Keeping An Eye Out

I have now met 2 couples since my last post. One of which is sadly no longer able to continue with their surrogacy plans but whom I really liked and would have had no reservations in matching with. The other were matched shortly before we met but I don't think we would of been a match anyway as they don't meet the criteria I set for myself when looking at potential IPs. Lovely people and we are good friends but that was as far as it will go.

I've still got another couple to meet, things have been conspiring against us so far and we've made 2 dates now but both fell through for one reason or another. However we have tentatively set a new date for the beginning of next month so fingers crossed! I really like them so far but you never know until you meet in person and you iron out the finer details.

Still getting lots of e-mails from IPs and making contacts and friends within the surrogacy world but really, I'm just an observer these days. If someone sparks my interest or makes contact, I respond with enthusiasm and an open mind but I'm not actively pursuing a match any longer.

Stats

Journey 2:

Cycle 10: Length: 25 and LP: 10
Cycle 11: Length: 29 and LP: 14
Cycle 12: Length: 26 and LP: 10
Cycle 13: Length: 28 and LP: 13 (Clomid 100mg - Days 2-6)
Cycle 14: Length: 28 and LP: 13 (Clomid 100mg - Days 2-6)
Cycle 15: Length: 26 and LP: 12 (Clomid 100mg - Days 2-6)
Cycle 16: Length: 27 and LP: 12 (Clomid 100mg - Days 2-6)
Cycle 17: Length: 28 and LP: 13 (Clomid 100mg - Days 2-6)


Unmatched:

Cycle 18: Length: 23 and LP: ? (Not tracking ovulation)
Cycle 19: Length: 28 and LP: ?
Cycle 20: Length: 27 and LP: ?

Quiet

I'm not sure what I can update with but I stop by here and see that people are still looking so I should write something and being awake at 3am seemed like a good time to do it!

Coming here though doesn't feel great any more so I avoid clicking on for the most part, if I can help it. Perhaps it's being reminded what a long journey it's been, maybe it's seeing all over again just how craptastic some people can be? Whatever it is, I see things here that I would rather not be reminded of to be honest.

Life is so crazy busy here, I don't have time to stop to eat most days (which is no bad thing!), let alone sit down long enough to log onto the computer. I'm really enjoying all the new challenges that I've taken on in the past month though but it is leaving me with very little free time and making me wonder if perhaps my surrogacy plans are no longer feasible.

I already felt I had lost the enthusiasm for it, the end of the last match seems to be lingering and I don't seem to be able to completely let it go, and now it seems I have filled the the free time I once had, to devote to surrogacy too. Maybe things are all falling into place and making my decision for me.

I don't know how I feel about that, I don't feel devastated or anything, in fact more like it was a decision that was made in my mind a while back but that's taken me a while to say out loud.

At this stage, I do still have 2 sets of IPs that I've agreed to meet with and I will see that through with an open mind but if neither spark something in me, I'm going to accept it's over and move on with my life.

No-one can say I haven't given it 110%, sometimes things just aren't meant to be - no matter how much you want them and this is probably going to be one of those times. I owe it to my wonderful husband and 3 beautiful kids to spend less time trying to make others a family and more time enjoying my very own.

As the picture says, I need to let go of the past (surrogacy), to be able to embrace and love what is in my future. Continuing to have surrogacy in my life right now, only seems to dredge up and remind me of the bad stuff that has happened and perpetuates the negative feelings I still hold. Yup, it's a vicious circle and I think I want it to stop.

So, there you have all I've got to say right now. The next update will probably be a telling one, as to which way things are going to go so we'll just have to wait and see.