And my 29 week bump shot, I actually look smaller for some reason.
Wednesday 17 October 2012
Photos
A shot from our scan on Friday, not the greatest as I said in my previous post, because he seemed to love hanging out right up against my placenta but still, how cute is he and look at that frowning mouth! It's OK, baby, you've got nothing to be sad about, you've got a fabulous life ahead of you and 2 very impatient Daddies waiting to meet you and who already love you so very much!
And my 29 week bump shot, I actually look smaller for some reason.
And my 29 week bump shot, I actually look smaller for some reason.
Tuesday 16 October 2012
Marking A Special Day
Yesterday (15th) was Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day, it's a day I know others mark and yesterday was no different. My Facebook feed had a few statuses about it and my thoughts immediately went with my friends who've suffered a loss as always but it was not something that has particularly struck me personally. Until today when I realised that actually, I now join that exclusive club, the one that no woman or man wants to be a member of.
It's strange because I have lost a pregnancy, I have lost a baby but I haven't in the way that a lot of women have. No, I've lost something but still have something as precious and special and there's no way to logically tally the two in my mind.
Strangely it did hit me harder than I thought once it sank in that this was one anniversary that would now mean something to me on a deeper and more intimate level.
I know that K & B will now always be my fellow member too, our lives changed that bit more forever.
Of course some will say it's different for us - both because of the situation and how can I have feelings for something that was never mine but also because I am still pregnant and will (god willing) come out the other side with beautiful, much wanted and precious Boo. Nonetheless, we should of come out the other side with two beautiful, much wanted and precious Boos. It just wasn't meant to be, I'm philosophical about that but it doesn't take the sadness away that what could of been, isn't.
And so today, fashionably late, I lit a candle (well OK, a tealight but hey, I have 3 children and candles are a big no no here) for our lost baby and allowed myself a tear or two. After that, I said a little thank you to whoever is up there that we still have this baby and promised myself that I won't forget to mark the right day next year, remembering what should of been.
It's strange because I have lost a pregnancy, I have lost a baby but I haven't in the way that a lot of women have. No, I've lost something but still have something as precious and special and there's no way to logically tally the two in my mind.
Strangely it did hit me harder than I thought once it sank in that this was one anniversary that would now mean something to me on a deeper and more intimate level.
I know that K & B will now always be my fellow member too, our lives changed that bit more forever.
Of course some will say it's different for us - both because of the situation and how can I have feelings for something that was never mine but also because I am still pregnant and will (god willing) come out the other side with beautiful, much wanted and precious Boo. Nonetheless, we should of come out the other side with two beautiful, much wanted and precious Boos. It just wasn't meant to be, I'm philosophical about that but it doesn't take the sadness away that what could of been, isn't.
And so today, fashionably late, I lit a candle (well OK, a tealight but hey, I have 3 children and candles are a big no no here) for our lost baby and allowed myself a tear or two. After that, I said a little thank you to whoever is up there that we still have this baby and promised myself that I won't forget to mark the right day next year, remembering what should of been.
Saturday 13 October 2012
4D
It was fab to see Boo in all his glory yesterday! Certainly made the 4am start to London worth it and more. A bit of a dodgy journey for me, awful morning sickness and I have to be honest and say I had to stop myself getting off at various stops because I was positive I was going to be sick all over the man who was unlucky enough to be sat opposite me. I bet I looked a lovely shade of green, I'm so over this part of pregnancy.
Anyway, we all made it to London in time and headed to the famous Harley Street for our date seeing Boo on the big screen, K & B were like my bodyguards as we braved the rush hour underground, very sweet.
He looks so cute, even if I do say so myself - great cheekbones, button nose and a big cuddly tummy. I think Daddies are even more in love than they were before, if that's even possible.
Boo is currently breech (not another repeat of my 3rd pregnancy, please!), with a head measuring right on target, legs caught up to normal from our 21 week scan and a large tummy. It's currently measuring at 32 weeks, which is almost 4 weeks ahead of what I currently am. Estimated weight? 3lb 4ozs! We were all shocked about that because he should weigh around 2-2.5lbs at this point but from experience, I know that weight guestimates are pretty inaccurate. Still...I'm a bit apprehensive but will get clarification and some reassurance from my own midwife next week.
The lady doing the scan was really sweet and funny, she had an accent and kept saying things that were cracking us all up - things like 'oooh, big baby, big baby!' Boo was sucking on the umbilical cord, I think he was checking if the input system was broken since I hadn't had any breakfast still at that point! He was snuggled up against my placenta which made getting excellent pictures a bit difficult but we were all thrilled with just being able to see so much detail and the photos were secondary. She checked the gender, all boy still and she switched to 2d so we could see the spine etc. The boys came away with a DVD of the scan and some 4d pictures and an unforgettable experience.
I shouldn't be surprised that Boo was a good weight, I can feel every oz of him lately! I asked K & B if they wanted to have a feel of my bump - I think that's pretty much the first time they have and it was something that I had wanted to bring up but didn't want them to feel uncomfortable or awkward, as it turns out, they wanted to also but didn't want to invade my personal space. K has told me he's up for a good squeeze any time! It's important to me that they feel able to do these things, it's a lovely part of the pregnancy and they shouldn't miss out on a thing just because of our situation.
Hopefully I will have a picture to share in a while and will post it when I do but I wanted to post as soon as I had caught up on some much needed sleep, whilst it was still fresh in my mind.
Anyway, we all made it to London in time and headed to the famous Harley Street for our date seeing Boo on the big screen, K & B were like my bodyguards as we braved the rush hour underground, very sweet.
He looks so cute, even if I do say so myself - great cheekbones, button nose and a big cuddly tummy. I think Daddies are even more in love than they were before, if that's even possible.
Boo is currently breech (not another repeat of my 3rd pregnancy, please!), with a head measuring right on target, legs caught up to normal from our 21 week scan and a large tummy. It's currently measuring at 32 weeks, which is almost 4 weeks ahead of what I currently am. Estimated weight? 3lb 4ozs! We were all shocked about that because he should weigh around 2-2.5lbs at this point but from experience, I know that weight guestimates are pretty inaccurate. Still...I'm a bit apprehensive but will get clarification and some reassurance from my own midwife next week.
The lady doing the scan was really sweet and funny, she had an accent and kept saying things that were cracking us all up - things like 'oooh, big baby, big baby!' Boo was sucking on the umbilical cord, I think he was checking if the input system was broken since I hadn't had any breakfast still at that point! He was snuggled up against my placenta which made getting excellent pictures a bit difficult but we were all thrilled with just being able to see so much detail and the photos were secondary. She checked the gender, all boy still and she switched to 2d so we could see the spine etc. The boys came away with a DVD of the scan and some 4d pictures and an unforgettable experience.
I shouldn't be surprised that Boo was a good weight, I can feel every oz of him lately! I asked K & B if they wanted to have a feel of my bump - I think that's pretty much the first time they have and it was something that I had wanted to bring up but didn't want them to feel uncomfortable or awkward, as it turns out, they wanted to also but didn't want to invade my personal space. K has told me he's up for a good squeeze any time! It's important to me that they feel able to do these things, it's a lovely part of the pregnancy and they shouldn't miss out on a thing just because of our situation.
Hopefully I will have a picture to share in a while and will post it when I do but I wanted to post as soon as I had caught up on some much needed sleep, whilst it was still fresh in my mind.
Wednesday 10 October 2012
Always The Way!
My oldest has a sickness bug and it's been going on, on and off, since Monday and I'm paranoid that I'm going to catch it and not be able to make our scan on Friday. I've booked the train tickets, my IFs have taken the day off and the voucher has been used to book it so a lot rides on me and Boo being there. I really want to be there of course but I also really simply don't want to be sick - being vomit phobic and all, I've not slept properly for the last few nights for worrying that it'll reach me.
So, please please think positive-no-sick vibes for me. I've thankfully avoided the last 2 bugs that the children have kindly brought home and so hope that this is my lucky number 3!
So, please please think positive-no-sick vibes for me. I've thankfully avoided the last 2 bugs that the children have kindly brought home and so hope that this is my lucky number 3!
Wednesday 3 October 2012
Third Trimester, Baby!
At this end of this pregnancy week, we'll be into our 3rd and final trimester! I am so excited, I can't explain what it feels like to have reached this point in my surrogacy journey. I keep smiling to myself when I think of exactly what I'm doing and how close we all are to meeting Boo and to making K & B complete - just absolutely amazing. I'm pretty awesome, even if I say so myself. ;o)
I'm feeling good overall, just the usual things that continue to rumble on but I really don't mind - I so love being pregnant and for such a fantastic and worthwhile reason makes it all the more manageable. It's not all sunshine and roses, when I am awoken every hour to go to the bathroom or I can hardly lift my head off the pillow in the morning but in the grand scheme of things, it doesn't really matter that much after all.
The boys have gone away for a week, a last holiday as a couple and to recharge their batteries, both have been working like Trojans to pay for the journey and all the expense that having a baby brings. They've done themselves proud and they certainly deserve their break away. And it's their wedding anniversary coming up - see boys, I notice these things - pregnancy brain didn't steal that one!
Next week, we're all heading to London to have a private 4D scan - at a Harley Street clinic no less! Bit of a trek and I'm not relishing having to negotiate 2 trains, one being the underground but it'll be worth it to see Boo after 7 weeks and see how much he's grown. I wonder what the clinic will make of us and our situation but I'm used to the open mouths and usual questions though, I almost enjoy watching how people react and explaining what we're doing and I seem to have yet to experience any personal negativity really which is nice.
It is funny how people ask the same questions and say the same things though:
'What does your husband think about it? Is he OK?
'How can you hand a baby over?'
'That's amazing, I could never do it!'
'Are they friends of yours?'
'You're amazing/an angel/so selfless'
'Don't you feel anything towards the baby?'
'Are you going to stay in touch afterwards?'
Also next week, I have my glucose tolerance test, I know I will pass because my husband has diabetes so I use his blood sugar monitor from time to time to keep an eye on my levels and they've been perfect every time. Not sure how I'll feel drinking 500mls of pure sugar at 10am and on an empty stomach, especially with my nausea but it's a one off and will be worth doing to get the official all-clear. It also helps my possible home birth plans because it rules out, to some extent, having an overly large baby.
I expect to also have the whooping cough vaccination at my next midwife appointment the following week. There is an outbreak here and the health agency have advised all pregnant women 28-32 weeks have it, more to protect the newborn as there seems to be an issue with newborns catching it before they have a chance to have their first whopping cough vaccination. I have never had a problem with vaccinations, for myself or my own children but it's really up to my IPs because it will affect (albeit in a good way) their child but I do see it as an extension of my 'job' as a surrogate, to keep the baby safe and well.
If you're UK based and reading this and don't know what the advice is, read here:
http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/pregnancy-and-baby/Pages/whooping-cough-vaccination-pregnant.aspx
My children are growing more curious and excited about the baby too - my oldest likes to put his hand on my tummy and see if he can feel Boo move and my middle child asks when the baby is going to be born quite often now. They ask how big Boo is currently and how he's developing each week, it's very sweet and I'm so pleased that they've not shown any negativity towards me being pregnant for someone else. I hope that it continues that way because they have always been my main concern throughout the surrogacy journey.
I was going to talk about the bitchy and negative vibe lately on surrogacy boards across the internet, mainly FB but not exclusively, but then I figured that actually since deleting myself from every board and being selective about who I'm friends with from the scene, I don't really care so much! Something to be said about keeping myself to myself - I don't need to be dealing with people who really have no place to talk and no place to be making surrogacy look anything other than a fantastic thing, by their actions. Who knew that being a grown up and making a special baby didn't require maturity or morals for some? I canNOT stand stupid at the best of times but it seems even less so currently or maybe it really is more prevelant than ever?
On that rather vague note, I'll sign off here but will be back next week to update on the 2 appointments and hopefully with pictures!
I'm feeling good overall, just the usual things that continue to rumble on but I really don't mind - I so love being pregnant and for such a fantastic and worthwhile reason makes it all the more manageable. It's not all sunshine and roses, when I am awoken every hour to go to the bathroom or I can hardly lift my head off the pillow in the morning but in the grand scheme of things, it doesn't really matter that much after all.
The boys have gone away for a week, a last holiday as a couple and to recharge their batteries, both have been working like Trojans to pay for the journey and all the expense that having a baby brings. They've done themselves proud and they certainly deserve their break away. And it's their wedding anniversary coming up - see boys, I notice these things - pregnancy brain didn't steal that one!
Next week, we're all heading to London to have a private 4D scan - at a Harley Street clinic no less! Bit of a trek and I'm not relishing having to negotiate 2 trains, one being the underground but it'll be worth it to see Boo after 7 weeks and see how much he's grown. I wonder what the clinic will make of us and our situation but I'm used to the open mouths and usual questions though, I almost enjoy watching how people react and explaining what we're doing and I seem to have yet to experience any personal negativity really which is nice.
It is funny how people ask the same questions and say the same things though:
'What does your husband think about it? Is he OK?
'How can you hand a baby over?'
'That's amazing, I could never do it!'
'Are they friends of yours?'
'You're amazing/an angel/so selfless'
'Don't you feel anything towards the baby?'
'Are you going to stay in touch afterwards?'
Also next week, I have my glucose tolerance test, I know I will pass because my husband has diabetes so I use his blood sugar monitor from time to time to keep an eye on my levels and they've been perfect every time. Not sure how I'll feel drinking 500mls of pure sugar at 10am and on an empty stomach, especially with my nausea but it's a one off and will be worth doing to get the official all-clear. It also helps my possible home birth plans because it rules out, to some extent, having an overly large baby.
I expect to also have the whooping cough vaccination at my next midwife appointment the following week. There is an outbreak here and the health agency have advised all pregnant women 28-32 weeks have it, more to protect the newborn as there seems to be an issue with newborns catching it before they have a chance to have their first whopping cough vaccination. I have never had a problem with vaccinations, for myself or my own children but it's really up to my IPs because it will affect (albeit in a good way) their child but I do see it as an extension of my 'job' as a surrogate, to keep the baby safe and well.
If you're UK based and reading this and don't know what the advice is, read here:
http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/pregnancy-and-baby/Pages/whooping-cough-vaccination-pregnant.aspx
My children are growing more curious and excited about the baby too - my oldest likes to put his hand on my tummy and see if he can feel Boo move and my middle child asks when the baby is going to be born quite often now. They ask how big Boo is currently and how he's developing each week, it's very sweet and I'm so pleased that they've not shown any negativity towards me being pregnant for someone else. I hope that it continues that way because they have always been my main concern throughout the surrogacy journey.
I was going to talk about the bitchy and negative vibe lately on surrogacy boards across the internet, mainly FB but not exclusively, but then I figured that actually since deleting myself from every board and being selective about who I'm friends with from the scene, I don't really care so much! Something to be said about keeping myself to myself - I don't need to be dealing with people who really have no place to talk and no place to be making surrogacy look anything other than a fantastic thing, by their actions. Who knew that being a grown up and making a special baby didn't require maturity or morals for some? I canNOT stand stupid at the best of times but it seems even less so currently or maybe it really is more prevelant than ever?
On that rather vague note, I'll sign off here but will be back next week to update on the 2 appointments and hopefully with pictures!
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