I must admit I've been a bit too busy with other matters to give it much thought and besides, we only have so much power to get things changed anyway and I can't give too much energy or thought to something that I don't seem to have much control over unfortunately. I'm looking forward to it though, at least one way or another, we'll have a clearer idea of what is going to happen - be it good or bad. I feel in limbo, like I can't decide anything about the birth - from what I need to pack (will it be overnight or for 3 nights?) to what to put in my birth plan so it'll be nice to know and plan accordingly.
Our community midwife has come out fighting now, I think she realises the injustice of it all and isn't going to allow us to go down without a fight. I had a routine appointment with her today and she said that she's been talking to the manager at her local delivery hospital and that 'there are other options'. Which she went on to say could include delivering at that hospital, instead of our chosen one on the other side of the city. I'm not sure how I feel about that but I guess we need to see what each side is offering us. She did make a point of saying, regarding the meeting on Monday 'you do know that you won't get it all the way you want though, some things can't be changed' but she didn't elaborate. Hmmm, doesn't bode well I must say and she obviously knows more than she was letting on I think.
The rest of the appointment was as expected, BP fine, baby's heart rate fine, urine clear, measuring fine and she took blood for my iron levels. She still can't accurately determine the position of Boo, she thinks in some respects (finding heartbeat high, as has been usual at every appt) that he is still breech but admitted that she also felt what she thought was 'an area full of limbs' which would imply he was head down. LOL. Hedging your bets, much?! I reckon he's head down, I could well be wrong but I no longer feel as stuffed up with baby head under my stomach as before, I'm feeling kicks differently and not as strongly as before. We will see come Wednesday!
I am actually hoping he is breech still, I've come to the conclusion that a c-section would just be most beneficial all round in terms of timing, accommodation for my IFs, them making the birth, childcare, recovery and my well-being. I have even toyed with the idea of asking for one on Wednesday, even though I'm sure they'll refuse. I just think given our unique situation, and taking into account all the other factors, that it would be the better birth option and it sits right with me. Again, I guess we'll see come Wednesday.
I can't believe I'm almost at the end of what's been an epic journey, it's crazy to think within a month (hopefully!), I'll of had my first surrogate baby and my life will return to some sort of normality. I hope I don't feel too deflated and the high of achieving something that so few people will ever achieve, carries me through until I'm hormonally balanced once again! I'm excited to finish what I started some almost 2.5 years ago but super anxious about the birthing thing - as most mothers-to-be are. Except it's different, I'm not going to be a mummy again, no I'm going to be something far more special and for that, I proudly blow my own trumpet!
Thursday 29 November 2012
Thursday 22 November 2012
It's Oh So Quiet!
...and peaceful until....Bam! That sums up the past 3 days.
I had that reaction/tummy bug and felt awful, truly wiped out but by Monday, life went on and I threw myself back into it but I think I did it all too soon because Tuesday saw a relapse of all those nasty tummy bug symptoms and I spent the day feeling very sorry for myself indeed.
I decided to take yesterday easy and go back to basics, I did nothing but lounge on the sofa, drank only flavoured water (and lots of it) and ate plain toast but spent a good portion of the day in and out of the bathroom feeling dreadful once again. I noticed that Boo was quieter than normal but figured he was just resting after the past few days too and giving his tummy mummy a break.
As the day wore on, I realised that actually, he was really quiet. My instinct told me that he was OK and the doppler confirmed that much, but there was that niggling feeling that perhaps he wasn't as happy as he had been before and so I did the sensible thing and called Delivery Suite at the hospital for advice - although I already knew the drill ('this ain't my first rodeo!' is fast becoming my pregnancy phrase!) and duly ate something sweet, drank something cold and laid on my left hand side for an hour to see if we couldn't spurr baby into some action in there. But nothing happened. Not for ages, a good 40 minutes and then I felt him slowly slide around in there and so I called them back and was told to pop in for a check over.
Thankfully my husband was on a night off and so was able to take the childcare reigns and I text K & B to tell them what was happening. I felt bad because I knew they would be worried and yet I knew it was probably all fine but they needed to be aware just incase. Traffic was light and parking was easy which was a bonus to having to go out in the wind, rain and darkness of late evening I suppose.
It was very surreal walking into Delivery Suite. I've been there before with my own so it's not alien to me but the butterflies in my stomach told me that I was nervous nonetheless. I handed my notes in at reception and sat down in the waiting room for a spare room. And I waited. And waited. Annnd waited. Then some kind passing midwife asked if I was being seen to and I said that I thought I was but was getting a bit concerned now so she went and checked for me.
Another midwife appeared rapidly and apologised profusely for leaving me, I assume they had forgotten I had arrived. LOL, that's fast becoming the story of our pregnancy! Honestly though, apart from feeling rough still so wanting to get checked and home again quickly and the parking meter ticking outside, I didn't mind waiting - after all, they were busy and there were ladies in labour, who's needs were a lot more urgent than mine.
Straight away, once in the room, I gave a sample, laid on the bed and the midwife had a feel of baby - yes, still breech. *sigh* And then I was put on the monitor.
Lots of texts flew between K and I, as I kept him informed and tried to calm his fears by telling him that the heart rate was fine and I was feeling Boo move now etc. Boo was very quiet for quite some time on the monitor though.
At one point however, Boo's heart rate flew up to just over 170bpm and the machine started to flash and an alarm went off. It did settle, going back down to 111 actually but at least it didn't remain high and the fast period was during some intense wriggling around so made sense.
Below you can see the trace print out - on the bottom left hand side was when recording began and it was steady and then towards the top left hand side, when he went mad in there, you can see how wild his heart rate went! Pretty cool I thought.
The mw returned and seemed pleased with the trace and I was taken off. Blood pressure was fine but she said there had been some blood in my urine sample. Quickly she added that it could be simple contamination or at worst, a UTI but not to worry. So that sample has been sent off to the lab and I have to call Delivery on Friday to find out the results. Even though I don't have any UTI symptoms, to be honest, I've felt so so rough since Saturday that I could well have and yet they have just blended in with the general aches and pains and feelings of crappiness.
I saw the doctor before I was discharged, who also said that he was happy with the trace and that I was free to go and so with that positive news fired off to K & B, that was the end of the drama for the night and we all breathed a huge sigh of relief.
I did apologise to K & B for the stress that it caused them and that I would never make a fuss if I wasn't really concerned. I know they knew that already but I just felt awful that they probably lost 5 years off their lives in fear and concern last night. I did take comfort in the fact that we'd got to 34 weeks without any major baby-well being related scary stuff.
So, the day after the night before and I strangely slept better than I had in days, which was nice but I know that neither K nor B did unfortunately. This is probably the start of their time to be on edge, which is not nice but we are on the birth countdown almost so its to be expected.
I'm still not feeling 100%, probably around 70. That bug has really knocked me sideways and combined with other things going on, the scare with Boo and the realisation that birth is just around the corner and I'm an anxious and teary mess right now to be honest. I'm hoping that with some rest, I'll bounce back but I feel all over the place.
Physically, I'm feeling very uncomfortable which isn't helping I'm sure. Everything in my tummy, uterus and butt hurts. It's a sore/dragging/heavy/painful type feeling and it's all over. Also SPD has begun and it hurts to move much. Maybe the bug shook everything up, probably. I hate feeling anything less than fighting fit, it starts my anxiety off and then there's that viscious circle off and running. Ugh.
Anyway, main thing is Boo is fine, I'm OK and we're all just a little more alert on the baby front now. I hope however that we won't be visiting Delivery Suite for at least another 3 weeks but more would be better!
I had that reaction/tummy bug and felt awful, truly wiped out but by Monday, life went on and I threw myself back into it but I think I did it all too soon because Tuesday saw a relapse of all those nasty tummy bug symptoms and I spent the day feeling very sorry for myself indeed.
I decided to take yesterday easy and go back to basics, I did nothing but lounge on the sofa, drank only flavoured water (and lots of it) and ate plain toast but spent a good portion of the day in and out of the bathroom feeling dreadful once again. I noticed that Boo was quieter than normal but figured he was just resting after the past few days too and giving his tummy mummy a break.
As the day wore on, I realised that actually, he was really quiet. My instinct told me that he was OK and the doppler confirmed that much, but there was that niggling feeling that perhaps he wasn't as happy as he had been before and so I did the sensible thing and called Delivery Suite at the hospital for advice - although I already knew the drill ('this ain't my first rodeo!' is fast becoming my pregnancy phrase!) and duly ate something sweet, drank something cold and laid on my left hand side for an hour to see if we couldn't spurr baby into some action in there. But nothing happened. Not for ages, a good 40 minutes and then I felt him slowly slide around in there and so I called them back and was told to pop in for a check over.
Thankfully my husband was on a night off and so was able to take the childcare reigns and I text K & B to tell them what was happening. I felt bad because I knew they would be worried and yet I knew it was probably all fine but they needed to be aware just incase. Traffic was light and parking was easy which was a bonus to having to go out in the wind, rain and darkness of late evening I suppose.
It was very surreal walking into Delivery Suite. I've been there before with my own so it's not alien to me but the butterflies in my stomach told me that I was nervous nonetheless. I handed my notes in at reception and sat down in the waiting room for a spare room. And I waited. And waited. Annnd waited. Then some kind passing midwife asked if I was being seen to and I said that I thought I was but was getting a bit concerned now so she went and checked for me.
Another midwife appeared rapidly and apologised profusely for leaving me, I assume they had forgotten I had arrived. LOL, that's fast becoming the story of our pregnancy! Honestly though, apart from feeling rough still so wanting to get checked and home again quickly and the parking meter ticking outside, I didn't mind waiting - after all, they were busy and there were ladies in labour, who's needs were a lot more urgent than mine.
Straight away, once in the room, I gave a sample, laid on the bed and the midwife had a feel of baby - yes, still breech. *sigh* And then I was put on the monitor.
Lots of texts flew between K and I, as I kept him informed and tried to calm his fears by telling him that the heart rate was fine and I was feeling Boo move now etc. Boo was very quiet for quite some time on the monitor though.
At one point however, Boo's heart rate flew up to just over 170bpm and the machine started to flash and an alarm went off. It did settle, going back down to 111 actually but at least it didn't remain high and the fast period was during some intense wriggling around so made sense.
Below you can see the trace print out - on the bottom left hand side was when recording began and it was steady and then towards the top left hand side, when he went mad in there, you can see how wild his heart rate went! Pretty cool I thought.
The mw returned and seemed pleased with the trace and I was taken off. Blood pressure was fine but she said there had been some blood in my urine sample. Quickly she added that it could be simple contamination or at worst, a UTI but not to worry. So that sample has been sent off to the lab and I have to call Delivery on Friday to find out the results. Even though I don't have any UTI symptoms, to be honest, I've felt so so rough since Saturday that I could well have and yet they have just blended in with the general aches and pains and feelings of crappiness.
I saw the doctor before I was discharged, who also said that he was happy with the trace and that I was free to go and so with that positive news fired off to K & B, that was the end of the drama for the night and we all breathed a huge sigh of relief.
I did apologise to K & B for the stress that it caused them and that I would never make a fuss if I wasn't really concerned. I know they knew that already but I just felt awful that they probably lost 5 years off their lives in fear and concern last night. I did take comfort in the fact that we'd got to 34 weeks without any major baby-well being related scary stuff.
So, the day after the night before and I strangely slept better than I had in days, which was nice but I know that neither K nor B did unfortunately. This is probably the start of their time to be on edge, which is not nice but we are on the birth countdown almost so its to be expected.
I'm still not feeling 100%, probably around 70. That bug has really knocked me sideways and combined with other things going on, the scare with Boo and the realisation that birth is just around the corner and I'm an anxious and teary mess right now to be honest. I'm hoping that with some rest, I'll bounce back but I feel all over the place.
Physically, I'm feeling very uncomfortable which isn't helping I'm sure. Everything in my tummy, uterus and butt hurts. It's a sore/dragging/heavy/painful type feeling and it's all over. Also SPD has begun and it hurts to move much. Maybe the bug shook everything up, probably. I hate feeling anything less than fighting fit, it starts my anxiety off and then there's that viscious circle off and running. Ugh.
Anyway, main thing is Boo is fine, I'm OK and we're all just a little more alert on the baby front now. I hope however that we won't be visiting Delivery Suite for at least another 3 weeks but more would be better!
Sunday 18 November 2012
I'm Not Happy
I woke at 4am feeling not quite right - you know that feeling where you know you're not fully asleep and not feeling right but it takes you hours to finally reach the peak that wakes you up? Yeah anyway, that was me this morning.
And then the bad stomach stuff started. Not fun at all when a) you're exhausted after so little sleep, b) you've a baby doing the samba in your delicate tummy, c) you can't take your usual 'go to' remedies because they aren't allowed in pregnancy and d) you are vomit phobic. Oh and e) you're all alone, with 3 small children because your husband is working as per usual.
So, I sat on the bed and tried not to cry as I paced the room - I have to say that I'm very thankful for an en-suite in our new house. I text my husband and whined at him about how awful I felt and then I took my prescribed morning sickness tablets and hoped for the best. It didn't work really so I knew it wasn't hormonal and I actually had a bug. Perhaps...
Then I laid there, tossing and turning and trying not to clock-watch until hubby would be home and I could relax knowing that I had him to calm my puking fears down and watch the children which would also reduce my anxiety. As I laid there though, I rolled over onto my left arm - onto the spot where I'd had my whooping cough vaccine, late on Friday night and the penny dropped. Could the vax be the cause of my illness? Hmm, so I naturally consulted Dr Google, who threw up (no pun intended) a ton of reputable sites which confirmed that yes, my symptoms were perhaps entirely down to the jab I'd had.
I was pretty mad I've got to say, I don't usually moan about the things I go through as a surrogate but this (and probably my lack of sleep) really got me riled up. If I wasn't pregnant, I wouldn't of had the vaccination. If I wasn't pregnant, I could of taken my usual anti-sickness/anti-diarrhoea tablets. And if I was pregnant but not a surrogate, I would be suffering for MYSELF and MY baby but this wasn't the case this time. I did mull that over a lot as I traipsed backwards and forwards to the bathroom, snatching fitful minutes of sleep between being ill and trying to referee between my 3 children - who were bored and boisterous because they'd been stuck in 2 days as I felt unwell yesterday too and all for someone else. Which set me off along the irritated and slightly angry path once again.
So, here I am, some 13 hours after being woken up - drained, in pain, still being ill and yet sat with my children, trying to engage with them and be happy mummy when all I want is to feel better first and foremost but secondly, curl up in bed and hope it passes soon. It is moments like this that I get pissed off that I'm a surrogate and my IFs aren't here suffering with me or at least doing something to actually help me whilst I recover* - no, my life goes on despite the fact that none of this is for me.
Anyway, there you have it - rantings of a sleep-deprived, sick and pretty fed up surrogate. Tomorrow I had better be recovered or else part 2 of this rant is just around the corner.
*Disclaimer - They would help me if they were closer and could and really what exactly could they do but angry rantings aren't always logical so there.
And then the bad stomach stuff started. Not fun at all when a) you're exhausted after so little sleep, b) you've a baby doing the samba in your delicate tummy, c) you can't take your usual 'go to' remedies because they aren't allowed in pregnancy and d) you are vomit phobic. Oh and e) you're all alone, with 3 small children because your husband is working as per usual.
So, I sat on the bed and tried not to cry as I paced the room - I have to say that I'm very thankful for an en-suite in our new house. I text my husband and whined at him about how awful I felt and then I took my prescribed morning sickness tablets and hoped for the best. It didn't work really so I knew it wasn't hormonal and I actually had a bug. Perhaps...
Then I laid there, tossing and turning and trying not to clock-watch until hubby would be home and I could relax knowing that I had him to calm my puking fears down and watch the children which would also reduce my anxiety. As I laid there though, I rolled over onto my left arm - onto the spot where I'd had my whooping cough vaccine, late on Friday night and the penny dropped. Could the vax be the cause of my illness? Hmm, so I naturally consulted Dr Google, who threw up (no pun intended) a ton of reputable sites which confirmed that yes, my symptoms were perhaps entirely down to the jab I'd had.
I was pretty mad I've got to say, I don't usually moan about the things I go through as a surrogate but this (and probably my lack of sleep) really got me riled up. If I wasn't pregnant, I wouldn't of had the vaccination. If I wasn't pregnant, I could of taken my usual anti-sickness/anti-diarrhoea tablets. And if I was pregnant but not a surrogate, I would be suffering for MYSELF and MY baby but this wasn't the case this time. I did mull that over a lot as I traipsed backwards and forwards to the bathroom, snatching fitful minutes of sleep between being ill and trying to referee between my 3 children - who were bored and boisterous because they'd been stuck in 2 days as I felt unwell yesterday too and all for someone else. Which set me off along the irritated and slightly angry path once again.
So, here I am, some 13 hours after being woken up - drained, in pain, still being ill and yet sat with my children, trying to engage with them and be happy mummy when all I want is to feel better first and foremost but secondly, curl up in bed and hope it passes soon. It is moments like this that I get pissed off that I'm a surrogate and my IFs aren't here suffering with me or at least doing something to actually help me whilst I recover* - no, my life goes on despite the fact that none of this is for me.
Anyway, there you have it - rantings of a sleep-deprived, sick and pretty fed up surrogate. Tomorrow I had better be recovered or else part 2 of this rant is just around the corner.
*Disclaimer - They would help me if they were closer and could and really what exactly could they do but angry rantings aren't always logical so there.
Thursday 15 November 2012
Meeting Date
Our hospital team meeting is on the 3rd of December, nothing like leaving it until the last minute and I'm starting to believe that this was a deliberate plan so that we have less time to complain and get anything we're not happy about changed before birth. Still, we have a date at least which is a step forward.
My community midwife is coming along, it's a learning curve for her since she's never dealt with a surrogate pregnancy before and she is my advocate which means that she's there to support me and help me to convey our wishes so I've no objections.
I had an interesting conversation with her today though where she told me that my delivering hospital don't have a policy for surrogate births, which contradicts what we were told before. And that neither hospital has dealt with a male couple surrogacy birth either.
The hospital that she is affiliated with (there are 2 hospitals in my city and I'm birthing at the other) has a general surrogacy birth policy though and so she thinks that mine will 'borrow' that one when the meeting comes around. That was a good bit of information to of gained because in my mind, if they don't have a written policy in place then how can they justify denying our reasonable requests? Exactly.
I think it's interesting that this other hospital have a written policy that states that an IM can assume all care of the baby upon birth but not an IF - what if in a normal heterosexual surrogacy agreement, the IM couldn't be there for the birth or what if she was disabled and wasn't able to care for the child and so the IF wanted to assume that role? There's zero thought for anything outside of the norm, which infuriates me. We live in changing times, gay surrogacy is going to increase and these hospitals and their hierarchy need to adjust to meet ever more diverse needs.
Anyway, her boss thinks that we will be offered a double room, which I don't have a problem with but that only the recognised father will get usual father visiting rights and not both K & B. Well, since both are the fathers of the baby in terms of parenting and we don't actually know who is the father, how are they going to dictate who has more visitation rights than the other? We may get lucky and get the midwives to care for the baby at night but that's just what my midwife thinks we could suggest, the likelihood of staffing levels or the staff themselves wanting to take that responsibility on, is pretty slim.
I can feel my midwife's frustration over the situation, she doesn't think what will probably be suggested to us at this meeting will be fair and that perhaps it will be verging on discriminatory but of course, her own personal opinion is not able to be voiced in the professional world so holds no weight, well other than being lovely for me to know.
I don't know what I think or feel, I have so much on my plate already - a probable move to Scotland before Christmas in which case, does fighting here in Bristol even matter that much? My daughter has an operation the end of this month, which is worrying me a lot, general day to day life stress and of course, the very important matter of actually continuing to grow this baby to term and then getting him safely from my womb, into his daddies arms. What happens after is of course very important to me and I do not want to give in to the power of the NHS bigwigs but really, what choice do we have? Especially so late into the pregnancy too.
We deserve to at least have our moment, to say how we feel and talk about our wishes and concerns but do I believe we'll come away from that meeting feeling happier and having found a compromise? No, not really. I guess I'm getting in the mindset already, that what will be, will be and we'll muddle through as best as we can. Doesn't mean I'm happy with it or think it's fair but it is what it is. I'm not even sure that I have that much of a problem with looking after Boo if/when either K or B have to leave the ward, in an ideal world I don't want to and shouldn't have to, but if that's what needs to happen to allow us all to finish our journey on a happy note then I'll take on that job.
The rest of the appointment went like this, all good stuff really:
My community midwife is coming along, it's a learning curve for her since she's never dealt with a surrogate pregnancy before and she is my advocate which means that she's there to support me and help me to convey our wishes so I've no objections.
I had an interesting conversation with her today though where she told me that my delivering hospital don't have a policy for surrogate births, which contradicts what we were told before. And that neither hospital has dealt with a male couple surrogacy birth either.
The hospital that she is affiliated with (there are 2 hospitals in my city and I'm birthing at the other) has a general surrogacy birth policy though and so she thinks that mine will 'borrow' that one when the meeting comes around. That was a good bit of information to of gained because in my mind, if they don't have a written policy in place then how can they justify denying our reasonable requests? Exactly.
I think it's interesting that this other hospital have a written policy that states that an IM can assume all care of the baby upon birth but not an IF - what if in a normal heterosexual surrogacy agreement, the IM couldn't be there for the birth or what if she was disabled and wasn't able to care for the child and so the IF wanted to assume that role? There's zero thought for anything outside of the norm, which infuriates me. We live in changing times, gay surrogacy is going to increase and these hospitals and their hierarchy need to adjust to meet ever more diverse needs.
Anyway, her boss thinks that we will be offered a double room, which I don't have a problem with but that only the recognised father will get usual father visiting rights and not both K & B. Well, since both are the fathers of the baby in terms of parenting and we don't actually know who is the father, how are they going to dictate who has more visitation rights than the other? We may get lucky and get the midwives to care for the baby at night but that's just what my midwife thinks we could suggest, the likelihood of staffing levels or the staff themselves wanting to take that responsibility on, is pretty slim.
I can feel my midwife's frustration over the situation, she doesn't think what will probably be suggested to us at this meeting will be fair and that perhaps it will be verging on discriminatory but of course, her own personal opinion is not able to be voiced in the professional world so holds no weight, well other than being lovely for me to know.
I don't know what I think or feel, I have so much on my plate already - a probable move to Scotland before Christmas in which case, does fighting here in Bristol even matter that much? My daughter has an operation the end of this month, which is worrying me a lot, general day to day life stress and of course, the very important matter of actually continuing to grow this baby to term and then getting him safely from my womb, into his daddies arms. What happens after is of course very important to me and I do not want to give in to the power of the NHS bigwigs but really, what choice do we have? Especially so late into the pregnancy too.
We deserve to at least have our moment, to say how we feel and talk about our wishes and concerns but do I believe we'll come away from that meeting feeling happier and having found a compromise? No, not really. I guess I'm getting in the mindset already, that what will be, will be and we'll muddle through as best as we can. Doesn't mean I'm happy with it or think it's fair but it is what it is. I'm not even sure that I have that much of a problem with looking after Boo if/when either K or B have to leave the ward, in an ideal world I don't want to and shouldn't have to, but if that's what needs to happen to allow us all to finish our journey on a happy note then I'll take on that job.
The rest of the appointment went like this, all good stuff really:
- BP has crept up a little from being low, although very normal, I do hope this isn't the start of an increasing pattern.
- Boo is still breech.
- Heart rate was fine.
- Iron level is now borderline low, she said to try liquid iron and she'll retest in 2 weeks time.
- Fundal height has leapt from last week, I'm now measuring 36cms but in the absence of diabetes, they don't pay much attention to it.
Wednesday 14 November 2012
Money
K and I were talking last night and the discussion of how the expense payments post birth will go, we'd already agreed in our contract and spoken about it since but things change and it's important to recognise that and be flexible but most importantly, be able to discuss openly and honestly those changes in a journey of this nature.
So, my point of view was that it's difficult as a surrogate, once the baby is born because there is a shift in 'power' - not the right word but it is the best word. As a surrogate, you have nothing and as an IP, you have everything - you have the 'prize'. Again, not the right word but it's true nonetheless. It is therefore important that both sides retain some control of the changing situation so that no one person feels left out, until the journey is done and completely dusted and the Parental Order signed off.
I wonder how other surrogates and IPs work this stuff out and whether one way works best, probably not since nothing suits every single person the same. Anyway, we were able to talk frankly about what we thought on the situation and come to an agreement which wasn't far away from what we originally agreed upon but that chat allowed us to air our feelings on the matter. I came away feeling relieved that what could of been a heated exchange, was sorted easily and with us both (B's away but I know K is able to speak on his behalf) happy with the outcome.
Money is the biggest stumbling block, in my opinion, within a surrogacy journey and it's the most awkward thing to talk about but it's also the most necessary. I'm glad that it wasn't the case for us last night and that we managed to respect each others opinion and come together once again to find the solution that works for us all. That itself is worth its weight in gold, so to speak.
So, my point of view was that it's difficult as a surrogate, once the baby is born because there is a shift in 'power' - not the right word but it is the best word. As a surrogate, you have nothing and as an IP, you have everything - you have the 'prize'. Again, not the right word but it's true nonetheless. It is therefore important that both sides retain some control of the changing situation so that no one person feels left out, until the journey is done and completely dusted and the Parental Order signed off.
I wonder how other surrogates and IPs work this stuff out and whether one way works best, probably not since nothing suits every single person the same. Anyway, we were able to talk frankly about what we thought on the situation and come to an agreement which wasn't far away from what we originally agreed upon but that chat allowed us to air our feelings on the matter. I came away feeling relieved that what could of been a heated exchange, was sorted easily and with us both (B's away but I know K is able to speak on his behalf) happy with the outcome.
Money is the biggest stumbling block, in my opinion, within a surrogacy journey and it's the most awkward thing to talk about but it's also the most necessary. I'm glad that it wasn't the case for us last night and that we managed to respect each others opinion and come together once again to find the solution that works for us all. That itself is worth its weight in gold, so to speak.
4-Weekly Bump Shot
And a bonus, a nekkid bump shot - ignore what looks like the lopsided boob thing, it's the way that top is falling I hope! LOL.
Monday 12 November 2012
No Title Needed
I want to put these on before the moment has passed (or more likely, I forget!)
K did some clever fiddling with the colour, saturation, hue or whatever else that technical stuff you do to photos to sharpen them up is called, on the 4d scan pictures and here they are.
Isn't he adorable?! As I type, he's squirming up a storm in my tummy. He no longer really kicks, more pulsates when he kicks a limb out and the rest is squirming under my belly - very Alien'esque and something I have to be honest and say I can't get used to and never could with my own. It's crazy the amount of times this young man has moved so forcefully that I have jumped out of my skin, he likes to make his presence felt! There's certainly no ignoring him, which is annoying when every time I get my phone out to film it for his Daddies, he decides to play statues! One day....although we're fast running out of those!
K did some clever fiddling with the colour, saturation, hue or whatever else that technical stuff you do to photos to sharpen them up is called, on the 4d scan pictures and here they are.
Isn't he adorable?! As I type, he's squirming up a storm in my tummy. He no longer really kicks, more pulsates when he kicks a limb out and the rest is squirming under my belly - very Alien'esque and something I have to be honest and say I can't get used to and never could with my own. It's crazy the amount of times this young man has moved so forcefully that I have jumped out of my skin, he likes to make his presence felt! There's certainly no ignoring him, which is annoying when every time I get my phone out to film it for his Daddies, he decides to play statues! One day....although we're fast running out of those!
Friday 9 November 2012
I Know, I Know!
It has been ages since I last posted but I've been away for a week in Scotland, seeing my mum and gran and then I had no internet connection at home until today.
Anyway, so much has happened so I'll start from the top:
I passed my glucose tolerance test, with flying colours which was expected but it was nice to get the official word - I know now that I'm unlikely to grow a baby the size of a turkey! LOL.
My iron levels have come back OK, which was surprising given how I've been feeling but it appears I have low blood pressure which is probably the cause. I'll take low over high any day obviously.
Baby has consistently been breech, which was confirmed again at our 32 week scan this week. There were mutterings of a c-section but things can still change, as they did with my 3rd child who was also breech at this point, and so it was left until after the next scan in 4 weeks to discuss it any further. Tentative date for a section was the 27th December though - I admit, I got a horrible feeling in my stomach when that was said but actually, a section may not be a bad thing for us all in reality.
We were given an estimated weight at this scan, which was unexpected because as I've mentioned before, my hospital had stopped doing it because it was so wildly inaccurate but they must of updated their technology or simply have more faith nowadays - Boo is around 4lbs currently, expected to be around 8lbs at birth, if he follows an average growth pattern.
Also, we spoke to the head consultant about my GBS concerns. He said that some well-read professors had come up with a standard for hospitals to follow now and basically, it wasn't worth me testing or worrying about it in this pregnancy. I did laugh when he said he didn't think I would get to hospital in time to be given the 4 hours pre-delivery dose of antibiotics anyway. Ha, I love his optimism but I did want to reply 'hey, this ain't my first rodeo, buddy, I know how these things work!'
He advised 6 weeks of post-partum blood thinning injections, given my history and the raised BMI, he thinks it's better to play it safe. I am not looking forward to stabbing myself daily, especially when I know from experience that that drug stings a lot and bruises your skin so easily. Still, keeping well and recovering fully is more important so I'll close my eyes and be a big, brave girl.
The most eye-opening part of the appointment though was when we had a lovely midwife who was interested in our unique situation. We told her we were waiting on a meeting with the hospital team (yes, still...) to discuss care and post-delivery details and she offered to speak to her Matron to see what she could find out.
Shortly after, the head consultant went to also see what he could find out and to chase the process along, which was much appreciated.
Anyway, it doesn't bode well for us to be honest, although my hospital have had plenty of experience with surrogate births, they are not flexible or accommodating it seems. Things like 'well, the mother will be expected to care for the baby or otherwise Social Services will need to get involved' were said, which we all found very upsetting. It wasn't the midwife's fault, she was merely conveying what her boss had said on the phone but to hear that our wishes may not be respected or honoured was very unsettling.
So, where does this leave us? Up in the air is the answer, we have to push my community midwife to set this meeting up. I see her next week and plan to stamp my feet over the delay so far, there really can be no excuse any more. We will know more once the meeting has taken place, hopefully with some persuasion and compromise, we can all reach a plan that we're comfortable with. For now, I'm taking to burying my head in the sand since there is little else I can do at this point. I know that the boys are stressed about it and rightly so, we all thought just getting pregnant was the hardest thing. Ha!
I'm keeping well otherwise, very tired now and breathless but given that his head seems wedged under my diaphragm, that's not surprising. Still battling the dreaded morning sickness but determined to enjoy every moment because the end is fast approaching and I know when it does, I'll miss it although I'm so not ready to give birth!
Anyway, so much has happened so I'll start from the top:
I passed my glucose tolerance test, with flying colours which was expected but it was nice to get the official word - I know now that I'm unlikely to grow a baby the size of a turkey! LOL.
My iron levels have come back OK, which was surprising given how I've been feeling but it appears I have low blood pressure which is probably the cause. I'll take low over high any day obviously.
Baby has consistently been breech, which was confirmed again at our 32 week scan this week. There were mutterings of a c-section but things can still change, as they did with my 3rd child who was also breech at this point, and so it was left until after the next scan in 4 weeks to discuss it any further. Tentative date for a section was the 27th December though - I admit, I got a horrible feeling in my stomach when that was said but actually, a section may not be a bad thing for us all in reality.
We were given an estimated weight at this scan, which was unexpected because as I've mentioned before, my hospital had stopped doing it because it was so wildly inaccurate but they must of updated their technology or simply have more faith nowadays - Boo is around 4lbs currently, expected to be around 8lbs at birth, if he follows an average growth pattern.
Also, we spoke to the head consultant about my GBS concerns. He said that some well-read professors had come up with a standard for hospitals to follow now and basically, it wasn't worth me testing or worrying about it in this pregnancy. I did laugh when he said he didn't think I would get to hospital in time to be given the 4 hours pre-delivery dose of antibiotics anyway. Ha, I love his optimism but I did want to reply 'hey, this ain't my first rodeo, buddy, I know how these things work!'
He advised 6 weeks of post-partum blood thinning injections, given my history and the raised BMI, he thinks it's better to play it safe. I am not looking forward to stabbing myself daily, especially when I know from experience that that drug stings a lot and bruises your skin so easily. Still, keeping well and recovering fully is more important so I'll close my eyes and be a big, brave girl.
The most eye-opening part of the appointment though was when we had a lovely midwife who was interested in our unique situation. We told her we were waiting on a meeting with the hospital team (yes, still...) to discuss care and post-delivery details and she offered to speak to her Matron to see what she could find out.
Shortly after, the head consultant went to also see what he could find out and to chase the process along, which was much appreciated.
Anyway, it doesn't bode well for us to be honest, although my hospital have had plenty of experience with surrogate births, they are not flexible or accommodating it seems. Things like 'well, the mother will be expected to care for the baby or otherwise Social Services will need to get involved' were said, which we all found very upsetting. It wasn't the midwife's fault, she was merely conveying what her boss had said on the phone but to hear that our wishes may not be respected or honoured was very unsettling.
So, where does this leave us? Up in the air is the answer, we have to push my community midwife to set this meeting up. I see her next week and plan to stamp my feet over the delay so far, there really can be no excuse any more. We will know more once the meeting has taken place, hopefully with some persuasion and compromise, we can all reach a plan that we're comfortable with. For now, I'm taking to burying my head in the sand since there is little else I can do at this point. I know that the boys are stressed about it and rightly so, we all thought just getting pregnant was the hardest thing. Ha!
I'm keeping well otherwise, very tired now and breathless but given that his head seems wedged under my diaphragm, that's not surprising. Still battling the dreaded morning sickness but determined to enjoy every moment because the end is fast approaching and I know when it does, I'll miss it although I'm so not ready to give birth!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)