Every Day Is A Learning Day

I think I've made an error, I had always assumed the last day of a + OPK was when you started the countdown to AF arriving - the following day was 1dpo. This was because in my mind, if the surge hadn't dropped to a negative level, the surge was still happening to get ovulation and the egg released and therefore, you couldn't be days past ovulation since it hadn't happened.

Now I've read, and asked amongst ttc and old ttc veterans and actually, you're meant to go from the first + OPK. This is, and it all makes sense now, because you don't peak and then immediately drop back down, it usually takes some time so the following + results are just the LH levels slowly coming back down but still high enough to trigger a + result on the OPK.

Most women stop taking OPKs once they get their first + too, whereas when you're hardcore ttc'er, you tend to keep taking them until that + turns into a -.

One site said that 'you can expect to ovulate, on average, 1.5 days after your first positive ovulation test'.

If this is true and from the sites I've looked at, I trust that it is, then my LP may not be as short as I was fearing. Which is obviously fantastic!

How crazy that all these years, I've been calculating wrong! Feeling a bit foolish but in the grand scheme of things, it has no negative effect on any outcome, it is what it is and only really matters if you consider things like blood testing after ovulation and suchlike.

Every day is a learning day, they say and it turned out to be most true for me! Just goes to show, you can never have enough knowledge when ttc.

Good Times

Yes, we went for it this cycle! And when I say we went for it, I mean it. See the OPKs from this cycle, I decided it would be good to start from just after AF left incase my cycle was screwy, to see what it did to my OPKs but they turned out to be textbook and as they usually are.

IFs had some time available from work and decided to book into a little cottage, attached to a B&B last Saturday and stayed until Tuesday evening. I had anticipated ovulating around the Tuesday mark but didn't know if the events of last cycle would affect that and we were therefore just playing it by ear and enjoying each others company regardless.

After a discussion between us, we decided it would be a wasted opportunity not to try and get some insems in before the + OPK, since we were all available and as such, we ended up doing a fair few of them. Think over 5, less than 10. LOL! I have to big up my IFs who did a sterling job of stepping up without apprehension or complaint.

I was a lady who lunched (a lot) during our time together which was fabulous. As a busy mum of 3, I don't often get the opportunity for much more than a takeout McD's so good food and good company, that didn't involve anyone needing their nose wiping or splitting up of fighting small people was an attractive proposition.

IFs asked if they could tag along on a trip to our (not so local!) beach on the Sunday. It's a regular thing for my family and K & B had a great time bonding with 2 out of 3 of my children and B and I had an opportunity to get closer, whilst K ran off some of his insatiable energy with the small ones.

We all went to lunch afterwards. It was rounded off with me unexpectedly falling asleep on B back at the cottage, which I later realised was due to some nasty bug I've picked up from somewhere, starting.

Monday the big + on the OPK first appeared. Bit earlier than expected but a good sight none the less. B had to return to work that afternoon (after another lunch!) and K and I held the surrogacy fort and enjoyed spending time together as we usually do. All very chilled and relaxed, just as the entire break had been.

When K also returned back to Kent Tuesday night, the smiley was still in full force on the OPK and we felt pretty smug about our timing. Little did we know that Wednesday, the smiley would still be loud and proud and that then meant poor B had to drive back to me in the evening but he did just that, despite being tired after a full day at work. Again, it was a lovely opportunity to get to bond a little more with B. We have a great relationship but it's mainly K I interact with on a day to day basis since B is manic at work, in and out of meetings and K's work schedule is far more flexible.

Cue a 6am insem the following day and we finally got to call a day on this cycle and start the dreaded 2ww off at last. The digi OPK has been negative and stayed that way for a while now so I think we can rest assured that we're done with any unexpected mad dash back to Bristol. I can almost audibly hear K & B breathing a sigh of relief!

It has been another intense cycle for us all but it's been a good one too. We've learnt more about each other and the journey. Surrogacy is such a crazy experience, I know that we've had some bumps in the road but thankfully we have such a good relationship that we move quickly to realise what might be an issue and work through it so it doesn't sour what's a fantastic match.

It was, if I'm honest, hard for me emotionally this cycle after what happened last one. I found the actual act of making the physical decision to move forward and insem again, hard. It was like finally drawing the line under what had happened and leaving what might of been behind. Yes, difficult for me and I'm sure probably for IFs too.

Still, very excited for what might be this time around and so thankful to still have my wonderful IFs by my side.

On a side note, I cannot believe this is cycle #12. It does not seem like I've been riding the surrogacy train for that amount of time.

All Good

It's continued to be a rough week since my last post but I think slowly we're emerging the other side, thank god. So many questions, so few answers and a whole range of emotions thrown in has made for a very abrasive me and I'm sure I've not been a barrel of fun to be with lately but with good reason I think. Thankfully I'm surrounded by people who have made allowances for that and stood by my side. You know who you are. ;o)

Anyway, I've also had concerns about whether things would mess up my cycle this month and sure enough, we've been thrown some curveballs already, such as an early change in mucus and cervix, unexpected spotting and some weird + OPKs when we would least expect them. So far the digi has remained negative though so we've treated it as just a fluke thing that doesn't hold much meaning with regards to ovulation at this stage.

Hoping that end of the weekend/start of next week will signal ovulation and we can decide whether we'll be jumping back in with both feet and giving insems a go or not. It's a wait and see and then make a decision situation currently.

I spent Saturday with my wonderful IFs and we had lunch, laughed a lot and talked. It was fabulous and I know I came away from that feeling a renewed sense of positivity and it did all 3 of us the world of good.

I was due to have a repeat progesterone test this cycle but have decided, with the input of IFs, to just skip it and give all of us a rest from the added stress that that may bring. It's really not necessary this cycle in my eyes anyway as all manner of things can screw the results of the test up and after last cycle's events, I don't want to risk a false result that would only add more worry.

This week I'm focusing on the good stuff and reminding myself all the time of how very lucky I am to be where I am in my surrogacy journey and with whom too.

Cycle Details

Journey 1:

Cycle 1: Length: 27 and LP: 11
Cycle 2: Length: 33 and LP: 10 (ill so late ovulation)
Cycle 3: Length: 26 and LP: 10
Cycle 4: Length: 26 and LP: 00 (annovulatory)
Cycle 5: Length: 27 and LP: 11
Cycle 6: Length: 28 and LP: 12

Unmatched:

Cycle 7: Length: 24 and LP: ? (not tracking ovulation obviously)
Cycle 8: Length: 26 and LP: ?
Cycle 9: Length: 27 and LP: ?

K & B stats:

Cycle 10: Length: 25 and LP: 10
Cycle 11: Length: 29 and LP: 14

Blindsided

Update 18/03/11 : I wasn't sure at the time whether I wanted to post this picture, at the time it was painful but I feel that I've held nothing back from this blog before and I don't want to start doing so now.

So, above is now one of the faint positive pregnancy tests from last cycle (addressed in this post). I can't believe it was only 3 odd weeks ago. Oh. :o( So much has now happened.





It's been a while since my last post and suffice to say the period has arrived but not in the way we all thought she would. We think something went on this cycle involving possibly 3 faint pregnancy tests, lots of pregnancy symptoms and a late-and-usually-very-regular period. You do the maths.

It's possibly been the most horrendous week of my life and certainly K & B's lives too. We've visited places that we didn't ever consider we would and most certainly hoped we wouldn't have to but there you go, ttc, let alone in a surrogacy type situation was never going to be smooth sailing. I guess this is where which crew you chose to jump onboard with, really really matters. Thankfully for me, I think I've picked the best.

There was a very awkward and painful, for me anyway, telephone call between the 3 of us last night but it was definitely necessary to be able to move forwards with things. It involved tears and frankness but I think we all came away feeling we'd reached a deeper level of our relationship and it was positive by the time we hung up.

Let me just say that K & B, despite not knowing what the hell to do when presented with such a situation, absolutely stood by side and stepped up in a way I will never be able to appropriately thank them for. I know it was anything but easy for them to figure out what they were supposed to do or feel, let alone how they had to handle a hormonal and very emotional me. And of course, a special mention must be made to my husband, M, who has taken all of this on his shoulders and continued to be my supportive rock through a dark time.

So, this cycle we think we're just going to take a time-out and let calm descend over us all once again and simply enjoy one anothers company for the time being and then start when we're ready. I'm ok with that, it can only serve to do us all good.

All in all though, we've taken a lot of positives from this cycle, despite all that's happened and it's only served to make me personally stronger and more determined to see my surrogacy journey to its conclusion and hopefully beyond.

Bring it on!

Period Day

I feel the usual cramping, backache blah blah blah, strangely though I'm ok with it, though disappointed none the less obvioulsy.

This stage of ttc is never easy for anyone but I was thinking, the main difference with my IFs, compared to my last set of IPs, is that they are just right behind me at every step of the way. Whatever I'm feeling or saying to them, they take it and digest it and come straight back to me. That applies to the good and the bad that comes with a journey of this nature.

There's no sulking for a couple of days, no quietness after one of my texts and no obvious or vocalised annoyance that things haven't worked out. I'm sure they feel that in private and they know that they are always welcome to tell me anything they want, but they are just more sensitive and realistic than my last couple and that alone helps take any pressure off of me.

I've decided that I'm going to take the (what I feel unfortunately) arrival of AF today on the chin and I'm determined not to let it get me down. We've learnt so much about the cycle, my body and most importantly each other this go around. I'm going to take the positives and leave the singular negative way behind. And after all, this was only attempt 2, we may be down but we're certainly not out.

Attempt 3, here we come!

Almost There

There are so many variables when deciding when to take a HPT. Like, when you might of popped the egg out and how long it could of lived before meeting a sperm. How long it took to travel the long (hopefully not winding!) fallopian tube road. When it then decided to dive-bomb head first into your lining and lastly, at what rate the hormone levels decided to get up to full speed. All of those, and more no doubt, have a bearing on when you're going to get a + HPT.

And if you've had children and therefore a + test before, it gets even more complicated. You analyse when you got a result that time, if you had any pregnancy symptoms before that point and so on and so on. Aaaargh.

No real point to this post except to say I'm frustrated, this 2ww was flying by but the past 2 or 3 days have been bad.

I hate squinting at lines, I love a term I read the other day 'line eye' which is what you get when staring too long, and too hard, at a test and switch from room to room to try and influence the result by changing room lighting. LOL. So very true and if you've ever seriously ttc, you will agree.

I've woken up today with the most sore boob ever. Yes, singular, boob. Very odd for me and I wish (and hope!) it's a pregnancy symptom but I just can't get excited. I guess too many let-downs in the past. Still optimistic obviously but realistic - remember that's my mantra throughout this journey!

IFs bought me some Clearblue Digital tests, the new funky ones with Conception Indicator on it but they aren't very sensitive (50mIU) so using them at this stage could give a false result. I love them already because my poor (and they are poorly right now too) eyes can have a well earned rest and this bad boy of the HPT world will simply spell it out in terms that any moron, or in my case, desperate testing fool, can understand.

So, 10dpo and expecting AF either tomorrow or Saturday so the wait is nearly over and we'll soon know where we stand.