Couple One

It's been a while since my last post and so I thought I had best stop by and update on things.

Well, I did meet one couple this past Saturday. They are lovely, we had coffee and spoke for a few hours and it was nice. They have said that they really liked me and would like to match which is always flattering to hear because you never know what people really think of you until that point!

However, I was talking to another couple first and they had already expressed that they wanted to meet me but are currently on holiday for 2 weeks and so out of fairness, I've told couple 1 that I would like to hold off on making any decision until I've met couple 2. It is only right that couple 2 are given the chance.

It will also allow me and couple 1 time to continue to get to know each other, which you can never do enough of.

I am finding it hard though to know how I'm supposed to know if a couple are right for me or not. I mean, I thought twice before that I'd picked the right couple and neither turned out to be! I almost have to go on blind faith and gut instinct I guess. There's no thunderbolt or violins playing to give me the sign unfortunately.

I was thinking the other night, why I didn't just throw in the towel on the whole surrogacy thing but my heart just didn't match my head I guess. When I walk away and say I'm absolutely done, I need to know that I gave it my all and couldn't do any more, it just wasn't meant to be. I don't want regrets and to be left always wondering.

The trouble is, there are so many things that go with making the decision to look for a match again and get back into all that that entails and I have to be honest and say that there are days where I wonder (and worry) if I've got it in me to go back to that place and do it all over again. And my life is so crazy busy still and about to get even busier, do I even have the spare time that surrogacy needs to be successful?

More importantly, I question whether I've got the same level of enthusiasm and commitment that I had the last 2 times. It's difficult to answer that and I sometimes wonder if I'm spurring myself on and simply talking myself into continuing when really I don't want to.

But, I guess I just have to leap into the unknown once again and do all I can do and that is to have hope - that I make the right decision, that I pick the right couple, to hope I am strong enough and believe that I will be at last successful - basically to just have faith and hope.