I'm Not Broken!

I eventually *did* get my positive OPK result, much later than I had imagined it'd happen which stressed me out quite a bit. And then it went negative, to become positive again the next day! Very weird, my cycles are spot on and I always ovulate 10 days before my period is due but this cycle is set to be a longer one than usual which puts our first lot of insems out as a knock-on effect.

I felt pretty worried by these events, almost like my IPs would be annoyed with me maybe for throwing a spanner in the works but then I told myself to be rational and these things happen and that if I stress, that itself can delay things so the best thing I can do is just chill out. My IM is as lovely as always, reassuring me that they are cool and understand the situation.

Health checks are back, all fine as I knew they would be. Life Insurance is all sorted and the contracts are about to be signed so we're all systems go now!

I feel a weird sense of peace lately which given the fact I was worked up, worried, nervous and apprehensive for most of the journey up untl now, is strange but very welcome. I am just ready to begin and see where we end up.

Just waiting on my period now and I'll then begin testing from around cycle day 10 onwards. Once I get the positive OPK, I'll put the call into my IPs who will make a mad dash this way and we'll really get this party started!

Nerves

Tonight I've realised that I am starting to feel really nervous and worried about this surrogacy business. Not because I'm doubting what I'm doing but because I now feel pressure to come up with the goods. To become pregnant, to do what I'm expected to do. And what if that doesn't happen?

This is probably been brought on by the fact I'm testing out the ovulation predictor tests that IM sent me, see if they work on me and whether I can interpret them or not and suchlike. They've been negative so far.

Ok so I only took my first one yesterday evening and then again this evening so it's entirely possible I've simply missed ovulation time and that's why but then I suddenly realised, maybe I'm not fertile, maybe I won't fall pregnant. And that's put me on high anxiety alert.

IM is bursting with excitement and anticipation, it's infectious too so I really really want this to work for them both.

Roll on next month for our first insem experience and until then, I'm trying to remain positive and upbeat and not think of the 'what if's' just yet.

Nothing To Report!

That's why I haven't posted!

IM and I catch up every day but we're waiting on my health check and the insurance details to be sorted and then we're off.

Still both very excited to begin our journey, IM has been painting her house and re-organising rooms already, in preperation for a new addition and buying things on eBay. She says she's trying to rein that in and has resorted to a Wish List instead for now.

So, no real news but we're still on track. Things don't move quickly in the world of surrogacy, especially if like us, you want to do it right.