It's A Wrap!

Oliver is officially handed over to his parents - in the legal sense, as of yesterday.

I'm pleased it was wrapped up and have to say that I am glad it's all finally over and, no tears about it. Congrats to the guys on officially erasing me on paper and making their son legally theirs!

My feeling of relief it's over with was validated when I received a short sharp message, which ended 'many thanks' from K, confirming the PO had been granted. I mean really, is that all I deserved? You thank someone who serves you coffee that way, you thank a neighbour who takes a parcel in that way however, you should not thank someone who gave the best part of almost 3 years making you a baby that you probably would never of had if it weren't for them, and whom endured more bullshit and drama that anyone ever should, that way.

I don't want adulation, if you know anything about me then you'll know over-the-top shows of appreciation and affection, and outpouring of emotions embarrasses me but, that email was cold, calculated and cruel. That was the best they could come up with? I'm not sure why I'm surprised.

I hope one day Oliver understands what's happened, the true version, the one where I'm given the respect I so rightly deserve. Sad that it ended this way really, especially when in my last post I said how we seemed to be getting on better and perhaps we could remain civil and keep in contact in some way from that point forwards.

So I suppose that wraps this blog up - a long hard slog comes to an end, not the end I'd hoped and, I don't believe we'll stay in contact but, I hope my heart heals with time. Anyway, thank you everyone for continuing to follow my first-time journey, and for all the support I've received over the years - it's been my pleasure (and therapy) to share with you all!

Please keep up with my new blog, which can be found here: http://czechmatesurrogacy.blogspot.co.uk/

Positives!

First and foremost, I want to say that things are moving forwards positively with regards to my former IFs. We are now communicating via email and things are pleasant currently, I just decided that I was in a place in life generally where I was ready to draw a line under things from the past and move forwards, in whatever way we were all most comfortable with.

I've had some lovely updates on Oli and how he's growing up, sounds like he is thriving and growing up so fast and he has a better social life than me - what more could a baby want?!

He's absolutely beautiful, I still don't see any of myself in him but I definitely do see who his biological father is. He does have the same long eyelashes as my oldest though and I'm sure he will bat them throughout his life and with a flash of his grin, both will help win over lots of hearts.

On another equally as important note, Cafcass (basically an official court reporter, who looks after the welfare of children - in all different settings, who come out to write a report saying whether they note any concerns and whether they therefore recommend the Parental Order be granted or not) visited us all over the course of the past week. She began by visiting my IFs and Oli and from what I'm told, it went very well and she had no concerns and then it was mine and my husband's turn for her visit yesterday.

I have to say it went perfectly and smoothly, absolutely nothing to worry about. It helped that she had seen K and B first because they had obviously answered a lot of the questions she had to ask and so really my role was just to confirm what had been said and sign some paperwork. She was a lovely lady, it was her first experience of a Parental Order and I think she was happy that she was dealing with a nice case, compared to some of the bitter disputes over custody that she deals with too. We actually spent most of her short visit generally chatting about surrogacy and it all felt very informal.

In case anyone is wondering, she asked me to confirm the expenses schedule, how I felt things would work between the 4 of us from this point onwards, how my husband felt about the whole situation and then to sign the paperwork saying I freely gave my consent to the Parental Order being made. She told me that K and B had had criminal record and background checks and been asked the same sort of questions - such as how they would approach the surrogacy situation as Oli grew up, how they planned to explain his heritage etc.

She told me that Oli appeared to be doted on, he was happy and healthy and seemed to be very well cared for. She had no worries and would therefore, after talking to us here, be recommending the Order was granted.

So, that's that - the official court hearing is next month and that will be just a formality and Oli will then be officially theirs. Very pleased, I felt no sadness about signing the final bit of the puzzle - just satisfied that it's all gone as hoped for.

Where we go from here, in terms of contact with one another, well I guess we'll just have to see. I am optimistic that we can continue to stay in contact and exchange updates with one another but I am under no illusion that things can and may change for any of us so for now, I think we're all comfortable with how things are and will just see where it goes.

Parental Hearing Order

8th November is the date! No idea if Cafcass will speak with me in person or over the phone first, the court lady said to just wait and see what happens but that's the date of the next hearing. The lady said it was 'the final hearing' but on my paperwork, it simply says 'directions hearing', which is what the first hearing in Bristol in July said...

So ready for this to be over and November seems so far away - though I know it's really not. Weird to think I'll of had 2 babies almost within 12 months! I just HOPE this is the final hearing and the PO will be granted then and we can close the book on our journey.

Here It Is!

My new blog, I would love it if you followed along as you have done on this one!

Czech Mate Surrogacy

No Title

I was passing through this blog, on the way to my new one which will be revealed in a short while but I saw how quiet this one has now become. I am so jaded by how things have gone now with this journey that I haven't even had the energy to update properly.

Basically, in a nutshell, my (now former) IFs ended up being asses at the end - just as they had been pretty much all the way through our match, on and off. It wasn't all bad and we of course have the beautiful Oliver as a result but yeah, it was pretty shit at the end.

It all boils down to borrowing of some money, control issues, lying, manipulation, more drama and a whole lot of acting less than nicely.

It completely soured everything, I just thought that after all I'd done and given them, they would never of behaved in that manner. I can't say I was 100% blameless, I'm not smug enough to say that but pretty close to it.

Yes, e-mails have since been exchanged and apologies were issued but it got so disgustingly awful for a while that I'm not sure any amount of apologies can make that better which is unfortunate as we all had different expectations and higher hopes but when you continually make bad decisions and tread down a path, like they did then you cannot expect a sorry or 2 can smooth it all over. I simply cannot forget or forgive.

Anyway, despite that we have been trying to get the Parental Order sorted but even that seems to of turned into a bloody nightmare and it's just going on and on. I can't help but be resentful that if they had put the application in sooner, we would be all finished and signed off by now but yet again, even that ended up a total clusterfuck.

For some reason, the judge has transferred it to my IFs local court - you would of thought that at some point prior to the actual hearing, someone in the system would of said 'hmmm, shouldn't this be heard there and not here?' but nope, no-one did and so from what I'm lead to believe, I should of received some paperwork regarding that move and what happens next but no, nothing and it's been a good few weeks now. I refuse to chase anything up, I can't make anything move quicker anyway and all it does it irritate me all over again so here I sit, waiting for the next step and hoping it happens sooner rather than later because I am done, so very done and want the official line drawn under the whole thing I'm afraid. This was not how I envisaged the final chapter turning out.

I'm pretty glad with hindsight that I didn't come bleating here about every little (although not so little actually) thing that has happened between IFs and I since Oli arrived because it would of been seen as dramatic and not kind but this way, I can say simply that it has been a horrid time, lots of tears and sleepless nights for me but fingers crossed it is all coming to a conclusion in the very near future and lots of lessons have been learnt.

Waiting

Once again, nothing really to report. The PO paperwork has been submitted and the preliminary hearing, to assign the CAFCASS officer went ahead a week or so ago now and so it's a matter of waiting for them to get in touch and going through the motions.

I believe Oli is doing well and thriving, but things continue to be strained to be honest unfortunately.

Meanwhile things are taking off for me in another direction and keeping me and my mind busy and helping to soothe past experiences.

Sorry it's a short post again but I truly have nothing to report at this stage!

Calm

I have nothing to report on to be honest, as far as I'm aware the paperwork for the Parental Order was submitted to the courts and I've heard nothing yet.

I have no real contact with my former IPs and so have nothing to update about in that regard.

As for me, I'm well and still look back at Oli fondly. Do I wish a lot of things had been different? Of course. Do I wish the outcome had been? Not at all. I've got a new blog but am keeping it private for now but will share in due course, pretty much similar to this blog but with a twist. ;o)

If and when things move forwards with the PO, I'll be back with an update about the process!