Wicked Weekend!

I had a fantastic time seeing K and baby Oli this past weekend, K had a work course to attend near to Bristol and so combined that with popping down to see us. Sadly B couldn't make it this time because he's been juggling work and family commitments. We certainly missed you, Mr R!

It made sense for me to babysit Oli whilst K did his work stuff and so I bit his hand off when he suggested it! Cuddling a baby? Yes please. Smooshing my surrobaby? Hell YES! A no-brainer.

K and I had something to eat the evening before and it was lovely. As soon as I stepped out of the car, I couldn't hide my happiness at seeing him again. Barr a few small bags under his eyes, it was like old times! Still as gorgeous though, K, don't worry! ;) And with a gorgeous small person in tow, to make it even better.

Oli was sleeping when I first saw him but soon wanted to join in the reunion and t was so sweet to see his face trying to figure out where he knew this voice from! He has got so big, with lovely chubby cheeks and chunky little legs - exactly as a baby should be. He's also the most content, placid and sweet natured boy who allowed me to love on him and give him lots of cuddles.

Next morning, I had my youngest's belated birthday party and so K came along. He frankly looked shell-shocked at the level of noise a building full of small children can make but the best part was watching the other mum's try and figure out the logistics of our situation. They obviously know I was pregnant, they know I haven't brought any baby along to school drop off or pick up and then they saw this seemingly single man, obviously gay and with a tiny baby in tow, whom I couldn't take my eyes off of. I'm pretty sure I could smell the burning as the cogs of their minds went into overdrive. Haha!

After an hour, K made an escape to get changed for work and settle Oli at my house and we joined him after the party had finished. My children loved seeing Oli and were over the moon to get the opportunity to babysit him. Oli was very obliging of being handled for cuddles and gave them all lots of smiles.

I loved being able to stroke his sweet head and kiss those cheeks - I didn't feel any bond though, I love babies in general and Oli was no different but there was no tug at my heart or sadness that I didn't get to do this on a daily basis. In the flesh, he doesn't really look like me or my children btw, it's a strange thought.

We had a fabulous few hours with him and then it was time to return him to his rightful owner! It was great to have him with us but I was fine when it was time to say goodbye. I loved every second of the day and felt very privileged that I have trusting IPs who trusted me with their son and allowed me that special time. So many IPs just shove their surrogate to the sidelines once the main job is done and dusted and they have little regard to how that makes a surrogate feel. A little meeting and a chance for a cuddle every so often can do wonders to keep the good relationship going, to help soothe an aching heart and to allow the surrogate to maintain that small bond that they will always have with the baby they grew and carried for so long.

The trouble is, I think some IPs are scared of allowing a surrogate access to their child, they fret that she may feel a bond and suddenly change her mind. It could happen I suppose but for the most part, if a surrogate has actively tried for a child they knew they will ultimately give that child over that child and all without issue then it's pretty safe to assume a cuddle isn't going to alter that.

I'm still struggling with the shift in our relationship, I wish I could say different. All 3 are special in my heart and always will be but it really is time to mentally adjust and begin moving forwards. I'm happy and sad, a very mixed feeling.

I've been actively talking to potential IPs still and making some lovely contacts and hopefully have some meetings lined up in the next month or so, so we'll see how that goes. I don't know why, but I do feel like I'm not entirely whole-heartedly into it right now, I'm excited and loving making special contacts but I do believe it's all down to my mindset and I'm the only one who can change that - it's just a matter of time and allowing that connection to form and taking it from there.
Oh and on a final note, still no AF. Where, oh where, is she?!