I'm no longer sleeping much at all, I'm tired enough but my body, mind and in particular my bladder, won't play ball so I toss and turn all night and usually see every hour on the clock. I definitely can't wait for this stuff to be over, I love my sleep. :o(
I continue to have lots of cramps and general aches and pains but obviously nothing to get excited about - I hope though that they are at least helping prepare my body for the big event and they will help with a smooth labour and delivery to make up for making me feel crappy for most of the time now.
K & B continue to hold fire in Kent, awaiting the call. It must be so much worse for them in that sense, at least I know that nothing is happening and when it does, will be the first to know - whereas they are in the dark and sit twitchy, for the phone to go!
I had a hospital antenatal appt this morning, all very routine and as expected. I had the token student come and talk to me before seeing the consultant. Normally, I'm accommodating because I like to educate them about surrogacy, since I may well be the first (and only) surrogate they may come into contact with but today, I was crabby and just wanted to get in and out as quickly as possible. I was still pleasant and answered all her questions but I definitely felt irritated on the inside.
Anyway, my BP is creeping up but still considered normal, urine clear so no worry about pre-eclampsia, baby head down but free in the pelvis according to the Dr and I'm to see my community midwife next week as normal and then if no Boo still, she will arrange the necessary referral to set up induction at the 12 days past my due date. Who knows if that will end up happening, I've given up trying to guess what will happen since this little monkey is most definitely the one in the driving seat and we're at his mercy!
I know I've mentioned my fears about labour before but they are intensifying as we sit tight waiting for the big kick-off. I swing between telling myself that what will be, will be and it's not like I can back out so I should just let it all go and deal with whatever happens, as it happens - to being absolutely petrified and hoping that whatever day we're on, isn't the day because I can't even contemplate going through it again without tearing up. I'm sure it's the case for a lot of mums as they reach delivery day but when you've done it before and so know what's to come and you've had bad experiences, those worries are magnified ten-fold. I wish I could be all chilled about it, all earth mother and Zen like but I just can't and I know it will serve me no good but there you go, it is what it is. Hopefully I'll be pleasantly surprised, like I was with my youngest - fingers crossed.
I woke up this morning feeling very fed up and tearful, I didn't want to get up and deal with another day but of course I did and it turned out to be pretty OK in the end. Me and hubby took the children swimming, it was nice to be weightless for an hour and wore them out and then we went shopping which distracted me for another hour. However I'm now aching all over - pelvis, back, uterus but I also have a sore throat so I don't know if I'm coming down with something or I just overdid stuff today - hopefully it's the latter because I do not need to deal with germs at this point in the game, that would just be the icing on the last-few-weeks-of-pregnancy crappiness cake.
I just hope to hold out 5 more days, if I'm going to be late that is! So that the children are back at school and I can at least labour in peace at home, after catching up on some much needed sleep (I can nap in the day, which isn't an option with the children on holiday from school still) but it's not like we have any idea what this baby has in store for us so we will just have to wait and see I guess!
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