Day 14 - Moving On

My stash of blood thinning injections - this stash was bigger believe it or not and now after 2 weeks, this is what it's reduced to, if you can call it reduced. 28 down, another 56 to go.

And this is what my tummy looks like after 27 needles have been jabbed into it -  I tried (and failed!) to put an arrow by each jab spot/bruise so that's the little arrows you can see. As I said, only 27 because I had one in my thigh so that doesn't count! I took this photo a few days ago though and I have bruises everywhere on my stomach currently. I took the photo in poor light so take my word for it, it doesn't do them justice but you can see a couple of the huge ones I'm currently sporting.

I'm still feeling funky and will be seeking a doctors appointment tomorrow for the physical stuff that's going on, that I talked about in yesterday's post. I would of done it today but I couldn't get an appointment this afternoon and besides, I had a child home sick and I wouldn't bring him along to that type of appointment of course. 

As for the other stuff, still feeling crappy about it but I got some good,neutral advice and view points and perhaps I was over-thinking things and being over-sensitive after all and if not, it's something I can deal with another day, when I'm in a more rational and less hormonal frame of mind.

A friend said the following to me yesterday when discussing surrogacy and it rang true, actually if I'm honest, it made me cry but in a therapeutic way - she put into words, what I was feeling really:

'I also don't think there is any way they could understand how it feels, hormones raging, the unique loneliness of having the child you literally spent the last 9 months with gone'.

Yep, that sums it up. It's not that I miss him - having a baby, it's just the physical fact that I have nothing inside or now out, either. My hubby went back to work tonight for the first time since the birth and in one way, I'm glad to have some routine and normality and I know he was ready to return but it was another thing that signals that life's gone back to normal.

As I said a few posts back, I was going to do a post-a-day, for 14 days so I could chart how I was dealing with the post-birth stuff so this will be my last daily post. I will be back as and when I've got something to say - which won't be in the distant future I'm sure.

I've got to make some major decisions regarding surrogacy and whether I move on to another journey or not but that decision depends on what other decisions I make regarding moving, getting physically well fully, whether I want to take a break first etc and as yet, I'm undecided on that stuff or it's out of my hands right now so I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. In one way, I'm eager to do it all again but in another, I sometimes think I'm done. Difficult stuff but as soon as I have made a decision, I'll be sure to post here and share.