)
Cycle 16: Length: 27 and LP: 12 (Clomid 100mg - Days 2-6)
Cycle 17: Length: 28 and LP: 13 (Clomid 100mg - Days 2-6)
Unmatched:
Cycle 18: Length: 23 and LP: ? (Not tracking ovulation)
Cycle 19: Length: 28 and LP: ?
Cycle 20: Length: 27 and LP: ?
Cycle 21: Length: 27 and LP: ?
Cycle 22: Length: 26 and LP: ?
Cycle 23: Length: 26 and LP: ?
Sunday, 1 January 2012
Happy New Year
It's almost unbelievable that I'm still here with this blog and still so far away from the goal. But, here I am!
It has been one hell of a roller coaster year, for one reason and another and although things didn't always go the way I'd planned or hoped for, I'm not sad or full of regrets.
Hoping that 2012 FINALLY is the year I fulfil my calling of being a surrogate. I'm getting pretty fed up of seeing so many others succeed at what seems to be impossible for me. I want my turn!
Honestly, the world and his wife, or surrogate, is pregnant lately and I can truly say that I am happy for them but I'm definitely green-eyed and desperate to join those ranks.
I think my problem is I constantly doubt myself and my abilities but this year, I have vowed to believe in myself. That doesn't only apply to surrogacy either, I have some big plans!
This year I've lost a friend sadly, figuratively obviously, but it's out of my hands, I have re-built bridges with others and I've made some new ones - maybe one of which may be my 2012 match. Taking things super slow but things are definitely moving forwards and if things come together then I will be back to tell all but at this point, I'm keeping it quiet.
Since it's the end of a year, I want to thank those of you who keep coming back to my little blog and reading. I don't know who the majority of you are but I appreciate you stopping by and having you along for the ride, I just hope this year I can finally make it worthwhile for you all, with the sweet smell of success - stick with me a bit longer please!
Wishing you a Happy and Healthy New Year, may all your dreams and wishes come true.
It has been one hell of a roller coaster year, for one reason and another and although things didn't always go the way I'd planned or hoped for, I'm not sad or full of regrets.
Hoping that 2012 FINALLY is the year I fulfil my calling of being a surrogate. I'm getting pretty fed up of seeing so many others succeed at what seems to be impossible for me. I want my turn!
Honestly, the world and his wife, or surrogate, is pregnant lately and I can truly say that I am happy for them but I'm definitely green-eyed and desperate to join those ranks.
I think my problem is I constantly doubt myself and my abilities but this year, I have vowed to believe in myself. That doesn't only apply to surrogacy either, I have some big plans!
This year I've lost a friend sadly, figuratively obviously, but it's out of my hands, I have re-built bridges with others and I've made some new ones - maybe one of which may be my 2012 match. Taking things super slow but things are definitely moving forwards and if things come together then I will be back to tell all but at this point, I'm keeping it quiet.
Since it's the end of a year, I want to thank those of you who keep coming back to my little blog and reading. I don't know who the majority of you are but I appreciate you stopping by and having you along for the ride, I just hope this year I can finally make it worthwhile for you all, with the sweet smell of success - stick with me a bit longer please!
Wishing you a Happy and Healthy New Year, may all your dreams and wishes come true.
Tuesday, 13 December 2011
Musings
I'm feeling blah about a lot of things lately. I think I'm just pretty rundown, worn out, the weather makes it hard to be cheery and of course I'm hormonal - since AF is here and all.
Life is pretty good overal, although very hectic, it's more about what's going on in my head lately I guess.
I'm a good person and yet seem to constantly get kicked in the teeth despite that. I'm a huge believer in Karma and yet it never seems to quite play out as it should and it frustrates me. I realise without just coming right out with what's on my mind, it makes little sense but my blog has eyes and I'm just not ready to deal with the fallout of making my feelings totally public.
But, if you're reading this and think the boot might fit....
Life is pretty good overal, although very hectic, it's more about what's going on in my head lately I guess.
I'm a good person and yet seem to constantly get kicked in the teeth despite that. I'm a huge believer in Karma and yet it never seems to quite play out as it should and it frustrates me. I realise without just coming right out with what's on my mind, it makes little sense but my blog has eyes and I'm just not ready to deal with the fallout of making my feelings totally public.
But, if you're reading this and think the boot might fit....
Stats
Journey 2:
Cycle 10: Length: 25 and LP: 10
Cycle 11: Length: 29 and LP: 14
Cycle 12: Length: 26 and LP: 10
Cycle 13: Length: 28 and LP: 13 (Clomid 100mg - Days 2-6)
Cycle 14: Length: 28 and LP: 13 (Clomid 100mg - Days 2-6)
Cycle 15: Length: 26 and LP: 12 (Clomid 100mg - Days 2-6)
Cycle 16: Length: 27 and LP: 12 (Clomid 100mg - Days 2-6)
Cycle 17: Length: 28 and LP: 13 (Clomid 100mg - Days 2-6)
Unmatched:
Cycle 18: Length: 23 and LP: ? (Not tracking ovulation)
Cycle 19: Length: 28 and LP: ?
Cycle 20: Length: 27 and LP: ?
Cycle 21: Length: 27 and LP: ?
Cycle 22: Length: 26 and LP: ?
Cycle 10: Length: 25 and LP: 10
Cycle 11: Length: 29 and LP: 14
Cycle 12: Length: 26 and LP: 10
Cycle 13: Length: 28 and LP: 13 (Clomid 100mg - Days 2-6)
Cycle 14: Length: 28 and LP: 13 (Clomid 100mg - Days 2-6)
Cycle 15: Length: 26 and LP: 12 (Clomid 100mg - Days 2-6)
Cycle 16: Length: 27 and LP: 12 (Clomid 100mg - Days 2-6)
Cycle 17: Length: 28 and LP: 13 (Clomid 100mg - Days 2-6)
Unmatched:
Cycle 18: Length: 23 and LP: ? (Not tracking ovulation)
Cycle 19: Length: 28 and LP: ?
Cycle 20: Length: 27 and LP: ?
Cycle 21: Length: 27 and LP: ?
Cycle 22: Length: 26 and LP: ?
Friday, 25 November 2011
Limbo Land
I don't know where I am exactly, nope, I'm definitely in limbo.
I will start by saying that I met a lovely couple, just as I said I was going to in my last post. They were as fabulous as I thought they would be and we got on really well. I got a text a little while after we parted ways, saying they would like to continue forward with things. Yay! Again, always such a buzz to know that you've made such a good impression on a couple that they would like you to carry their baby for them!
But then I jumped straight back into my crazy life and weeks have slipped by with little progress from that meeting. They are as busy as me and we're finding it difficult to even talk about the necessary stuff, let alone e-mail or call to chit-chat. There's no animosity, we understand that the other is just busy and there's no pressure or disappointment where communication, or lack of it, is concerned but still. I'm in a bit of a hurry too, with the Scotland move coming thick and fast and being so far down the line with surrogacy in general, I just want to jump straight in and get to trying to make a baby!
The couple are complete newbies to the surrogacy scene which means that they are understandably cautious and need some guidance through the process on certain points and whilst I'm more than happy to do that, when the clock is ticking, it starts ticking even louder if you've got anything that slows things down. That's where I miss having a couple with experience or a couple that are wanting to do things at the same speed as I am.
Also, I met with K & B this past month too. I know, some of you will be sat with your mouth wide open and asking 'what the HELL?!' I asked myself the same question at first. It was B who made contact, with a text. I was not expecting that at all and it took me a few days to decide what to do, if anything, in response. But I did respond and it seemed that we all still carried some lingering feelings and thoughts from the match. I was the one who suggested coffee, before I could think it through actually but they agreed it would be nice. So we met.
And, it was nice - comfortable but then you can't go through all we did and not feel like you're amongst old friends when you meet up again. I mean don't get me wrong, and I think they probably would agree, what happened will never be forgotten - the good OR the bad but hating each other wasn't working for any us. They felt unable to move forward and so did I. When we met, we didn't even talk that much about what happened, maybe it was just too awkward or perhaps they just didn't need to do as much discussing as they thought they did? I'm horrible with confrontation and talking about feelings in person so that's why I kept quiet but when it was brought up, I tried to be open and honest.
I came away feeling peaceful about things, that was my over-riding emotion. It's changed a little since but for the most part, I'm glad we had that opportunity. It did throw me into a spin too, if I'm honest and it was strange that only 3 months had passed since things ended but it felt like it had been much longer. I think I'd pushed my feelings to the back until that point and seeing them churned them back up. I wonder if they felt similar.
Anyway, that's that really. I've no regrets about meeting them though.
So, back to my couple...I don't know where things are going to go and I tell anyone who asks me the same - no, I'm not matched currently but things are meant to be progressing. I am still keeping my options open.
I'm just hoping that one way or another, I have more of an idea by the time 2012 arrives because that clock is getting ready to call time on my journey one way or another very soon.
I will start by saying that I met a lovely couple, just as I said I was going to in my last post. They were as fabulous as I thought they would be and we got on really well. I got a text a little while after we parted ways, saying they would like to continue forward with things. Yay! Again, always such a buzz to know that you've made such a good impression on a couple that they would like you to carry their baby for them!
But then I jumped straight back into my crazy life and weeks have slipped by with little progress from that meeting. They are as busy as me and we're finding it difficult to even talk about the necessary stuff, let alone e-mail or call to chit-chat. There's no animosity, we understand that the other is just busy and there's no pressure or disappointment where communication, or lack of it, is concerned but still. I'm in a bit of a hurry too, with the Scotland move coming thick and fast and being so far down the line with surrogacy in general, I just want to jump straight in and get to trying to make a baby!
The couple are complete newbies to the surrogacy scene which means that they are understandably cautious and need some guidance through the process on certain points and whilst I'm more than happy to do that, when the clock is ticking, it starts ticking even louder if you've got anything that slows things down. That's where I miss having a couple with experience or a couple that are wanting to do things at the same speed as I am.
Also, I met with K & B this past month too. I know, some of you will be sat with your mouth wide open and asking 'what the HELL?!' I asked myself the same question at first. It was B who made contact, with a text. I was not expecting that at all and it took me a few days to decide what to do, if anything, in response. But I did respond and it seemed that we all still carried some lingering feelings and thoughts from the match. I was the one who suggested coffee, before I could think it through actually but they agreed it would be nice. So we met.
And, it was nice - comfortable but then you can't go through all we did and not feel like you're amongst old friends when you meet up again. I mean don't get me wrong, and I think they probably would agree, what happened will never be forgotten - the good OR the bad but hating each other wasn't working for any us. They felt unable to move forward and so did I. When we met, we didn't even talk that much about what happened, maybe it was just too awkward or perhaps they just didn't need to do as much discussing as they thought they did? I'm horrible with confrontation and talking about feelings in person so that's why I kept quiet but when it was brought up, I tried to be open and honest.
I came away feeling peaceful about things, that was my over-riding emotion. It's changed a little since but for the most part, I'm glad we had that opportunity. It did throw me into a spin too, if I'm honest and it was strange that only 3 months had passed since things ended but it felt like it had been much longer. I think I'd pushed my feelings to the back until that point and seeing them churned them back up. I wonder if they felt similar.
Anyway, that's that really. I've no regrets about meeting them though.
So, back to my couple...I don't know where things are going to go and I tell anyone who asks me the same - no, I'm not matched currently but things are meant to be progressing. I am still keeping my options open.
I'm just hoping that one way or another, I have more of an idea by the time 2012 arrives because that clock is getting ready to call time on my journey one way or another very soon.
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