Hurrah!

I had my fertility consultation and am pleased to report it went really well!

The low-down is as follows:

• My egg reserve is fine.
  
• My blood test results (I had done on Day 1-3 of a cycle), were all fine.
• Even the FSH that was slightly over the lab cut off, is fine. He saw via ultrasound that my egg count is good.
• My womb lining was the right thickness for where I am in my cycle - so Clomid isn't having a negative effect on that.
• I do not have PCOS! That's a huge (but very pleasant) surprise! He said looking at the scan, one ovary has maybe 3, very minimal cysts on it but those, combined with normal blood tests means he would say I was free of it. I have no idea what's made it clear up but back in 2002, both ovaries were covered in them.
  
• I have 3 beautifully ripe follicles at maturation stage. Triplets anyone?! 2 on my right ovary and 1 (slightly smaller) one on the left.
• He doesn't think I need anything other than Clomid (or change the dose/days) since my ovaries are obviously responding to it very well.
• My progesterone levels - taken by my GP, are all fine. Even the one at a level of only 15, that my GP said meant I didn't ovulate, was ovulatory but just not optimal ovulation.
  
• He said it's just a matter of time before I fall pregnant and so keep doing what we've been doing - but he did recommend starting insems even earlier than we have been in my cycle.
  

It ended with him saying to try 6 cycles of Clomid and then consider having my tubes checked, just incase although he doesn't forsee there being an issue with that.

I came out very pleased indeed and K & B were just as happy with the news. It's official, I am not a dud and am perfectly capable of making a K & B junior. We just have to keep optimistic and carry on as before.

Of course there is the slight issue of sporadic ovulation (at a decent level) when I'm not on Clomid but I can, if necessary, take up to 12 cycles of Clomid so I'm not even worrying about that. I think losing weight will help when (if) that time comes.

K is currently here in Bristol, visiting and so we're enjoying eating out and catching up in person. It's been a manic month for all of us so it's nice to see him, B is stuck in Kent with work stuff though. :o(

Nothing else to report at this stage, just seeing what happens and breathing a huge sigh of relief after the appointment news. Feeling very chilled out, I needed that reassurance so it was money well spent indeed.

A Different Way Of Charting

I've popped the chart from this cycle up for you to see - the dotted line after the cross hairs on the second chart was because I discarded those 2 temps since they were so far off the scale, it was throwing the visual of the chart off. They were indeed part of the thermal shift that signalled ovulation had occurred (confirmed with a blood test) though, but were obviously excessively higher because I had that nasty stomach bug.

So, I mentioned at the start of last cycle that I was trying temping a different way and would tell all later.

Well, basically I tried temping vaginally. I know, ick and eww and all the other reactions that people (including myself) have when they hear about it but actually, since most people who are ttc check their cervix at least once a day, why?! I mean, it's not my favourite pastime or anything but if it helps me to understand my cycle and body a bit more then that's got to be worth the gross factor I say. Or perhaps I'm just strange...

Anyway, the reason I did it was because my oral temperature charts seemed quite wild to me and my temps appeared lower than normal. I was pretty sure having had the worst case cause for that checked out - thyroid troubles, and been given the all clear that it was probably just the other (more common) cause, because I always sleep with my mouth open.

So this cycle I did it the vaginal way and believe it or not, although my temp figures were far more normal in value, the overal pattern was far more wild in variation which was a surprise.

I'm unsure whether I will a) continue to chart this rest cycle or b) which method I'll use since neither stood out as far better to use.

AF Arrived

And earlier than expected to boot.

Journey 1:

Cycle 1: Length: 27 and LP: 11
Cycle 2: Length: 33 and LP: 10 (ill so late ovulation)
Cycle 3: Length: 26 and LP: 10
Cycle 4: Length: 26 and LP: 00 (annovulatory)
Cycle 5: Length: 27 and LP: 11
Cycle 6: Length: 28 and LP: 12 (took B6)

Unmatched:

Cycle 7: Length: 24 and LP: ? (not tracking ovulation)
Cycle 8: Length: 26 and LP: ?
Cycle 9: Length: 27 and LP: ?

K & B stats:

Cycle 10: Length: 25 and LP: 10
Cycle 11: Length: 29 and LP: 14
Cycle 12: Length: 26 and LP: 10
Cycle 13: Length: 28 and LP: 13 (Clomid 100mg - Days 2-6)
Cycle 14: Length: 28 and LP: 13 (Clomid 100mg - Days 2-6)
Cycle 15: Length: 26 and LP: 12 (Clomid 100mg - Days 2-6)


I can definitely tell the difference between an ovulatory cycle and a no or low one - AF is definitely heavier and much more painful, which is strange when you consider that most people say an annovulatory one is worse.

It is also apparently (from what I've read), the Clomid that makes it step up a gear. It can't only be that though as my 2nd round (weak ovulation), AF was definitely less painful and lighter than the ovulatory 2. Go figure!

Blue

I wasn't sure whether to blog, I'm not feeling in a great mood tonight but then thought what the hell, my blog and I'm not afraid to use it. I know, you lucky lucky people.

I don't know what it is but tonight I just feel a bit down about this ttc lark. It's probably the dreaded final countdown to the arrival of AF that's the root of the cause of my mood to be honest. I'm 4 days away from her anticipated arrival. Bah.

As I've said previously, we're taking a break next cycle and the general feeling was that a couple of months would probably be enough for us all to sort things out and be ready to move forwards. I think that's a sensible plan but it doesn't stop a part of me wanting to say that really, I actually want to keep trying and not let another month (or 2) pass us by. I'm becoming a lot more logical lately though and trying not to let my heart rule my head, in a few areas of my life and this is just another example.

We've finally got our private consultation booked with the fertility specialist on the 21st of this month. I'm looking forward to it but with a sense of anxiety too, just because we've no idea what he may say or suggest and as I'm sure you all know by now, I don't do well with unknowns. The flip side is that we have to face the unknowns to then turn them around into something I much prefer, reality, even if sometimes it's not always what I want to hear.

If I'm honest, I think I know what he'll say and that is that the main problem is with my ovulatory issues. It's wondering what he's going to suggest as a way forward that gives me the most concern, since if we're talking IVF (which is the only Assisted Conception that 99% of fertility clinics licenced to help with surrogacy are allowed to offer), well then our ttc plan will need a major overhaul to say the least. Anyway, I'm speculating now, the good thing is that we will be talking to someone with extensive knowledge and who is very experienced and whatever happens, his opinion is most welcome and is sure to give us more to work with than we have currently.

So, why I am blue then? Well, it's pretty much same old if I'm honest, I'm just finding it incredibly hard going to see another month slipping by. I'm surrounded by pregnant women too, I mean, was there nothing on TV over Christmas, people. And if I'm finding it hard - with my 3 beautiful kids, what must it be like for K & B.

I know I can't keep riding the surrogacy roller coaster right now and that's why I think this break will be a good thing for me. I think it's pretty obvious to anyone who knows me that I must be feeling the pressure if it was me who suggested the break. I always fought the very idea (ask K my reaction to that suggestion last cycle!), being impatient to get the pregnancy party started meant that I saw a break as a waste of time and opportunity to get that BFP. But now I'm losing steam, not enthusiasm or commitment - that will never happen, just that my emotions are running on near empty and I need time to recharge my batteries and get my head back in the ttc game. I'm quite simply worn out. Yes, that's it, bottom line.

I can put my happy face on and be optimistic, give every cycle my best shot but inside, I'm finding it much harder than I'm probably letting on. A break - without the Clomid, pressure of insems, the horrible 2ww and armed with the answers we will hopefully get from our appointment, will help me to work through things and hopefully come back stronger.

Current Cycle Stats

I realised whilst looking through my old posts, that I hadn't kept up with my cycle stats so here they are:

Journey 1:

Cycle 1: Length: 27 and LP: 11
Cycle 2: Length: 33 and LP: 10 (ill so late ovulation)
Cycle 3: Length: 26 and LP: 10
Cycle 4: Length: 26 and LP: 00 (annovulatory)
Cycle 5: Length: 27 and LP: 11
Cycle 6: Length: 28 and LP: 12 (took B6)

Unmatched:

Cycle 7: Length: 24 and LP: ? (not tracking ovulation obviously)
Cycle 8: Length: 26 and LP: ?
Cycle 9: Length: 27 and LP: ?

K & B stats:

Cycle 10: Length: 25 and LP: 10
Cycle 11: Length: 29 and LP: 14
Cycle 12: Length: 26 and LP: 10
Cycle 13: Length: 28 and LP: 13 (Clomid 100mg - Days 2-6)
Cycle 14: Length: 28 and LP: 13 (Clomid 100mg - Days 2-6)


It has been a long old journey to this point but how many of those cycles was I actually in with a real chance of getting my IPs their BFP?

I am thankful to K & B for a lot of things but one of the big things is that because of our match, I went and got tested and felt supported when the results came in. Inturn because of that, we're now on the way to making every single cycle, a real chance cycle so thanks boys! ♥

Common Abbreviations - For Lainy!

• TTC - Trying to conceive

• BD - Bedding/Baby dancing = Sex. This one gets no mention in the world of surrogacy thankyouverymuch!

• Insem - Insemination

• BBT - Basal body temperature. You take your temperature first thing in the morning, when you wake, before doing anything

• DPO - Days past ovulation

• OPK - Ovulation predictor kit/test

• AF - Aunt Flo - period/menstruation

• HPT - Home pregnancy test

• IP/IF/IM - Intended Parents/Fathers/Mothers

• BFP - Big fat positive - on a pregnancy test

• BFN - Big fat negative - on a pregnancy test

• CM - Cervical mucus

• IC - Internet cheapie - refers to the cheap bulk tests (either OPK or HPT) you can buy over the Internet

• 2ww - 2 week wait - the time between ovulation and when your period arrives. Generally said to be 14 days (hence 2 weeks) but can vary from woman to woman and be as short as 10 days, or less, or up to 16 days

• LP - Luteal phase - the phase of a woman's cycle between ovulation and the start of her period

• CP - Cervical position

• IUI - Intrauterine insemination - a method of artificial insemination, where the sperm (washed by the lab or unwashed) are injected directly into the uterus

• OI - Ovulation induction. Using tablets and/or injectible medicines to stimulate the ovaries to produce more/better quality eggs

• LOL - Laugh out loud

• GP - General Practitioner. A physician who provides general primary and preventative care, common in the UK

MIA

But don't worry, I am still very much alive and didn't drown in a marine accident as I had feared.

It does seem like ages ago I last wrote here though but in my defence, I've been kept busy this past week for a few reasons.

So, insems are over for another cycle and as usual, they were well timed - we are like a well oiled machine now, the 3 of us. The things we decided upon earlier in the cycle, happened, so we just used Instead Cups, no Pre-Seed for all but 1 insem and just the one insem per day.

Things didn't quite go according to plan in other areas though, ovulation was a bit earlier than we were expecting - only by a day, we all got sick over the crucial time and probably because of that, my mucus and cp didn't follow their usual pattern which threw me a bit.

4 out of 5 of my household got the bug and poor K too. B felt off but seems to of escaped actually being ill. It was pretty miserable all round but we soldiered on and managed to cover all bases so go us! My BBT went a bit crazy and shot right up, higher than it's ever gone before and we are unsure whether it was purely as a result of ovulation or whether it was because I was sick. Probably a combination. Either way, it tied in with everything else so we're sticking with it being ovulation - as I said to K, the actual numbers aren't important, more that there was a sustained thermal shift.

We had a nice time on the boat, I surprised myself with how quickly I got over my fear of being on water. I still wasn't entirely relaxed but it didn't end up being as bad as I was expecting. Well, apart from walking the wobbly floating pontoon/walkway where B managed to leap on it behind me (on more than one occasion - I should of learnt!), and make me shriek!

Now we are in the 2ww once again and perhaps for the final time for a while since we've decided that we will be taking a break from actively ttc. This is for a few reasons, on both sides and nothing for anyone to be suspicious about - for the nosey/cynical people reading this.

It's more a breather than a break, to achieve some goals, seek out some answers and to get our own proverbial ducks in a row. It's been an intense 6 cycles to say the least and I don't think any of us expected what has happened or how our relationship has evolved and suchlike and so a break is exactly what we all need at this point. How long the break will be for has yet to be decided at this stage.

We are going to still seek out the private consultation in the meantime, so that we are better armed to continue, knowing we're going in the right direction and we plan to meet up next month to stay in touch and enjoy each others company.

I'm not sure whether I will continue to chart my BBT or use OPKs during our break, although it is still useful information to have regardless of whether we're actively ttc or not. I've not really given thought to it at this point since we are still not done with this cycle so perhaps (hopefully!) there will be no need to even answer those questions!

I've got my progesterone blood test on Friday and so am hoping that shows a decent ovulation this cycle and if so, we will continue to just wait the rest of the 2ww out and be optimistic but realistic. If it doesn't, well then that will give us a few more questions to ask the fertility Dr.

So, that's pretty much all I've got for you at this point in the way of any update!