Niggles

Recently on a surrogacy board I'm a member of, a surrogate had a horrible experience after the birth the baby. Her once supportive IPs turned into insensitive asses who abandoned her post-natally, who changed their agreed birth plan/contract and even went as far as to have her moved away from their adjoining rooms, to the other end of the ward. WTF springs to mind! Who the hell do those IPs think they are to discard someone who has given them the precious gift of life. Makes my blood boil!

I hear more and more horror stories (on both sides) and honestly, it scares me because post-natally is the period where a surrogate is most fragile and IPs are the most self-absorbed, for obvious reasons and the two can create a clash - intentional or otherwise.

I know for me, I'm going to need some praise and support once the baby is given to its parents, not to the detriment of the IPs missing out on those important first moments and bonding time with their child but just not to be forgotten about immediately.  I don't want balloons and champagne but just the attention and gratitude that I think all surrogates deserve.

Thankfully my husband will be a great emotional and mental support for me, we've discussed already that post-birth is not the time for his usually humorous smart remarks or witty snipes! But I need to feel the love and appreciation from my IPs too, after all, making them happy and complete was one of my biggest motivators to keep going and get that BFP - negative cycle after negative cycle. Seeing their grateful faces, so full of love for something I helped to create, is my goal.

Also, we'll only be together for a short period of time once the baby is born. Naturally I will be discharged and the baby too and we will go our separate ways. Dependent on my moving situation, K & B may stay local for a few days or may not - actually, that's not something we have discussed at this point but regardless, we will all go our separate ways and so those few hours/day or so are going to shape how I deal with the emotional side of handing the child I've carried and cared for, for the past 9 months and I want it to be as perfect an end as possible.

It's little worries such as this that niggle away at me a bit and with each experience I read, where the ending was less than ideal (and more importantly, the surrogate didn't even see it coming), they grow a bit bigger.