I had a fantastic time seeing K and baby Oli this past weekend, K had a work course to attend near to Bristol and so combined that with popping down to see us. Sadly B couldn't make it this time because he's been juggling work and family commitments. We certainly missed you, Mr R!
It made sense for me to babysit Oli whilst K did his work stuff and so I bit his hand off when he suggested it! Cuddling a baby? Yes please. Smooshing my surrobaby? Hell YES! A no-brainer.
K and I had something to eat the evening before and it was lovely. As soon as I stepped out of the car, I couldn't hide my happiness at seeing him again. Barr a few small bags under his eyes, it was like old times! Still as gorgeous though, K, don't worry! ;) And with a gorgeous small person in tow, to make it even better.
Oli was sleeping when I first saw him but soon wanted to join in the reunion and t was so sweet to see his face trying to figure out where he knew this voice from! He has got so big, with lovely chubby cheeks and chunky little legs - exactly as a baby should be. He's also the most content, placid and sweet natured boy who allowed me to love on him and give him lots of cuddles.
Next morning, I had my youngest's belated birthday party and so K came along. He frankly looked shell-shocked at the level of noise a building full of small children can make but the best part was watching the other mum's try and figure out the logistics of our situation. They obviously know I was pregnant, they know I haven't brought any baby along to school drop off or pick up and then they saw this seemingly single man, obviously gay and with a tiny baby in tow, whom I couldn't take my eyes off of. I'm pretty sure I could smell the burning as the cogs of their minds went into overdrive. Haha!
After an hour, K made an escape to get changed for work and settle Oli at my house and we joined him after the party had finished. My children loved seeing Oli and were over the moon to get the opportunity to babysit him. Oli was very obliging of being handled for cuddles and gave them all lots of smiles.
I loved being able to stroke his sweet head and kiss those cheeks - I didn't feel any bond though, I love babies in general and Oli was no different but there was no tug at my heart or sadness that I didn't get to do this on a daily basis. In the flesh, he doesn't really look like me or my children btw, it's a strange thought.
We had a fabulous few hours with him and then it was time to return him to his rightful owner! It was great to have him with us but I was fine when it was time to say goodbye. I loved every second of the day and felt very privileged that I have trusting IPs who trusted me with their son and allowed me that special time. So many IPs just shove their surrogate to the sidelines once the main job is done and dusted and they have little regard to how that makes a surrogate feel. A little meeting and a chance for a cuddle every so often can do wonders to keep the good relationship going, to help soothe an aching heart and to allow the surrogate to maintain that small bond that they will always have with the baby they grew and carried for so long.
The trouble is, I think some IPs are scared of allowing a surrogate access to their child, they fret that she may feel a bond and suddenly change her mind. It could happen I suppose but for the most part, if a surrogate has actively tried for a child they knew they will ultimately give that child over that child and all without issue then it's pretty safe to assume a cuddle isn't going to alter that.
I'm still struggling with the shift in our relationship, I wish I could say different. All 3 are special in my heart and always will be but it really is time to mentally adjust and begin moving forwards. I'm happy and sad, a very mixed feeling.
I've been actively talking to potential IPs still and making some lovely contacts and hopefully have some meetings lined up in the next month or so, so we'll see how that goes. I don't know why, but I do feel like I'm not entirely whole-heartedly into it right now, I'm excited and loving making special contacts but I do believe it's all down to my mindset and I'm the only one who can change that - it's just a matter of time and allowing that connection to form and taking it from there.
Oh and on a final note, still no AF. Where, oh where, is she?!
Sunday 24 March 2013
Saturday 9 March 2013
Broody
AF still hasn't landed in my house yet (8 weeks and counting) but I'm really ready to jump back into ttc! I'm in hormonal hell currently so hoping it is because she's not too far away.
I've had a fair bit of interest from various sites and existing contacts but nothing has jumped out at me and made me want to take things further. I'm having confidence issues too, which is crazy given I've 'proven' myself, which should make me feel good about putting myself out there and forwards, but no, some things never change!
Oli is getting bigger and cuter, he has started to sleep through the night sometimes I hear, which is lovely for his sleep-deprived parents. He also had his first set of vaccinations today and I hear both him and his dads were brave. I'm finally starting to see a bit of myself when I look at pictures of him but it doesn't bother me at all, just nice to see how much he changes.
Not much else to say really but felt I should post something to keep the blog ticking over.
I've had a fair bit of interest from various sites and existing contacts but nothing has jumped out at me and made me want to take things further. I'm having confidence issues too, which is crazy given I've 'proven' myself, which should make me feel good about putting myself out there and forwards, but no, some things never change!
Oli is getting bigger and cuter, he has started to sleep through the night sometimes I hear, which is lovely for his sleep-deprived parents. He also had his first set of vaccinations today and I hear both him and his dads were brave. I'm finally starting to see a bit of myself when I look at pictures of him but it doesn't bother me at all, just nice to see how much he changes.
Not much else to say really but felt I should post something to keep the blog ticking over.
Friday 8 March 2013
83 Down, Just 1 To Go!
(For some reason this post got re-saved and dated 8th March but was actually from the middle of Feb)
Hurrah, the day has finally come - the final injection! Yaaaaaay, I will not be sad to never see one of these again. It's got progressively harder to find a spot that wasn't tender, to avoid pain and even harder to control my anxiety every time 9am or 9pm rolled around. Still, they kept me healthy and so for that, I forgive them!
What's happened here since my last post? Hmm. Not much really! Some small time drama on a group I was part of, which led to me being deleted - and K too. Meh. I'm over it and we have now started our own facebook surrogacy group. I just figured that K and I have more than enough experience of almost every aspect of traditional surrogacy that we can offer something to others perhaps and at least I can be myself on this board. If you fancy being a part of it and being a member where a difference of opinion and a good debate is welcome then feel free to join us. If you're reading this as a member of another board, rest assured that there is no secrecy or drama, you're as welcome to join as anyone else so please do, just ask!
I've been up and down to Scotland a lot, being with my mum and gran. I'm pleased to say that both are now home and slowly but surely getting back into the little routine they had going pre-accident and my mum's hip is getting better with time.
Gorgeous baby Oliver is thriving and as cute as a button, he is so squishable. I keep telling K and B how much I want to smoosh his little cheeks and give him a big kiss, he looks absolutely adorable. The boys are still adjusting to life without sleep and little routine but are as happy as anything and it melts my heart what a lovely little family they are. Oh and he still looks nothing like me!
As for another match, well there has been a discussion between K, B and I about a sibling project but nothing has been agreed. In the meantime, I did talk to some other potential matches and had K and B's blessing to do so - which although to some wasn't necessary, felt the right thing to do for me. Some were promising and some fizzled out at an early stage. Also, there are other possible obstacles that may prevent anything happening at all - a sibling project included but I'm not ready to reveal yet because I don't want to have to backtrack if things don't move in that direction after all.
I have my 6 week post-baby check up with the GP next week. Not expecting anything exciting to come from it, hoping my bp has remained stable and that everything is as it should be. I have a telephone consultation next this week regarding the blood tests I had taken, that I mentioned in my last post. I was told it was non-urgent but that the doctor wanted to speak with me, I'm pretty sure it'll be iron related - as it normally is so I'm not concerned.
Still waiting for the arrival of AF, I constantly feel like she will be here but nothing as yet. I can't recall if they returned earlier or later than this with my own 3 and really, it doesn't matter but I would just like to get that part back on track too and have it out the way - well until next month anyway.
Hoping for life to return to some sense of calm and normality after a crazy few months, unfortunately with 2 out of 3 children off school sick currently, I will have to wait just a little while longer!
Hurrah, the day has finally come - the final injection! Yaaaaaay, I will not be sad to never see one of these again. It's got progressively harder to find a spot that wasn't tender, to avoid pain and even harder to control my anxiety every time 9am or 9pm rolled around. Still, they kept me healthy and so for that, I forgive them!
What's happened here since my last post? Hmm. Not much really! Some small time drama on a group I was part of, which led to me being deleted - and K too. Meh. I'm over it and we have now started our own facebook surrogacy group. I just figured that K and I have more than enough experience of almost every aspect of traditional surrogacy that we can offer something to others perhaps and at least I can be myself on this board. If you fancy being a part of it and being a member where a difference of opinion and a good debate is welcome then feel free to join us. If you're reading this as a member of another board, rest assured that there is no secrecy or drama, you're as welcome to join as anyone else so please do, just ask!
I've been up and down to Scotland a lot, being with my mum and gran. I'm pleased to say that both are now home and slowly but surely getting back into the little routine they had going pre-accident and my mum's hip is getting better with time.
Gorgeous baby Oliver is thriving and as cute as a button, he is so squishable. I keep telling K and B how much I want to smoosh his little cheeks and give him a big kiss, he looks absolutely adorable. The boys are still adjusting to life without sleep and little routine but are as happy as anything and it melts my heart what a lovely little family they are. Oh and he still looks nothing like me!
As for another match, well there has been a discussion between K, B and I about a sibling project but nothing has been agreed. In the meantime, I did talk to some other potential matches and had K and B's blessing to do so - which although to some wasn't necessary, felt the right thing to do for me. Some were promising and some fizzled out at an early stage. Also, there are other possible obstacles that may prevent anything happening at all - a sibling project included but I'm not ready to reveal yet because I don't want to have to backtrack if things don't move in that direction after all.
I have my 6 week post-baby check up with the GP next week. Not expecting anything exciting to come from it, hoping my bp has remained stable and that everything is as it should be. I have a telephone consultation next this week regarding the blood tests I had taken, that I mentioned in my last post. I was told it was non-urgent but that the doctor wanted to speak with me, I'm pretty sure it'll be iron related - as it normally is so I'm not concerned.
Still waiting for the arrival of AF, I constantly feel like she will be here but nothing as yet. I can't recall if they returned earlier or later than this with my own 3 and really, it doesn't matter but I would just like to get that part back on track too and have it out the way - well until next month anyway.
Hoping for life to return to some sense of calm and normality after a crazy few months, unfortunately with 2 out of 3 children off school sick currently, I will have to wait just a little while longer!
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