It's Goodbye From Them

My IPs have decided to stop their surrogacy journey.

Since this is my blog, I'm going to vent here and I don't mean to come off selfish and only thinking about myself right now but if I can't be honest here, where can I be.

IPs have had a hell of a lot of bad stuff going on in their lives lately and have found the stress of the surrogacy journey added to that has just got too much.

They are essentially taking a break but don't know for how long or even if they will start surrogacy once again. They've said that it would be unfair of me to wait for them, for something that might never begin again.

Thing is, surrogacy was never easy for me (is it for anyone?) but I found it incredibly hard putting myself out there and stepping into the unknown. I don't make friends easily, I find myself anxious around new people and unknowns but I did it and I hit the jackpot first time when I found my IPs. Everything from that point of view was perfect. It wouldn't be easy to find that again and I'm not in this from a 'business' point of view, I've invested my time and my heart from the start and I can't just switch that over to someone new.

At this point, I'm unsure if I'll persue surrogacy any further, which brings up a lot of emotions from my point of view. The feeling of failure I feel is crushing at the moment, that I let them down, let myself down and my body let me down. Doom all around in my house right now let me tell you.

We only tried for 5 cycles and although they were incredibly stressful from my point of view, I wasn't ready to throw in the towel just yet. I know I can't comprehend how horrendous it was for my IPs but it just seems such a waste to give up when we've all come this far.

I remember reading, and I believe I've posted about at the start of this blog, that a lot of surrogates give up at the 6 month mark. I didn't think it happened to IPs too. I was wrong.

So that's my update. I've no idea if I'm going to have a use for this blog in the near future but here it will stay, not least because it's part of my life that I don't regret for one single minute and it wouldn't feel right to just take it down and 'take my toys home' because it didn't go as I planned.

Thank you for jumping on and joining me for this whirlwind of a ride, I'm only sorry there wasn't a happier ending at this point.