I don't know where I am exactly, nope, I'm definitely in limbo.
I will start by saying that I met a lovely couple, just as I said I was going to in my last post. They were as fabulous as I thought they would be and we got on really well. I got a text a little while after we parted ways, saying they would like to continue forward with things. Yay! Again, always such a buzz to know that you've made such a good impression on a couple that they would like you to carry their baby for them!
But then I jumped straight back into my crazy life and weeks have slipped by with little progress from that meeting. They are as busy as me and we're finding it difficult to even talk about the necessary stuff, let alone e-mail or call to chit-chat. There's no animosity, we understand that the other is just busy and there's no pressure or disappointment where communication, or lack of it, is concerned but still. I'm in a bit of a hurry too, with the Scotland move coming thick and fast and being so far down the line with surrogacy in general, I just want to jump straight in and get to trying to make a baby!
The couple are complete newbies to the surrogacy scene which means that they are understandably cautious and need some guidance through the process on certain points and whilst I'm more than happy to do that, when the clock is ticking, it starts ticking even louder if you've got anything that slows things down. That's where I miss having a couple with experience or a couple that are wanting to do things at the same speed as I am.
Also, I met with K & B this past month too. I know, some of you will be sat with your mouth wide open and asking 'what the HELL?!' I asked myself the same question at first. It was B who made contact, with a text. I was not expecting that at all and it took me a few days to decide what to do, if anything, in response. But I did respond and it seemed that we all still carried some lingering feelings and thoughts from the match. I was the one who suggested coffee, before I could think it through actually but they agreed it would be nice. So we met.
And, it was nice - comfortable but then you can't go through all we did and not feel like you're amongst old friends when you meet up again. I mean don't get me wrong, and I think they probably would agree, what happened will never be forgotten - the good OR the bad but hating each other wasn't working for any us. They felt unable to move forward and so did I. When we met, we didn't even talk that much about what happened, maybe it was just too awkward or perhaps they just didn't need to do as much discussing as they thought they did? I'm horrible with confrontation and talking about feelings in person so that's why I kept quiet but when it was brought up, I tried to be open and honest.
I came away feeling peaceful about things, that was my over-riding emotion. It's changed a little since but for the most part, I'm glad we had that opportunity. It did throw me into a spin too, if I'm honest and it was strange that only 3 months had passed since things ended but it felt like it had been much longer. I think I'd pushed my feelings to the back until that point and seeing them churned them back up. I wonder if they felt similar.
Anyway, that's that really. I've no regrets about meeting them though.
So, back to my couple...I don't know where things are going to go and I tell anyone who asks me the same - no, I'm not matched currently but things are meant to be progressing. I am still keeping my options open.
I'm just hoping that one way or another, I have more of an idea by the time 2012 arrives because that clock is getting ready to call time on my journey one way or another very soon.
