Nerves

Tonight I've realised that I am starting to feel really nervous and worried about this surrogacy business. Not because I'm doubting what I'm doing but because I now feel pressure to come up with the goods. To become pregnant, to do what I'm expected to do. And what if that doesn't happen?

This is probably been brought on by the fact I'm testing out the ovulation predictor tests that IM sent me, see if they work on me and whether I can interpret them or not and suchlike. They've been negative so far.

Ok so I only took my first one yesterday evening and then again this evening so it's entirely possible I've simply missed ovulation time and that's why but then I suddenly realised, maybe I'm not fertile, maybe I won't fall pregnant. And that's put me on high anxiety alert.

IM is bursting with excitement and anticipation, it's infectious too so I really really want this to work for them both.

Roll on next month for our first insem experience and until then, I'm trying to remain positive and upbeat and not think of the 'what if's' just yet.