Sunday, 20 January 2013

Day 9 - A Day Behind

A bit late but we were on the road home all day yesterday so I'm doing Day 9, on day 10.

Anyway, not much to report. I've decided I will keep doing a daily post about how I'm adapting to life after surrobub for 14 days so sorry, you've got to endure my ramblings for a while longer yet!

I'm still having issues from the infection I think, uterus is definitely not happy and bleeding has gone a bit wonky again. Coupled with serious sweating/fever overnight and I'm actually looking forward to speaking to either my midwife or the GP although I'm sure it's just the tablets making me feel a bit yucky, rather than anything starting up again but I would like the reassurance nonetheless. I'll be glad when I can put this part of things behind me, I'm a bit fed up of dealing with it now. Not necessarily the bleeding, everyone expects and goes through that when they've had a baby but the worry about the infection and whether things are clearing up or not!

K posted some new Oli pics on FB and I studied them and still don't see any characteristics of myself in him. Of course, it's still early and to me, babies look like babies, rather than anyone specific but it was a continuing relief to not see me looking back at myself.

It does feel a bit awkward knowing what to say or do when I see pictures though - should I comment on them? If I don't, will it appear that I am not enjoying seeing them or don't care? And if I do comment, do I make any reference to myself in any of them if that's what I want to say or should I just act like anyone else viewing them, a stranger looking in? See, it's a complicated thing this surrogacy - or am I just over-thinking stuff like I usually do? I love seeing pictures of him so I'll continue to comment or like at will, unless I'm told otherwise!

It's been a few days now with no tears so my hormones are definitely levelling out now, which makes me happy. That was a rough few days and I wish someone who had BTDT told me it would be. I had said before in the blog that I was anticipating a hormone roller coaster but I wasn't prepared for how powerful it would be. Still, hanging in there and I seem to have come out the other side. I know there will still be times that the situation will catch me unaware and set me off again but as long as the good days outweigh any bad then I'm on the upswing, I can deal with it.

I'm still leaking milk, which is irritating - having to wear a bra 24/7 and change pads but it's getting less of an issue each day so I hope within a week max, it will of stopped completely.

K said that Oli's cord came off end of last week and it made him unexpectedly sad - it was another detachment from me and literally and figuratively, that's very true. I hadn't thought of it like that until then - that was the last thing that bound Oli and I in a physical way and that's now gone. It's another transition and I don't think it'll be the last in this journey....

No comments: