Down But Not Out

This bust cycle has hit all of us particularly hard it seems. IM even threw a sickie from work which she said is very unlike her but she just couldn't put a brave face on things.

I know I'm certainly feeling downheartened. None of us expected it to work first time or even second time around but there's a feeling of hope with the 3rd. As I said in a previous entry, lots of mutual friends have had luck with the 3rd round and I think we'd all put our energy into it being *the* one for us too.

We timed it perfectly and it just felt, oh I don't know, right, you know? We had lots of special dates between us, it would have been perfect to have been the winning cycle but it just wasn't meant to be for whatever reason.

Now we're at the tipping point, over half-way of our contracted cycles. It's an uncertain place to be if I'm honest. I'm wondering what my IP's are really feeling at this point, if I asked, I'm sure they'd tell me but I'm not sure in this hormonal state that I want to hear what they might say.

I don't want to use this blog to whinge and wallow in pity, that doesn't make for good reading now does it but I need to express how fucking hard this surrogacy stuff is. I was never naive enough to think it'd be a breeze but it messes with every emotion and winds its way into every single day of your life.

I have faith and hope that my wonderful IP's will one day hold a baby of their own and I desperately hope I get to make that happen so we'll pick ourselves up and dust ourselves off and steam onto round 4.