A Warning To Others

Since my last post, a lot has come to light. It appears I got my IPs completely wrong, I have since discovered that the problem that was rampant throughout our match, stepped up a notch before we unmatched and then continued after we parted ways - namely, them lying.

It appears that I was naive enough to think they could both be mature after making their decision to end our match or at the very least respectful. Instead it transpires that they were not only making contact with other potential surrogates a while ago but telling them they were going to break our match - all before they had told me anything.

But, it doesn't stop there - Oh no, it seems they were also telling potential surrogates lies about me, for whatever reason. Saying that they had no idea of my fertility issues when ttc my first child - my first post of my blog throws that out of the window. I also have the proof from our first e-mails that that is completely not the case. I have never hidden from anyone my struggles in that respect, I'm proud that it took that long but that we hung in there and were so blessed with our gorgeous son after all of it. I would never want to smooth over that but rather I celebrate it.

K had a problem with me posting a FB status on my son's birthday this past week, saying it was a dig at him as it spoke of having to wait a long time for him but that he was worth the wait. Absurd and verging on paranoia if you ask me but this is what I had to deal with. This wasn't the first time K had taken a FB status personally. For the record, I nearly lost my son when he was 3.5 (to Lemierre's Syndrome - Google if you get a chance, very rare but on the increase and more often than not, fatal) and so we definitely see him as our miracle in more ways than one and I won't stop publically praising having him here at every opportunity.

Anyway, back to the current time, K also told these potential surrogates that I 'couldn't get the job done' and discussed my personal fertility information with these strangers too. Charming, right?

I don't understand what causes people to become so spiteful. In the blink of an eye, people just turn so quickly. I can hand on my heart say I never did anything to either of them, except try and help them have a baby. I treated them with kindness, loyalty, commitment and respect. I went so far above and beyond what most surrogates would do for their IPs and I asked for nothing but honesty and commitment in return. What you see with me is exactly what you get. They knew the one thing I can't stand is liars, which is exactly what they both are.

I shouldn't be surprised, I had caught them both out lying during our match and confronted them about it. Yet they continued to treat me like a fool and lie over and over. I do shoulder responsibility for allowing them to sweet-talk me after I caught them out time and again, and for not telling them where to go but I guess I allowed my heart to rule my head. A mistake that will not be repeated again.

I hold my hands up and say that I did see a red mist descend after this all came to light yesterday and did something which was probably pretty juevenille for a short period of time but then rectified it without delay shortly afterwards. It wasn't the smartest thing but people can only take so much before snapping back sometimes and considering I had not reacted to anything up until that point, I refuse to feel too badly about my momentary lapse in judgement. No harm was done, apart to K's pride perhaps, which I feel zero remorse about.

So, let this post be a warning to others that a) you never really know someone, b) if you decide to get involved with these two, be on your guard and hope they treat you better than they treated me and c) if you hear anything about me, that has come from them, it is more than likely a complete lie.

There is so much more I could say, and it would all be the truth, if I really wanted to hurt them like they've hurt me - some may think I am the spiteful one, for naming them so publically but they lost the right to expect anything from me when they disrespected me and the journey we've shared and in a cruel way - by dragging my name through the mud in the small surrogacy world, without reason. So, they really gave me no choice but to go public, in a bid to limit the damage that they are trying to do to my character, I never wanted to have to do this.

I am also having to put myself out onto the message boards when it's the last thing I feel like doing right now but, I need to make myself active so if there are IPs out there (or even surrogates) who hear the lies, they've also heard my side too. It's a horrible thing, being forced to post an intro and be around people who are on their way to their surrogacy happy ever after, when mine has just come crashing down but again, I'm in damage limitation mode.

They are continuing to try and keep this perceived 'battle' with me going, even now. Trying to have the final word or to stick the knife in just one more time, it's quite pathetic to witness and definitely not necessary. I told K yesterday that I was done, in every sense of the word and wanted to draw a line under it all and move on. It doesn't appear he knows when enough is enough though.

I feel particularly sad I now see how K manipulated and managed to isolate me from friends in the surrogacy community, without me even realising. I now know why, they knew these friends had the capacity to see through them and were trying to warn me of what was coming - all the things I couldn't see myself, at the time.

K has since removed his hardly used surrogacy blog, I guess he was afraid that people would see how he portrayed himself as being, how wonderful he thought our journey was and how highly he spoke of me and see just how fake he is capable of being. It would also of vindicated me from the lies he is trying to spread now, blowing them out of the water.

Understandably, my emotions are broken after the events of the past 2 days and I am not sure it'll be possible to trust a third set of IPs - if I decide to start from scratch once again. These guys have tainted surrogacy for me in a way I didn't think possible and taken me down in the process so well done, I hope you're proud of yourselves, guys. At least I have a clear conscience and can sleep at night when all is said and done, which is more than they can say.