Coming Clean

I guess it's time that I confirm who my IPs are and now is as good a time as any since they are the cause (well half of it!) of the smallies currently trying to eject my stomach contents out of my poor tummy! LOL.

I'm sure some of you have your suspicions anyway and so it won't come as a shock that it's K & B. I'm not ashamed, it's really no-one's business but as a courtesy to those who supported me through the split, I felt it wasn't right keeping it under wraps any longer.

As I wrote about before in my blog, they initially made contact with me before Christmas because they realised that how things went between us was not what they (or I) wanted and that we missed each other. It's not about who apologised or approached who first, it's the fact that we both realised what we had lost and what we could to achieve together and made a decision to start trying to rebuild our friendship and see where it took us.

Also as I wrote about in my blog before, I did look at other couples and matching and starting afresh but I just didn't have it in me to start from square 1 with a new couple and especially with the clock ticking before my big move to Scotland. It made sense to stick with what I knew and I don't regret it.

I could of  matched with a new couple easily but surrogacy for me isn't a business transaction and so it doesn't matter who the couple are, so long as they are signing the compensation cheque - no, I need to feel a connection with a couple and feel like we're all on the same page and with K & B, that was always the case. I need that to feel comfortable with handing a child over to its parents. Maybe it's just me but that's how it's always been for me as a surrogate.

Honestly, you have to be involved in surrogacy personally to truly understand the emotions and attachments that often go with it, I can't explain it to people good enough to do it justice but I felt something with K & B that I didn't feel with anyone before or since.

I have never doubted K & B will be fabulous parents and that never changed even when we split, I just felt that they had their priorities wrong and we all agree we got in a bit deep and things got blurred and then, well, frankly it just all blew apart and in a totally less than mature way on all counts but we all make mistakes, I know I certainly have and I wasn't going to let what was otherwise a fantastic match, pass me by based on one major fuck up. It's also worth saying that our match is stronger than ever, there are no skeletons in the closet, there is no worry that they say and do one thing and mean another - we all know that we can be open and honest about everything and that we can work through even the most testing of times and stick together, so that's something positive that came from what was a horrible time for us all. Oh and now we have made not one but two babies together, an awesome team if ever there was one I reckon!

I feel much better having spilt the beans, I didn't keep it quiet because I am ashamed but more that I didn't feel I had to explain it on my blog and it didn't really matter either but I've never been one to cover things up on my blog and it felt uncomfortable knowing I was at this super special time.