Still pregnant and waiting impatiently. As are K & B, they had a very quiet Christmas awaiting any developments and K's already gone back to work, with B following on the 2nd if I'm still with child.
I saw my midwife this week who said Boo is 3/5 engaged, head down and everything is fine so it's just a matter of waiting until things kick off. She doesn't think he'll be as big as the hospital growth scan said (8lbs) but close to 7lbs she reckons. I told her that we scoff at weight guestimations but I don't feel as big with this baby as I did with my own 3 so perhaps she's not all that wrong.
I'm bored with waiting now, I'm still the world's most impatient person and this is not a good mixture, I'm very crabby and just want the birth part over with now. I'm also a big wuss and don't do very well with the unpredictable or the unknown - all of which are what labour and delivery are about.
I have an appointment with the hospital next week, on my EDD just to talk about how things are going and do the usual routine checks. My hospital doesn't induce until you're 12 days over so a long way to go yet if this baby doesn't get his eviction on any time soon. I was a bit irritated when I got a phone call from them yesterday, expecting me for my section. No-one had bothered to cancel the appointment once we knew he was head down some 3 weeks ago! I did wonder if it was ethical to offer a bribe to have it performed anyway, LOL, I was sorely tempted to give it a go.
Expecting my midwife to offer a stretch and sweep (strip membranes, to the non-UK readers), at 41 weeks, which is about as pleasant as it sounds but I'm sure by that point, if I'm still not unpregnified will sound very appealing. With my own I was 2 weeks early, 6 days late and then 10 days late so this could go either way I guess, it wouldn't be so bad if I went over because the kids might be back at school and that would be good for childcare on the plus side.
It's all just a bit of a drag right now. I'm so ready, K and B are very very ready so let's go, little man!
Friday 28 December 2012
Saturday 22 December 2012
Where I am
On K's blog, which can be found here btw: http://2guysjourneytofatherhood.blogspot.co.uk , he talks a fair bit about how I must be feeling and what it's like for me - especially at this point in the journey and I guess now is as good a time as any to address that because a few people have asked me the same.
For the most part, I'm feeling mentally OK. I do have my wobbles, hormone induced I'm sure but where I wonder if I can really do this but I'm 98% sure I've worked through all possibilities - I can't be 100% sure because this is my first time after all, and I'm fine with what's to come. I know I don't want another baby and I know I certainly wouldn't ever want their baby so as far as I'm concerned, that's the most important aspect very clear in my mind and the one that some surrogates can't say hand on heart is the case for them and where things go very wrong.
I know I will feel a bit lonely afterwards, my job will be done and I won't be needed by the guys. Surrogacy has been such a huge part of my life for so long that it's bound to be strange and require an adjustment period and I'm prepared for that. Obviously I know to expect the baby blues on some level and am not afraid of them because I'm ready for that.
I'm apprehensive what he'll look like, or rather who he'll look like. I expect to see some characteristics of my own children in him but just hope not to see their face looking back at me - it might freak me out and take my emotions down a different path but again, I'm pre-empting that so I'm sure that alone will help me deal with that if it happens.
Honestly, I feel....well, fine, if I had to sum it up. Ready to do this, ready to give this baby to his daddies and ready to get my life back to how it was pre-pregnancy. I'm not quite ready to be done with surrogacy or the feeling I get when I realise just what an amazing thing I'm involved in achieving. Which leads me onto another subject that people have asked a few times lately...Will I do this again?
As regular visitors to this blog will know, I've said that I would love to do a sibling project and perhaps one other journey so 3 surrogate babies in total but never had anything set in stone in my mind. That still stands I think, I would like to give K & B a sibling for Boo but a lot depends on so many factors that that may not happen - I don't think any of us really know at this stage, or are giving it much thought, we're a little pre-occupied with other things currently!
I have been talking to a few other potential IPs and one couple does jump out at me. We've spoken a lot over the past month or so and I do feel a pull towards them, they are so so deserving. But there's a lot of uncertainty at this point because I don't know how I will fare giving birth and post-birth but thankfully they are very mindful of that and there's no pressure. Also, with moving to Scotland hopefully, that could perhaps scupper plans for a new match. It really is just waiting and seeing how things go for now. I'm in the never-say-never phase currently.
I'm trying to enjoy the remainder of this journey, it's hard when I'm so pregnant and ready for it to be over (the pregnancy, not the journey btw!) but this has been the most amazing time in my life and I'm so fortunate to share it with K & B. I love those guys more than I can express adequately and I know some out there reading won't understand that but that's ok.
Are we ready for the grand finale, guys?!
For the most part, I'm feeling mentally OK. I do have my wobbles, hormone induced I'm sure but where I wonder if I can really do this but I'm 98% sure I've worked through all possibilities - I can't be 100% sure because this is my first time after all, and I'm fine with what's to come. I know I don't want another baby and I know I certainly wouldn't ever want their baby so as far as I'm concerned, that's the most important aspect very clear in my mind and the one that some surrogates can't say hand on heart is the case for them and where things go very wrong.
I know I will feel a bit lonely afterwards, my job will be done and I won't be needed by the guys. Surrogacy has been such a huge part of my life for so long that it's bound to be strange and require an adjustment period and I'm prepared for that. Obviously I know to expect the baby blues on some level and am not afraid of them because I'm ready for that.
I'm apprehensive what he'll look like, or rather who he'll look like. I expect to see some characteristics of my own children in him but just hope not to see their face looking back at me - it might freak me out and take my emotions down a different path but again, I'm pre-empting that so I'm sure that alone will help me deal with that if it happens.
Honestly, I feel....well, fine, if I had to sum it up. Ready to do this, ready to give this baby to his daddies and ready to get my life back to how it was pre-pregnancy. I'm not quite ready to be done with surrogacy or the feeling I get when I realise just what an amazing thing I'm involved in achieving. Which leads me onto another subject that people have asked a few times lately...Will I do this again?
As regular visitors to this blog will know, I've said that I would love to do a sibling project and perhaps one other journey so 3 surrogate babies in total but never had anything set in stone in my mind. That still stands I think, I would like to give K & B a sibling for Boo but a lot depends on so many factors that that may not happen - I don't think any of us really know at this stage, or are giving it much thought, we're a little pre-occupied with other things currently!
I have been talking to a few other potential IPs and one couple does jump out at me. We've spoken a lot over the past month or so and I do feel a pull towards them, they are so so deserving. But there's a lot of uncertainty at this point because I don't know how I will fare giving birth and post-birth but thankfully they are very mindful of that and there's no pressure. Also, with moving to Scotland hopefully, that could perhaps scupper plans for a new match. It really is just waiting and seeing how things go for now. I'm in the never-say-never phase currently.
I'm trying to enjoy the remainder of this journey, it's hard when I'm so pregnant and ready for it to be over (the pregnancy, not the journey btw!) but this has been the most amazing time in my life and I'm so fortunate to share it with K & B. I love those guys more than I can express adequately and I know some out there reading won't understand that but that's ok.
Are we ready for the grand finale, guys?!
Oh Boy, Where To Start!
I literally don't know where to start with catching up on what's been going on. most importantly I will say, Boo is fine - he's about the only thing that has been OK! No drama or anything to update on that score. He's still safely (and comfortably it seems!) in his uterus cocoon.
No, all the drama began when my daughter had her tonsils removed on Monday, we only got the date the Saturday and didn't make the final decision until Sunday night. We were unsure if we should do it this close to Christmas and baby delivery day but figured we may as well get it over and done with.
Monday came and I ended up suffering a horrendous migraine and couldn't be with her for the op but my husband was so she was happy, even when I wasn't at being unable to be there for a few hours. I think it was just the stress and lack of sleep from the weeks before because I've not had a migraine for some 20 odd years now and so it scared the hell out of me because it was so unexpected and the vision/headache thing made me panic about pre-eclampsia. A phone call to my sister to take care of the other 2 small people, one of the midwife for reassurance and a quick visit to the doctor for a bp check and I was given the all-clear on the pre-e score as my bp was fine thankfully. It was just a question of having an hours rest and then heading to the hospital to be with my daughter and getting on with the thumping head pain that plauged me for the remainder of the day.
Her op went well and she recovered perfectly and we were able to leave the hospital within the expected 6 hours post-op and headed home. We knew we'd be in for a rough ride recovery-wise with her but it ended up being worse than that...
That night she was running a temp, I only have BBT thermometers (ha!) and so couldn't check it but I could tell by touch, I'd read a low grade temp post-op was normal and so although we had an awful night pain wise too with her, I just assumed it was all part of the expected course but it made for another awful nights sleep for us all yet again.
Next day she was worse, she couldn't stay awake, wasn't making sense, wouldn't take her pain meds or any food or drink and was burning hot. All day I felt uneasy watching her and managed to get a GP appt for that evening, we never actually made it as far as a consultation because our surgery consistently runs late and this was no different - so fed up of waiting and waiting, whilst my poor girl struggled to stay almost conscious in the waiting room, I asked for my husband to contact the ward where she'd had her op and they told us to bring her straight to A&E and so I walked out, disgusted (which I voiced to the receptionist who could see how sick my child was and did nothing to speed us through the wait) and we went to the hospital.
It turns out that infection had set in already and she had to be admitted for IV painkillers, antibiotics and re hydration. My wonderful husband stayed again because I couldn't risk going into labour and having to leave her there alone so it made me sense but I cried the entire ride home, yet again I couldn't be with her when I should of been and my mummy guilt went into overdrive. It was gone 1am before I fell into bed and obviously I didn't sleep much for worrying so yet more broken sleep.
The following day and she turned a corner and was much better but we still had a fight to get her to eat and drink and take oral meds or risk being kept in again. Lots of pleading and bribery, tears from both her and I, and threats of her not being home for Christmas - oh and a change of meds to one that was the 'right' colour and we were discharged late that evening. I'm happy to report that she is continuing to do better, still has lots of pain and isn't anywhere near back to normal but 5 days post-op and we're managing to keep her somewhat comfortable for the most part. Apart from a couple of nights ago, when we had a fight with her at 1am about the meds again, we've also managed to catch up on some lost sleep.
I've spent all this time hoping that I didn't go into labour because I couldn't fathom how I could juggle everything and how physically and mentally I could labour and deliver, without complete breakdown. I'm still hoping the little man stays put for a few more days so I can continue to rest up and prepare but who knows. I've still not so much as packed my hospital bag!
With everything that's gone on, I've also come down with a bad sore throat which has knocked me sideways. Nothing compared to my poor girl's sore throat but very painful nonetheless and it's not helping me feel very festive. Talking of which, because we unexpectedly had a small one home all last week, the final bits of Christmas present shopping and all the wrapping has still to be done. I'm so unprepared and not at all in the mood for the big day, that's making me feel like shit, I like to be organised and prepared in advance and I usually love Christmas but not this year. Tomorrow also marks another anniversary of the death of my father and with my mum and gran not here in Bristol this year either, well frankly I just want to curl up until 2013 arrives. Oh and before events of the past week, my husband decided to invite my inlaws to Christmas dinner....Yeah, 'nuff said.
That's what's been happening here, I feel like I've been on a very fast and twisty roller coaster. I'm so ready to get this baby out and where he belongs, I need to get some normality back into all our lives but there's still so much uncertainty to go. I thought having a Christmas baby would be so lovely and I'm sure minus all the other crap that's gone on, it would be but now I'm realising it's actually not so ideal! Ah well, bit too late to do anything about that now - let's just hope he doesn't make us wait past our due date or else 2013 will begin with as much uncertainty as 2012 ended with!
No, all the drama began when my daughter had her tonsils removed on Monday, we only got the date the Saturday and didn't make the final decision until Sunday night. We were unsure if we should do it this close to Christmas and baby delivery day but figured we may as well get it over and done with.
Monday came and I ended up suffering a horrendous migraine and couldn't be with her for the op but my husband was so she was happy, even when I wasn't at being unable to be there for a few hours. I think it was just the stress and lack of sleep from the weeks before because I've not had a migraine for some 20 odd years now and so it scared the hell out of me because it was so unexpected and the vision/headache thing made me panic about pre-eclampsia. A phone call to my sister to take care of the other 2 small people, one of the midwife for reassurance and a quick visit to the doctor for a bp check and I was given the all-clear on the pre-e score as my bp was fine thankfully. It was just a question of having an hours rest and then heading to the hospital to be with my daughter and getting on with the thumping head pain that plauged me for the remainder of the day.
Her op went well and she recovered perfectly and we were able to leave the hospital within the expected 6 hours post-op and headed home. We knew we'd be in for a rough ride recovery-wise with her but it ended up being worse than that...
That night she was running a temp, I only have BBT thermometers (ha!) and so couldn't check it but I could tell by touch, I'd read a low grade temp post-op was normal and so although we had an awful night pain wise too with her, I just assumed it was all part of the expected course but it made for another awful nights sleep for us all yet again.
Next day she was worse, she couldn't stay awake, wasn't making sense, wouldn't take her pain meds or any food or drink and was burning hot. All day I felt uneasy watching her and managed to get a GP appt for that evening, we never actually made it as far as a consultation because our surgery consistently runs late and this was no different - so fed up of waiting and waiting, whilst my poor girl struggled to stay almost conscious in the waiting room, I asked for my husband to contact the ward where she'd had her op and they told us to bring her straight to A&E and so I walked out, disgusted (which I voiced to the receptionist who could see how sick my child was and did nothing to speed us through the wait) and we went to the hospital.
It turns out that infection had set in already and she had to be admitted for IV painkillers, antibiotics and re hydration. My wonderful husband stayed again because I couldn't risk going into labour and having to leave her there alone so it made me sense but I cried the entire ride home, yet again I couldn't be with her when I should of been and my mummy guilt went into overdrive. It was gone 1am before I fell into bed and obviously I didn't sleep much for worrying so yet more broken sleep.
The following day and she turned a corner and was much better but we still had a fight to get her to eat and drink and take oral meds or risk being kept in again. Lots of pleading and bribery, tears from both her and I, and threats of her not being home for Christmas - oh and a change of meds to one that was the 'right' colour and we were discharged late that evening. I'm happy to report that she is continuing to do better, still has lots of pain and isn't anywhere near back to normal but 5 days post-op and we're managing to keep her somewhat comfortable for the most part. Apart from a couple of nights ago, when we had a fight with her at 1am about the meds again, we've also managed to catch up on some lost sleep.
I've spent all this time hoping that I didn't go into labour because I couldn't fathom how I could juggle everything and how physically and mentally I could labour and deliver, without complete breakdown. I'm still hoping the little man stays put for a few more days so I can continue to rest up and prepare but who knows. I've still not so much as packed my hospital bag!
With everything that's gone on, I've also come down with a bad sore throat which has knocked me sideways. Nothing compared to my poor girl's sore throat but very painful nonetheless and it's not helping me feel very festive. Talking of which, because we unexpectedly had a small one home all last week, the final bits of Christmas present shopping and all the wrapping has still to be done. I'm so unprepared and not at all in the mood for the big day, that's making me feel like shit, I like to be organised and prepared in advance and I usually love Christmas but not this year. Tomorrow also marks another anniversary of the death of my father and with my mum and gran not here in Bristol this year either, well frankly I just want to curl up until 2013 arrives. Oh and before events of the past week, my husband decided to invite my inlaws to Christmas dinner....Yeah, 'nuff said.
That's what's been happening here, I feel like I've been on a very fast and twisty roller coaster. I'm so ready to get this baby out and where he belongs, I need to get some normality back into all our lives but there's still so much uncertainty to go. I thought having a Christmas baby would be so lovely and I'm sure minus all the other crap that's gone on, it would be but now I'm realising it's actually not so ideal! Ah well, bit too late to do anything about that now - let's just hope he doesn't make us wait past our due date or else 2013 will begin with as much uncertainty as 2012 ended with!
Thursday 13 December 2012
And Now Relax....
I had a routine community midwife appt today, it was booked last week and my midwife likes to keep in touch, especially given our situation so I didn't cancel despite knowing she would be repeating what I had done yesterday.
Great news - BP today is perfectly fine, urine is clear today and the lab result was clear from yesterday, measuring fine, baby is still head-down she said, heartbeat fine and iron is low but I'm to stick with the liquid iron as it's not dropping as rapidly as before. The bloods from clinic yesterday were back and some flagged as abnormal but she said, in her opinon, they were still OK but given that the senior doctor we saw wrote on my notes that he wanted to review me in a week - dependent on the results, she said I should call the hospital and see what they make of the results.
Nothing else to report, I was glad to hear about the BP especially because that was concerning me. I think I was just dealing with the painful night I'd had, hadn't eaten, had rushed to my appt, was dreading fighting with the doctor about the section and also my oldest had to be collected from school due to illness - no wonder my BP was raised!
Talking of sickness, my poor middle child was home from school today. I am hoping to avoid their bugs because the last thing I want it to feel anything less than 100% for the big event but I'm realistic that it is winter after all. Hoping to get the tree up before the end of the weekend, give the house a complete clean and finish up buying presents and wrapping everything - that way at least if anything does happen, I'm not fretting about any of that stuff. Oh and I suppose I'd best pack my hospital bag - nothing like leaving it until the last minute!
Great news - BP today is perfectly fine, urine is clear today and the lab result was clear from yesterday, measuring fine, baby is still head-down she said, heartbeat fine and iron is low but I'm to stick with the liquid iron as it's not dropping as rapidly as before. The bloods from clinic yesterday were back and some flagged as abnormal but she said, in her opinon, they were still OK but given that the senior doctor we saw wrote on my notes that he wanted to review me in a week - dependent on the results, she said I should call the hospital and see what they make of the results.
Nothing else to report, I was glad to hear about the BP especially because that was concerning me. I think I was just dealing with the painful night I'd had, hadn't eaten, had rushed to my appt, was dreading fighting with the doctor about the section and also my oldest had to be collected from school due to illness - no wonder my BP was raised!
Talking of sickness, my poor middle child was home from school today. I am hoping to avoid their bugs because the last thing I want it to feel anything less than 100% for the big event but I'm realistic that it is winter after all. Hoping to get the tree up before the end of the weekend, give the house a complete clean and finish up buying presents and wrapping everything - that way at least if anything does happen, I'm not fretting about any of that stuff. Oh and I suppose I'd best pack my hospital bag - nothing like leaving it until the last minute!
Appointment Amazement!
I had my follow-up hospital antenatal appointment yesterday and went solo as it was routine and K & B are cramming in last minute work hours before Boo's arrival.
I'd had a bad night the night before, I had intense and very painful backache, felt generally not right and had awful nausea and sweating. I thought honestly I was in labour. I went to bed, with the thought that if it was the real deal, we'd soon know one way or another and although I slept terribly, I woke up feeling much better. It really messed with my mind though, I realised just how apprehensive I am about the labour and birth and how unprepared I am - mentally and literally!
So, I was not in the best condition for the appointment but I'm glad I still went, even though I just wanted to crawl back in bed.
Bad stuff from the appointment is that my BP has begun to creep up, much like it did with my youngest child - gradually but steadily. I already knew this I think because of the terrible headaches I've been getting lately. The dr (who was the lovely doctor we had seen before, who we wanted to see this time) ordered some bloods to be taken to see what my liver is up to, basically to confirm or rule out the start of pre-eclampsia or confirm if it's just PIH (pregnancy induced hypertension) - which is what I had with my youngest. My urine was clear of protein at least so that's a good sign that it is just the latter again.
My sample however did have +3 of leukocytes (white blood cells) and +2 of ketones. Ketones I have every pregnancy and is just when I don't eat enough, which was the case yesterday morning because I felt rough from the night before so that is nothing to worry about. The WBC indicate an infection somewhere, probably a UTI and that could well explain the high BP and feeling so awful the night before. The doctor ordered it to be sent off to the lab to be tested and I'll find out the results (along with the blood results) this afternoon.
Oh and I forgot to mention that last week, my GP called and my iron levels have fallen even further despite me taking a double liquid iron supplement. I knew they had, I've been feeling pretty crappy and as someone with chronic anameia, I know the signs well. I will be talking to my midwife about what can be done at this late stage, I don't want to switch to iron tablets though.
Back to the appointment and all that was left to do at the appointment was to talk through the birth plans, the scheduled section...He basically confirmed that they couldn't justify a section if Boo had turned and that it was still better and safer for me to aim for a vaginal delivery and so he advised the ECV (version) but I told him that no, we were sure we didn't want to go down that avenue and he was fine with it.
There was a student with the doctor and he asked her examine me to check position etc and she couldn't find the head in my pelvic area and so worked up and felt the head under my ribs, confirmed by the doctor. They had a little discussion and he said 'well, let's save all this guesswork and go check!' and off we went for a quick impromtu ultrasound.
None of us could believe it when we saw what we thought was the head, was actually a bottom, on the screen! Boo had fooled us and was actually now head down, perfect position! Ha, just goes to show, as the doctor himself said, you can't even trust a doctor to get it right. LOL.
I had no idea he had turned, much like when my 3rd child did the same and I'm so stuffed full of baby that you would think I would feel a huge shift like that but nope.
So, we're back on for a natural birth which I'm thankful for of course. It'll be nice to be up and running again quicker after the birth, than if I had a section and I don't have to worry about added complications that come with surgery and I'm really happy that I don't have to think about being cut open whilst awake! However, I'm apprehensive about natural labour, despite having done it 3 times before but in fairness, I had a mixed bag of labour and deliveries with them and it's the unexpected again this time around but I'm trying to go into the final few weeks with a positive and open mind and not be scared of labour because that does not help. At least now, I can also get my hospital bag sorted accordingly, can now order my TENS machine for early labour and I can write an appropriate birth plan for the situation so all's good in the end. Now just to hope the small one stays that way round...I kid but honestly, no-one thought he would flip this late so you just never know. I will be asking the midwife when I'm admitted to double (or even triple) check his position as early on as possible though!
With that, we're now ready for launch and Boo is free to make an appearance whenever he is ready - 37w+1d and the countdown has begun! I had a big week this week so I'm glad nothing has happened yet, it would of been sod's law - next week would be perfect as it's the kids last week at school and I would be done, delivered and dusted by the time they are home full-time and in time for Christmas. So little man, are you listening? Get your move ON please. :o) Although knowing you, you've still probably got a few more surprises left for us...Christmas Day perhaps? LOL.
I'd had a bad night the night before, I had intense and very painful backache, felt generally not right and had awful nausea and sweating. I thought honestly I was in labour. I went to bed, with the thought that if it was the real deal, we'd soon know one way or another and although I slept terribly, I woke up feeling much better. It really messed with my mind though, I realised just how apprehensive I am about the labour and birth and how unprepared I am - mentally and literally!
So, I was not in the best condition for the appointment but I'm glad I still went, even though I just wanted to crawl back in bed.
Bad stuff from the appointment is that my BP has begun to creep up, much like it did with my youngest child - gradually but steadily. I already knew this I think because of the terrible headaches I've been getting lately. The dr (who was the lovely doctor we had seen before, who we wanted to see this time) ordered some bloods to be taken to see what my liver is up to, basically to confirm or rule out the start of pre-eclampsia or confirm if it's just PIH (pregnancy induced hypertension) - which is what I had with my youngest. My urine was clear of protein at least so that's a good sign that it is just the latter again.
My sample however did have +3 of leukocytes (white blood cells) and +2 of ketones. Ketones I have every pregnancy and is just when I don't eat enough, which was the case yesterday morning because I felt rough from the night before so that is nothing to worry about. The WBC indicate an infection somewhere, probably a UTI and that could well explain the high BP and feeling so awful the night before. The doctor ordered it to be sent off to the lab to be tested and I'll find out the results (along with the blood results) this afternoon.
Oh and I forgot to mention that last week, my GP called and my iron levels have fallen even further despite me taking a double liquid iron supplement. I knew they had, I've been feeling pretty crappy and as someone with chronic anameia, I know the signs well. I will be talking to my midwife about what can be done at this late stage, I don't want to switch to iron tablets though.
Back to the appointment and all that was left to do at the appointment was to talk through the birth plans, the scheduled section...He basically confirmed that they couldn't justify a section if Boo had turned and that it was still better and safer for me to aim for a vaginal delivery and so he advised the ECV (version) but I told him that no, we were sure we didn't want to go down that avenue and he was fine with it.
There was a student with the doctor and he asked her examine me to check position etc and she couldn't find the head in my pelvic area and so worked up and felt the head under my ribs, confirmed by the doctor. They had a little discussion and he said 'well, let's save all this guesswork and go check!' and off we went for a quick impromtu ultrasound.
None of us could believe it when we saw what we thought was the head, was actually a bottom, on the screen! Boo had fooled us and was actually now head down, perfect position! Ha, just goes to show, as the doctor himself said, you can't even trust a doctor to get it right. LOL.
I had no idea he had turned, much like when my 3rd child did the same and I'm so stuffed full of baby that you would think I would feel a huge shift like that but nope.
So, we're back on for a natural birth which I'm thankful for of course. It'll be nice to be up and running again quicker after the birth, than if I had a section and I don't have to worry about added complications that come with surgery and I'm really happy that I don't have to think about being cut open whilst awake! However, I'm apprehensive about natural labour, despite having done it 3 times before but in fairness, I had a mixed bag of labour and deliveries with them and it's the unexpected again this time around but I'm trying to go into the final few weeks with a positive and open mind and not be scared of labour because that does not help. At least now, I can also get my hospital bag sorted accordingly, can now order my TENS machine for early labour and I can write an appropriate birth plan for the situation so all's good in the end. Now just to hope the small one stays that way round...I kid but honestly, no-one thought he would flip this late so you just never know. I will be asking the midwife when I'm admitted to double (or even triple) check his position as early on as possible though!
With that, we're now ready for launch and Boo is free to make an appearance whenever he is ready - 37w+1d and the countdown has begun! I had a big week this week so I'm glad nothing has happened yet, it would of been sod's law - next week would be perfect as it's the kids last week at school and I would be done, delivered and dusted by the time they are home full-time and in time for Christmas. So little man, are you listening? Get your move ON please. :o) Although knowing you, you've still probably got a few more surprises left for us...Christmas Day perhaps? LOL.
Thursday 6 December 2012
We Have A Date!
K has left to return home to Kent, following a crazy busy week so far of baby related dates and I think it's safe to say our heads are in a spin - with a mixture of excitement and anxiety.
My scan yesterday confirmed that baby is still breech. He's happy and healthy though, no other concerns and right on target weight still so that's excellent. We followed that by seeing the doctor at the antenatal clinic and things went a bit downhill.
We had hoped to see the same senior doctor we had seen 4 weeks ago, who was very approachable and with whom we all seemed to have a good rapport with but we ended up with, as happens all too often at these clinics, his junior. Sadly this particular doctor obviously missed the lectures at Uni on good beside manners!
Of course we were offered an ECV (version, to turn the baby) but since Boo's been breech consistently, we had already had that discussion between the 3 of us and decided it wasn't for us and so knew that we wanted to go straight to scheduling a c-section. Except Dr No Manners wasn't going to let it go that easily, no, he wanted to patronise us by telling us that Google can make anything seem good or bad and that just because we'd probably read on there that a version was often unsuccessful, didn't make it true. Duh, really? So, strike number 1 against him for assuming that we were that naive and not able to interpret interwebz data neutrally. He then went into what felt like a 15 minute lecture about how he has done lots personally and never had a woman need an emergency section/95% of women find it uncomfortable but not painful/how they are professionals and do this all the time and how it has between a 30-80% chance of being successful. Well, that's great, I'm pleased that he's competent and pro-version but for us, in our very unique situation, it wasn't something we wanted to do however.
We were very open and honest that a section would also be a good option for us, in terms of me being able to sort out childcare, my husband booking time off work, K & B being able to book appropriate accommodation over what will be a very expensive time of year and them ensuring they are here in time. Yes, there is an element of a section being convenient for us all and I'm not ashamed to say that.
The doctor took that particular element and ran with it, in my opinion and disregarded any other reasons we gave for preferring a section which irked both K and I. Also, he irritated K because he kept referring to it as my baby, which legally it is blah blah blah but some sensitivity given the fact he knew our situation, wouldn't of gone amiss. And then when he started talking at us, it was like adding fuel to K's fire.
There is also still the issue that if we rock up for our section on the planned date, if baby has turned then they will send us all away to await natural labour and delivery. Now, if we all lived just down the road, it was just me and the father involved and it wasn't the festive period then that wouldn't be so much of an issue but that's not the case. We asked the doctor if there was any flexibility with that 'rule' and he blew it out of the water and said without clinical need, they wouldn't perform one. Now, that didn't sit right with me for 2 reasons - number 1, due to a change in guidelines, any mother can request a section and have it considered, there does not need to be a medical need any longer and number 2 - they allow elective sections, where the reason for that being granted, doesn't materialise so how is that then clinically justified? Exactly, it can't be can it? There is flexibility and doctor discretion but he just wasn't going to agree. K and I were really unhappy by this point to be honest and the meeting had pretty much gone stale by then.
Dr Rude told us that he had an information leaflet on how this particular hospital does versions and the success rates etc and that we should take it way with us, read up more, talk amongst ourselves and then come back in a week to discuss it further. We pointed out that if we were to come back in a week, just to confirm what we were already telling him, it would more than likely be just myself because of the logistics of K & B getting back down here - which would be annoying and unfortunate because actually this was a discussion that both of them should be involved in, especially since it involved making a critical decision about the delivery of their child.
The dr made the appropriate smug noises to signal he took that on board but then went off on a tangent again about how that's the nature of having a baby, it's unpredictable etc. Which was fine if it was a comment made off the cuff, rather than him talking at us like we were stupid once again.
I told the doctor that I would take the leaflet, we would go away and discuss options again but that I really wanted to get a section booked in so that I was in the queue and not losing any time, should we decide to continue with that option. He went off to get the leaflet and book the section - 27th December is baby-eviction date!
And that was the end of that appointment. I'm due to go back next Tuesday to discuss it further but with the more senior consultant, who we got on well with. Our minds are almost certainly made up though. If you want to look up ECV on Youtube, you'll see why straight away but that coupled with the leaflet the doctor gave us, where the odds and statistics are pretty shocking, then you'll understand why we're going for the section instead I think.
Both K and I have already begun researching NICE information (clinical guidelines that are issued for health care matters in the UK) and feel we have a pretty strong case to present next week regarding getting a section guaranteed in the event that Boo has turned.
We rounded off a long day with a tour of the hospital in the evening, even though I knew all about the place and how things work, it was lovely to go along with K and experience that milestone with him regardless and now it won't be so alien to him on the big day. I did tell K afterwards though that the Portland (super posh hospital in London, where celebs have their babies) definitely was a much nicer option! Actually though, you go to the hospital to have your baby and come home, not to get 5 star luxury treatment so it's all good.
Early this morning, before K headed home, we went to an antenatal class with a community midwife. Again, I don't think there was much that I didn't already know and definitely not that much more that K learnt from it but it was great to be able to go along together and experience that part of pregnancy. After all, these are all exciting points in a 'normal' pregnancy and I don't want them to miss a single thing. We were both laughing about B not being able to make the class - he doesn't do well with bodily talk and there was talk about snapping your bum muscles like an elastic band, stitching up of lady parts and of waters breaking and running down legs! LOL. I'm not sure he'll be all that sad he missed it when K gives him a briefing later on.
On a side note, when we walked into class, we spoke with the midwife running it who I know very well and she asked about the scan outcome. We voiced our concerns about the section being off the cards if he's turned. Straight away she said that he wouldn't turn now, if he'd been consistently breech and this is a very experienced midwife who tells things like they are so I trust her judgement. Of course, babies being babies, they don't always conform to expectations but I'm going to try not to worry he will flip and if he does, well, we'll deal with that at that time.
So, that's where things are currently. Either way, we're well on the way to meeting this little monkey in the very immediate future. If all stays the same, 3 weeks from today and my journey will be over and K & B's will be really starting! I can't believe it, we're almost there, we've almost done this and completed the miracle - go team KHB!!
My scan yesterday confirmed that baby is still breech. He's happy and healthy though, no other concerns and right on target weight still so that's excellent. We followed that by seeing the doctor at the antenatal clinic and things went a bit downhill.
We had hoped to see the same senior doctor we had seen 4 weeks ago, who was very approachable and with whom we all seemed to have a good rapport with but we ended up with, as happens all too often at these clinics, his junior. Sadly this particular doctor obviously missed the lectures at Uni on good beside manners!
Of course we were offered an ECV (version, to turn the baby) but since Boo's been breech consistently, we had already had that discussion between the 3 of us and decided it wasn't for us and so knew that we wanted to go straight to scheduling a c-section. Except Dr No Manners wasn't going to let it go that easily, no, he wanted to patronise us by telling us that Google can make anything seem good or bad and that just because we'd probably read on there that a version was often unsuccessful, didn't make it true. Duh, really? So, strike number 1 against him for assuming that we were that naive and not able to interpret interwebz data neutrally. He then went into what felt like a 15 minute lecture about how he has done lots personally and never had a woman need an emergency section/95% of women find it uncomfortable but not painful/how they are professionals and do this all the time and how it has between a 30-80% chance of being successful. Well, that's great, I'm pleased that he's competent and pro-version but for us, in our very unique situation, it wasn't something we wanted to do however.
We were very open and honest that a section would also be a good option for us, in terms of me being able to sort out childcare, my husband booking time off work, K & B being able to book appropriate accommodation over what will be a very expensive time of year and them ensuring they are here in time. Yes, there is an element of a section being convenient for us all and I'm not ashamed to say that.
The doctor took that particular element and ran with it, in my opinion and disregarded any other reasons we gave for preferring a section which irked both K and I. Also, he irritated K because he kept referring to it as my baby, which legally it is blah blah blah but some sensitivity given the fact he knew our situation, wouldn't of gone amiss. And then when he started talking at us, it was like adding fuel to K's fire.
There is also still the issue that if we rock up for our section on the planned date, if baby has turned then they will send us all away to await natural labour and delivery. Now, if we all lived just down the road, it was just me and the father involved and it wasn't the festive period then that wouldn't be so much of an issue but that's not the case. We asked the doctor if there was any flexibility with that 'rule' and he blew it out of the water and said without clinical need, they wouldn't perform one. Now, that didn't sit right with me for 2 reasons - number 1, due to a change in guidelines, any mother can request a section and have it considered, there does not need to be a medical need any longer and number 2 - they allow elective sections, where the reason for that being granted, doesn't materialise so how is that then clinically justified? Exactly, it can't be can it? There is flexibility and doctor discretion but he just wasn't going to agree. K and I were really unhappy by this point to be honest and the meeting had pretty much gone stale by then.
Dr Rude told us that he had an information leaflet on how this particular hospital does versions and the success rates etc and that we should take it way with us, read up more, talk amongst ourselves and then come back in a week to discuss it further. We pointed out that if we were to come back in a week, just to confirm what we were already telling him, it would more than likely be just myself because of the logistics of K & B getting back down here - which would be annoying and unfortunate because actually this was a discussion that both of them should be involved in, especially since it involved making a critical decision about the delivery of their child.
The dr made the appropriate smug noises to signal he took that on board but then went off on a tangent again about how that's the nature of having a baby, it's unpredictable etc. Which was fine if it was a comment made off the cuff, rather than him talking at us like we were stupid once again.
I told the doctor that I would take the leaflet, we would go away and discuss options again but that I really wanted to get a section booked in so that I was in the queue and not losing any time, should we decide to continue with that option. He went off to get the leaflet and book the section - 27th December is baby-eviction date!
And that was the end of that appointment. I'm due to go back next Tuesday to discuss it further but with the more senior consultant, who we got on well with. Our minds are almost certainly made up though. If you want to look up ECV on Youtube, you'll see why straight away but that coupled with the leaflet the doctor gave us, where the odds and statistics are pretty shocking, then you'll understand why we're going for the section instead I think.
Both K and I have already begun researching NICE information (clinical guidelines that are issued for health care matters in the UK) and feel we have a pretty strong case to present next week regarding getting a section guaranteed in the event that Boo has turned.
We rounded off a long day with a tour of the hospital in the evening, even though I knew all about the place and how things work, it was lovely to go along with K and experience that milestone with him regardless and now it won't be so alien to him on the big day. I did tell K afterwards though that the Portland (super posh hospital in London, where celebs have their babies) definitely was a much nicer option! Actually though, you go to the hospital to have your baby and come home, not to get 5 star luxury treatment so it's all good.
Early this morning, before K headed home, we went to an antenatal class with a community midwife. Again, I don't think there was much that I didn't already know and definitely not that much more that K learnt from it but it was great to be able to go along together and experience that part of pregnancy. After all, these are all exciting points in a 'normal' pregnancy and I don't want them to miss a single thing. We were both laughing about B not being able to make the class - he doesn't do well with bodily talk and there was talk about snapping your bum muscles like an elastic band, stitching up of lady parts and of waters breaking and running down legs! LOL. I'm not sure he'll be all that sad he missed it when K gives him a briefing later on.
On a side note, when we walked into class, we spoke with the midwife running it who I know very well and she asked about the scan outcome. We voiced our concerns about the section being off the cards if he's turned. Straight away she said that he wouldn't turn now, if he'd been consistently breech and this is a very experienced midwife who tells things like they are so I trust her judgement. Of course, babies being babies, they don't always conform to expectations but I'm going to try not to worry he will flip and if he does, well, we'll deal with that at that time.
So, that's where things are currently. Either way, we're well on the way to meeting this little monkey in the very immediate future. If all stays the same, 3 weeks from today and my journey will be over and K & B's will be really starting! I can't believe it, we're almost there, we've almost done this and completed the miracle - go team KHB!!
Monday 3 December 2012
Success!
It went really well today, at the meeting and we all came away relieved and much more reassured that hopefully the final stages of our journey together, will be just as we want.
We met with the head of midwifery and the hospital matron, both were warm and welcoming and took the lead in terms of talking about how things work in their eyes but it didn't feel like they were lecturing us or anything, it was informal and there was a flow of information from all sides.
Basically, they said that although they have dealt with surrogacy before, they haven't dealt with a male couple before. It was added that that would have no effect on how we were all treated and that everyone would be welcomed and on an equal footing - the same as any normal couple having a baby.
Almost straight away we were told that at least one of the guys would be allowed to stay overnight with me, if an overnight or longer stay was necessary - as long as there was a free amenity room and that they would make every effort to see that we got one. Both B and I immediately saw a smile cross K's face and he visibly relaxed at that point, we could all tell that actually this meeting wasn't going to be a battle like we'd all feared.
We were told that they were fine with either K or B assuming care of their son and staying as much as they wanted, even if we aren't fortunate enough to get a private room. Just that without a private room, the guys would have to leave overnight and come back first thing - that's just how it has to be on a ladies only ward.
They said that the rule they have at the hospital, of the father having open visiting hours, would also be extended to the other father in our case as an exception, for our unique situation.
The rest of the meeting was spent discussing various specifics - such as if I have an emergency c-section and who will be the birthing partner etc.
It was a relatively swift meeting but that wasn't because we felt rushed, rather that we all were in agreement and there was nothing further to discuss!
So, we're all very pleased with the outcome and how we're being treated by the hospital. It's lifted some weight from our shoulders and we can focus on the next obstacle that may present itself - baby still being breech on Wednesday but if we learnt something from today, it's that we shouldn't worry ourselves without cause because things can change quickly and favourably and it's all then just been wasted energy.
We are the very happy 3 Amigos tonight!
We met with the head of midwifery and the hospital matron, both were warm and welcoming and took the lead in terms of talking about how things work in their eyes but it didn't feel like they were lecturing us or anything, it was informal and there was a flow of information from all sides.
Basically, they said that although they have dealt with surrogacy before, they haven't dealt with a male couple before. It was added that that would have no effect on how we were all treated and that everyone would be welcomed and on an equal footing - the same as any normal couple having a baby.
Almost straight away we were told that at least one of the guys would be allowed to stay overnight with me, if an overnight or longer stay was necessary - as long as there was a free amenity room and that they would make every effort to see that we got one. Both B and I immediately saw a smile cross K's face and he visibly relaxed at that point, we could all tell that actually this meeting wasn't going to be a battle like we'd all feared.
We were told that they were fine with either K or B assuming care of their son and staying as much as they wanted, even if we aren't fortunate enough to get a private room. Just that without a private room, the guys would have to leave overnight and come back first thing - that's just how it has to be on a ladies only ward.
They said that the rule they have at the hospital, of the father having open visiting hours, would also be extended to the other father in our case as an exception, for our unique situation.
The rest of the meeting was spent discussing various specifics - such as if I have an emergency c-section and who will be the birthing partner etc.
It was a relatively swift meeting but that wasn't because we felt rushed, rather that we all were in agreement and there was nothing further to discuss!
So, we're all very pleased with the outcome and how we're being treated by the hospital. It's lifted some weight from our shoulders and we can focus on the next obstacle that may present itself - baby still being breech on Wednesday but if we learnt something from today, it's that we shouldn't worry ourselves without cause because things can change quickly and favourably and it's all then just been wasted energy.
We are the very happy 3 Amigos tonight!
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