CD14 - Blimmey It's Early!

But we got our smiley on the digi! Very unexpected indeed, that's super early for me. I can only guess it's either just a fluke or actually, and more likely, it's a false surge which means the hormone surges but not enough to actually release the egg and my body will try again and ovulate around normal time in a few days. Only time will tell.

Anyway, as usual, a smiley face meant all systems go. It well and truly threw my IPs but they rose to the challenge and IF made it down this evening for an insem. They hope to be back either late tomorrow or Saturday. IM couldn't get out of work and so he went solo. We did fine though.

We were expecting the + on Saturday which would have been do'able all round. IPs are off and had planned for an expected trip to my neck of the woods.

I got a negative around 7:30pm last night, the positive around 11am today and by 8:30pm, it was negative again so we timed it right.

So, tomorrow we begin the 2ww unless we find otherwise. I will take another OPK tomorrow to be sure it's negative and unless I see any signs of ovulation again, I won't test any more and assume the egg has left the building.

Had a few days from hell. My poor daughter has broken her arm and we got a flat tyre yesterday. Today was bad too with my eye problem flaring up and then my mobile phone being stolen/lost. I'm surprised with stress levels this high that my body hasn't gone into shutdown!

I had the ovulation test photos as usual, on my phone though so with that gone, you'll just have to take my word that I got the smiley! :o)

And We're Off Again!

Just steaming along until our next insems, which should be in exactly a week.

Started pee'ing on sticks as usual and just waiting for the word. I'm taking a digi each afternoon, along with the IC, so we definitely don't miss that surge.

IPs have been dealing with funeral arrangements and that has meant they've not yet really processed last month's failed attempt. So much for them to deal with all at once.

I, on the other hand, have been quietly stewing on it and it took me a fair while to feel optimistic and to put the last cycle behind me. I had a dark few days if I'm honest and it really did hit me for six.

And, whilst I'm being honest, I felt worried that things had shifted between IPs and I and that even they were begining to wonder if they'd picked the right surrogate in me. I've spoken with IM though who hasn't indicated that that is the case and I hope that I can prove myself to them by getting that BFP and soon.

I'm begining to doubt my fertility. Am I too fat to conceive, am I even ovulating, are we doing insems the right way and am I even fertile any more? All questions (and there's more) that I've been asking myself.

Still, I can only deal with the here and now and for now, I'm determined to approach this cycle with positivity as always and just hope for the best. The odds surely must now be swaying in our favour? I hope so, 5 of 6 and the pressure is most definitely ON.

No Dice

Cycle 1: Length: 27 and LP: 11
Cycle 2: Length: 33 and LP: 10 (very ill, late ovulation)
Cycle 3: Length: 26 and LP: 10
Cycle 4: Length: 26 (annovulatory cycle)
Cycle 5: Length: 27 and LP: 11

She arrived around 11pm last night.

I'm just furious with my mind and my body. How cruel to play such convincing tricks on me. I'm pretty level-headed but this time I got sucked well and truly in, to believing I was actually pregnant.

Sorry this post is full of anger and upset today, I hardly slept for waking up and remembering that AF had indeed arrived and I should definitely just hole up and avoid everyone today until it's out of my system.

I can't imagine how my IPs are feeling, this was definitely a really trying cycle for us all.

I'm just glad I didn't tell IPs about what I know now was obviously an evap on a test. Again. What is it about me and evaps? 3 brands, 3 cycles, 3 evaps.

http://www.canyouseealine.com/view_home_pregnancy_test.cfm?testID=8353

I was always very cautious about this test but I'm only human and so I tried to be optimistic nonetheless.

Anyway, normal service will be resumed soon when I'm done with sulking and feeling sorry for myself.

Negative

At 12DPO and using a FRER.

Trying to step away from Google because in the absence of a + test, if's, but's and maybe's mean nothing.

We'll beat all ovulatory cycles in length, that we've had since ttc so far, if she doesn't arrive today.

Nothing else really to say at this stage.

Here We re at - 10DPO

And no AF. I have however had cycles with a LP of 11 days so there's still time yet, I'm not officially absolutely late until Saturday rolls around. Following usual stats, I'm expecting her tomorrow though.

IPs relative passed away this morning, although expected, it was still sudden I think and obviously a painful time for them. I would love to give them the news that they are to be parents, I don't think I've ever wished so hard on a cycle as I am on this one.

I still have some *saying it quietly so as not to jinx myself* possible pregnancy symptoms going on. Means nothing I know. I'll only allow myself to detail them if I do indeed turn out to be pregnant. Otherwise I'm keeping my psychosomatic symptoms to myself to avoid embarrassment!

Worryingly though, I've had some low down tummy rumblings on and off all day. I hope they are of the good kind. It's nearly time for bed here and so without the appearance of AF for today, our hopes are remaining high for now.

If you believe in that kind of thing, please say a little something for us? I'm not religious so I make a point to avoid asking for these things if possible but really, we need and if I may say so, deserve, the miracle this cycle.

Holding On

Currently 6 DPO and life is crazy here so it's flown by.

IPs relative is still holding on, she's a fighter for sure. And now it's my turn to experience hospital, my father-in-law collapsed yesterday and it's all unknown at this point. At least it's keeping all of us occupied during the tortuous 2ww.

I do have some possible pregnancy symptoms but we all know how that works. I just have to be patient and we'll know soon enough.

I've been holding the Lingam given to me by IPs, I carry it in my pocket during the day and hold it under my pillow at night.

Wouldn't it be lovely for IPs relative to hear the news that she's a Great Grandma, before she passes? I think so and so fingers are crossed that attempt 4 is a winner!

Guess What?

Guess what greeted me unexpectedly yesterday afternoon?

A smiley face on an OPK! Yes, another.

I was shocked, I only took it because, well, I did and so imagine my surprise when a :) popped up at me.

Weird as I had my + the day before as you saw, then it went to negative that evening which signalled what I thought was the end of ovulation. And yet the following afternoon, a + appeared.

Luckily we'd done the 2nd insem that morning so we had managed to do what I'd wanted, an insem the day BEFORE the surge - albeit accidently but still, pretty good timing I'd say.

When I removed the Instead Cup before bed last night, it was full of ewcm so I know those swimmers had some good medium to help them power North.

Now we're officially 1DPO and the nail-biting begins once again!

Only A Few

I've only had to take a few tests this cycle for once! And here they are.

Cycle 5, attempt 4.

Top one is from this morning so with yesterday evening and this morning's OPK's present. The bottom picture is from yesterday afternoon up to where I got the + digi.

You can see (I hope, rubbish camera on phone again) that they progressed nicely but where I got the + digi, the IC (internet cheapie) was blatantly a negative and then when the IC was positive, the digi was negative.

At least now I know which tests work for me and which don't.

Oh and 2nd insem done and dusted. 2ww, baby!

Internet OPK - 0, Clearblue Digi - 1

My OPK's have been slowly getting darker, the one this morning was dark but negative and then I tested again around 2pm and although the internet cheapie showed what was to be considered a negative, I had opened a digi absent-mindedly to be honest but thought no use in wasting it and took it. It was a BFSmiley!!

So the internet cheap test didn't pick up my surge. I knew they were well dodgy!

And then, I took another one just before IPs got here and the internet cheapie was even darker than this afternoon so pretty much positive and yet the digi now showed a negative.

Go figure.

Anyway, my IPs were coming down anyway, we'd actually only arranged that this morning, to do an insem as we were expecting the smiley either tomorrow or Sunday so it all worked out well in the end.

IM said she felt that today would be the day. Funny how it works out, I know we both often have a sense of things happening during our journey.

Poor IPs have had a helluva time lately with a poorly relative and then with IF having his beloved car vandalised. I think since last cycle, when it was a bust, we were all really geared up and focused on this cycle working out when we most needed it and timing couldn't have been better.

So, tonight's is done and they'll be back tomorrow to do another.

I'm feeling very confident this cycle - I've probably just jinxed us but even if it's not to be then at I'm going to enjoy this positive feeling whilst it lasts regardless.

I got a really lovely Buddhist Shiva Lingam from my IF - Google it if you don't know about them. So sweet and I really hope it brings up what both IPs and I desire the most.

2ww, here we come! I'm all jittery and excited, haven't felt this way in a while now.