Journey 2:
Cycle 10: Length: 25 and LP: 10
Cycle 11: Length: 29 and LP: 14
Cycle 12: Length: 26 and LP: 10
Cycle 13: Length: 28 and LP: 13 (Clomid 100mg - Days 2-6)
Cycle 14: Length: 28 and LP: 13 (Clomid 100mg - Days 2-6)
Cycle 15: Length: 26 and LP: 12 (Clomid 100mg - Days 2-6)
Cycle 16: Length: 27 and LP: 12 (Clomid 100mg - Days 2-6)
Cycle 17: Length: 28 and LP: 13 (Clomid 100mg - Days 2-6)
Unmatched:
Cycle 18: Length: 23 and LP: ? (Not tracking ovulation)
Cycle 19: Length: 28 and LP: ?
Saturday 24 September 2011
Tuesday 20 September 2011
Couple One
It's been a while since my last post and so I thought I had best stop by and update on things.
Well, I did meet one couple this past Saturday. They are lovely, we had coffee and spoke for a few hours and it was nice. They have said that they really liked me and would like to match which is always flattering to hear because you never know what people really think of you until that point!
However, I was talking to another couple first and they had already expressed that they wanted to meet me but are currently on holiday for 2 weeks and so out of fairness, I've told couple 1 that I would like to hold off on making any decision until I've met couple 2. It is only right that couple 2 are given the chance.
It will also allow me and couple 1 time to continue to get to know each other, which you can never do enough of.
I am finding it hard though to know how I'm supposed to know if a couple are right for me or not. I mean, I thought twice before that I'd picked the right couple and neither turned out to be! I almost have to go on blind faith and gut instinct I guess. There's no thunderbolt or violins playing to give me the sign unfortunately.
I was thinking the other night, why I didn't just throw in the towel on the whole surrogacy thing but my heart just didn't match my head I guess. When I walk away and say I'm absolutely done, I need to know that I gave it my all and couldn't do any more, it just wasn't meant to be. I don't want regrets and to be left always wondering.
The trouble is, there are so many things that go with making the decision to look for a match again and get back into all that that entails and I have to be honest and say that there are days where I wonder (and worry) if I've got it in me to go back to that place and do it all over again. And my life is so crazy busy still and about to get even busier, do I even have the spare time that surrogacy needs to be successful?
More importantly, I question whether I've got the same level of enthusiasm and commitment that I had the last 2 times. It's difficult to answer that and I sometimes wonder if I'm spurring myself on and simply talking myself into continuing when really I don't want to.
But, I guess I just have to leap into the unknown once again and do all I can do and that is to have hope - that I make the right decision, that I pick the right couple, to hope I am strong enough and believe that I will be at last successful - basically to just have faith and hope.
Well, I did meet one couple this past Saturday. They are lovely, we had coffee and spoke for a few hours and it was nice. They have said that they really liked me and would like to match which is always flattering to hear because you never know what people really think of you until that point!
However, I was talking to another couple first and they had already expressed that they wanted to meet me but are currently on holiday for 2 weeks and so out of fairness, I've told couple 1 that I would like to hold off on making any decision until I've met couple 2. It is only right that couple 2 are given the chance.
It will also allow me and couple 1 time to continue to get to know each other, which you can never do enough of.
I am finding it hard though to know how I'm supposed to know if a couple are right for me or not. I mean, I thought twice before that I'd picked the right couple and neither turned out to be! I almost have to go on blind faith and gut instinct I guess. There's no thunderbolt or violins playing to give me the sign unfortunately.
I was thinking the other night, why I didn't just throw in the towel on the whole surrogacy thing but my heart just didn't match my head I guess. When I walk away and say I'm absolutely done, I need to know that I gave it my all and couldn't do any more, it just wasn't meant to be. I don't want regrets and to be left always wondering.
The trouble is, there are so many things that go with making the decision to look for a match again and get back into all that that entails and I have to be honest and say that there are days where I wonder (and worry) if I've got it in me to go back to that place and do it all over again. And my life is so crazy busy still and about to get even busier, do I even have the spare time that surrogacy needs to be successful?
More importantly, I question whether I've got the same level of enthusiasm and commitment that I had the last 2 times. It's difficult to answer that and I sometimes wonder if I'm spurring myself on and simply talking myself into continuing when really I don't want to.
But, I guess I just have to leap into the unknown once again and do all I can do and that is to have hope - that I make the right decision, that I pick the right couple, to hope I am strong enough and believe that I will be at last successful - basically to just have faith and hope.
Monday 5 September 2011
Unpredictable
It's funny how things can change and this past has week has definitely highlighted that clearly, in case I was in any doubt.
A very dear friend, who was a first-time surrogate like myself and who had previously been through failed, bad and simply incompatible matches too, found out she was pregnant. It was early days but there had been a viability scan that showed a heartbeat and a perfect baby in situ. Things with her IPs were anything but perfect but she showed a truly admirable attitude and maturity and kept her dignity despite very trying circumstances. She was simply focused on fulfilling her agreement with them and keeping safe, nurturing and then delivering their much longed for precious bundle.
But Mother Nature had other ideas....
She is miscarrying. My heart is broken for her, of course I feel sadness for her IPs too but for a surrogate and a traditional one at that, it's an extra tough thing to deal with. Aside from the physical consequences of actually going through a miscarriage, the woman also has to deal with the emotional side from a completely different angle than the IPs and especially in this case, where both my friend's IPs are actually male. You don't need me to point out how that changes the dimensions also.
And yet she is sadly dealing with all this without any support from the people who you would expect to be right by her side, the parents of the baby she was carrying. How any IPs could ever justify behaving in that manner, I simply don't know but they really should be ashamed of themselves. I've seen the proof of how they treated her as soon as she was pregnant and there can be no excuse.
My friend will of course be ok, with lots of support from family and friends and with time but she has said she will not continue with her surrogacy dream and it's not because of the miscarriage but rather the crappy treatment she has endured yet again, by yet another set of IPs. It has just shattered her desire to stay in surrogacy.
I'm still sad when I hear of experiences such as hers, not surprised that it's actually happened because it's happened to me, I know all about things turning sour and how you can go from hero to zero in a matter of days but just that so many IPs out there can behave in such cruel, callous, ruthless and downright disgusting ways. You think it's a rarity for it to happen but I know of so many surrogates who have been treated less than nicely unfortunately.
I know that not every IP is a bad apple and I also know that some IPs have been treated poorly by surrogates, neither of which is right. I know that somewhere out there, there are decent IPs, who will want my help and won't abuse my kindness or disrespect me and who will stand by my side throughout the journey, wherever it may take us and for however long and I remain hopeful that that couple do exist, we've just yet to find one another!
On that subject though, I'm tentatively coming out and saying that I have a meeting or 2 lined up. With 2 couples, both of who I will continue to be friends with regardless but hopefully, one of which may also turn out to be my next IPs. I'm taking things very slowly and am in no rush to match at this point but it's a feeling I've missed - the excitement of meeting up and of what might be, anticipation and hope basically.
So, keep your fingers crossed and I will be sure to update you, if there is anything to update that is! And of course, I ask that you please keep my friend in your thoughts, as she deals with the rocky end to a very rocky journey.
P.S - Mrs B, you can borrow my song of the moment, because you truly are a fighter. Chin up, my friend.
A very dear friend, who was a first-time surrogate like myself and who had previously been through failed, bad and simply incompatible matches too, found out she was pregnant. It was early days but there had been a viability scan that showed a heartbeat and a perfect baby in situ. Things with her IPs were anything but perfect but she showed a truly admirable attitude and maturity and kept her dignity despite very trying circumstances. She was simply focused on fulfilling her agreement with them and keeping safe, nurturing and then delivering their much longed for precious bundle.
But Mother Nature had other ideas....
She is miscarrying. My heart is broken for her, of course I feel sadness for her IPs too but for a surrogate and a traditional one at that, it's an extra tough thing to deal with. Aside from the physical consequences of actually going through a miscarriage, the woman also has to deal with the emotional side from a completely different angle than the IPs and especially in this case, where both my friend's IPs are actually male. You don't need me to point out how that changes the dimensions also.
And yet she is sadly dealing with all this without any support from the people who you would expect to be right by her side, the parents of the baby she was carrying. How any IPs could ever justify behaving in that manner, I simply don't know but they really should be ashamed of themselves. I've seen the proof of how they treated her as soon as she was pregnant and there can be no excuse.
My friend will of course be ok, with lots of support from family and friends and with time but she has said she will not continue with her surrogacy dream and it's not because of the miscarriage but rather the crappy treatment she has endured yet again, by yet another set of IPs. It has just shattered her desire to stay in surrogacy.
I'm still sad when I hear of experiences such as hers, not surprised that it's actually happened because it's happened to me, I know all about things turning sour and how you can go from hero to zero in a matter of days but just that so many IPs out there can behave in such cruel, callous, ruthless and downright disgusting ways. You think it's a rarity for it to happen but I know of so many surrogates who have been treated less than nicely unfortunately.
I know that not every IP is a bad apple and I also know that some IPs have been treated poorly by surrogates, neither of which is right. I know that somewhere out there, there are decent IPs, who will want my help and won't abuse my kindness or disrespect me and who will stand by my side throughout the journey, wherever it may take us and for however long and I remain hopeful that that couple do exist, we've just yet to find one another!
On that subject though, I'm tentatively coming out and saying that I have a meeting or 2 lined up. With 2 couples, both of who I will continue to be friends with regardless but hopefully, one of which may also turn out to be my next IPs. I'm taking things very slowly and am in no rush to match at this point but it's a feeling I've missed - the excitement of meeting up and of what might be, anticipation and hope basically.
So, keep your fingers crossed and I will be sure to update you, if there is anything to update that is! And of course, I ask that you please keep my friend in your thoughts, as she deals with the rocky end to a very rocky journey.
P.S - Mrs B, you can borrow my song of the moment, because you truly are a fighter. Chin up, my friend.
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