I've started spotting this evening so this cycle is pretty much over, expecting full AF tomorrow. We all expected it though so it's not a crushing blow at least, still a disappointment of course but we are all feeling optimistic about a new cycle starting and with that, renewed hope.
I've got a lot happening this week so no time to wallow anyway, even if I wanted to. I will be keeping busy and glad about that, especially during the 5 days of taking Clomid. Ugh, yes, not looking forward to that at all but I know what to expect now at least.
My charting software changed my ovulation date for this cycle again, it's put it back to the day we originally thought! I'm not sure why but I feel happier that that's the more likely ovulation date - everything ties in, the + OPK, my cervical mucus and position too.
On another note, it also means that the date of my blood test was actually well timed, which is a bit of a downer as it means that the result I got (may not of ovulated) was probably right. At this stage, I'm unsure why I may not of ovulated on Clomid this time around but have not really researched explanations either - in keeping with our relaxed approach to be honest. It doesn't matter, it is what it is and nothing we can do can change that. I personally wonder if being ill and stressed meant that no amount of Clomid was going to make me ovulate this time around. Oh well, can't win 'em all.
This will be my final cycle of Clomid from this current prescription and so I have to go back and see my GP to get a further 3 months of it for the start of cycle 7 - if we need it of course but we've decided that actually, should it not work next cycle, that we will have a private fertility consultation. Just as an all round check up and to get a second opinion about whether Clomid is the right thing for the job or if anything else may get it done quicker and easier. Knowledge is power I always say and so I'm very much looking forward to the appointment, which is with a very well respected and experienced fertility specialist. A little nervous as it will involve some invasive testing for me but better to know, than not. The truth I can handle, unknowns - not so much.
Of course, it also helps me to focus on the future by giving me mini-goals if things don't go in our favour this coming cycle. It doesn't mean that I'm expecting anything other than a great result from cycle 6, just that I'm being pro-active and giving us other things to focus on in the meantime which can't be a bad thing. In ttc, you always have to be one step ahead and this is just another example of doing exactly that.
Talking of this cycle, I've decided to change my temping method. I ordered a new proper BBT thermometer, which measures to 2 decimal points. Ooooh, fancy! The things that get me excited these days, so tragic. LOL. I've also toyed with the idea of taking my temperature a different way, for greater accuracy and also it apparently shows calmer temps overall, although mine are not wild by any means. If I do go ahead with that, I'll explain more at a later date.
We are sticking purely with Instead Cups this cycle, we tried the other method but just think that the cups are far easier and actually probably far more effective. I'm happy with that as I much prefer them to the syringe method to be honest.
This cycle, we are going to try and spread insems over a longer period of time. Instead of concentrating on just 3, sometimes 4, days of insems, we are aiming for a day or so extra one side of my fertile phase or the other - perhaps both, we've not completely decided at this point but we want to make sure we are covering all bases.
And we have also decided that this time, we will be doing just the one insem each day. So far, we have mostly done two per day but I think it's just a lot of pressure (both time and mental) for K & B and really, how many couples when ttc traditionally have sex twice a day? Exactly. I don't think it increased our odds that much, if at all, since we don't know if mixing samples, and at that increased amount too, is actually counter-productive.
So, cycle 6 is about to begin and another roller coaster no doubt but as K said, he actually looks forward to the madness and would probably miss it if it were to stop! Crazy as it sounds, I agree. This is the path I chose and even with the ups and downs coming thick and fast every week, month in and month out, I wouldn't trade this experience, or my relationship with the guys, for anything. It's all good, very very good.
On a final subject and since I assume that they still peek in on my blog from time to time, I thought I'd mention it - I found out that my old IPs are matched once again.
At first, I wasn't sure how I felt about the news. It's something that I have considered with my current match, as I bet most surrogates have when the months ttc tick by - how would I feel if it ends up being someone other than me that makes K & B a family but actually, I'm pleased for M & J. That may sound strange, shouldn't I still be bitter? But no, we're all aiming for the same goal and it's not an easy path for anyone and if they are now back in the game with a new surrogate then good for them.
I wish them success and I mean that. It's not a race, they may reach the finishing line before us but I'm done with jealousy when other matches get their BFP, it achieves nothing and is a self-destructive emotion. So, I continue (as I did when we unmatched) to wish them the best of luck with their surrogacy journey.
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