Tired

I don't recall being this exhausted with my own children but then the situation was different, I have 3 children now whereas at most, I had 2 and was pregnant when it was my own and also I'm older now too, which I'm sure has some impact on how my body handles pregnancy.

I literally can hardly keep my eyes open lately, I'm anaemic again which is a long-standing issue and I'm taking iron tablets which I had hoped would perk me up but no such luck. It's just annoying when I want to be able to stay on top of everything but I simply physically cannot do it at the moment.

I also went through a period of morning sickness every day last week, which was not nice but that seems to of gone back to just been transient waves of nausea now which I can cope with just about.

On a different subject, I was thinking about when K and I were talking on Wednesday and how I was worried that perhaps I give too much personal experience input when we discuss all things baby related. It's difficult because having been there and got the 3 times t-shirt, some things just roll off my tongue when talking to people who've never had children but I wonder if it ever comes off as patronising or know-it-all'ish, which is never my intention.

I don't think it's helped by the fact my ex-IM had a huge problem with me knowing more than her about ttc and parenting - she said as much in her blog, ridiculous but there you go and it's silly because I know that compared to how K, B and I talk about similar things now, I hardly said 2 words to her. She always had this air of superiority around her which grated on my nerves a bit so I kept my mouth mostly shut. That's another thing I like about working with males this time around, there's no bitchiness or bitterness about another woman doing what they were unable to.

Whilst I'm getting everything out, I also wanted to say that I've been thinking about the birth. At this point, I don't know how things are going to play out because Scotland is up in the air still and that will affect decisions made about how I give birth but I've still been giving it some thought.

The labour and delivery will mark the end of my surrogacy journey really and so it's even more important to me that it goes as well as it can - when you're having your own child, the labour and birth aren't as important as the end result so even if it goes really badly, you still come out of it with something incredibly worth it whereas with surrogacy, that's not the case - my final memories will be of the labour and birth and that's it and so I want them to be as positive as possible.

I'll touch on that more at a later time but it was just something I was mulling over in bed last night - along with a million other thoughts too. Maybe that's why I'm so tired, my brain never stops processing stuff!